What a week. I realized that i have been in a kind of weird head space for the last week and a half. I felt a little overwhelmed because Jeromy was working late hours and the kid were getting sassy and i was getting impatient. Than this weekend Jeromy was deer hunting and i felt like it was a looong week with out a real break. Once i sat back and though about why i was feeling so frustrated i realized that the kids were probably feeling the same thing that i was feeling. They missed seeing Jeromy too. We are a family that is very accustomed to our routine. And we all get thrown off when things start to change.
This week i was constantly battling the "flesh" vs. the "spirit" in my head. As a Christian, i feel like it is a constant battle to live like Christ. I want so badly to do it (and for it to be easy), but sometimes i find myself fighting the "flesh". I suppose some of you don't even know what that means, sorry. I describe the feelings of the "flesh" as feeling that we feel as mear humans. Things like anger, selfishness, greed, vengeance and hate, unhappiness and trivial troubles of the world. Things that, in the long run, don't really matter. And they are things that i don't want to waste my time thinking about. There is so much that we have to be thankful for. But as many of you know, when you get to feeling the "flesh" its hard to tell yourself that you should be happy because your kids are healthy or that we aren't persecuted by what we believe. Something that many other cultures and countries deal with on a daily basis.
Basically this is what my brain was doing this weekend. As i drove alone in the car (a true rarity) i turned up the music loud...i mean loud. Cause i think i am still 20 and not driving a mini van. I have on Adam Lambert, of all things. Not encouraging music, but a really great beat. Well, as i listen to him my mind starts to wander and i start to feel a little more independent, and start wanting to put myself first instead of last. Then i start thinking, i want a gym membership. I know i can't afford it, but i want it. Then i could break a sweat and feel healthy and vigorous. Suddenly i didn't want to just do dishes all day. Heck, i think i just wasn't cut out for all of this. Plus, the stresses that my situation bring with it, they aren't things that i deserve to have to deal with, right? ...WRONG. That mind set is exactly what makes me so annoyed at our generation. We are taught to be lovers of self, and we demand instant gratification. We are a people so concerned about our own feelings. You bet we remember who hurt us and why it wasn't fail and how no one treats us right, all the while missing opportunities to "do" for others. If we would just care about others as much as we care about ourselves...what a world we would live in.
After listening to more Adam Lambert as i drive this morning to get last minute groceries for my Moms birthday party that we are throwing at our house tonight, I am feeling a little overwhelmed, and certain that a coffee will make it all better. I got through Walmart and the bakery (for the kids, yes, the kids needed a donut) I drove home feeling the same as i had all week. Not really much of anything. Just a bunch of swirling thoughts in my head. Well, low and behold, as i searched for my CD's i found the one that i had been SEARCHING for for a few days. (that's how i came across my old Adam Lambert Cd too) If i had just kept searching i would have found this one the first time. Its a CD that my wonderfully perfect brother had burned for me last year. It was a mix of some Christmas songs. The first one being my most favorite of all time. Sam had introduced this song to me last year. He makes CD's for me occasionally and they always are amazing and inspiring. This was one was nothing short of that. The song, 'I heard the bells on Christmas Day' by Casting Crowns,just touches my soul, my spirit, it puts me back where i need to be. I joked about it all last year because there is a line that says "there is no peace on earth I said" And i would tell him that that song always came to me as i was doing dishes, just out of the blue i would sing, "there is no peace on earth, i said" ...
Now, here it is a year later that the CD is bringing me back to reality and reminding me of the true beauties in life. The fruits of the spirit, Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Things that i think i lacked this past week. It was like a switch went on in my head and i just said "Thank you God, for the reminder of what we are truly called to be!!" I don't know why it always takes a knock on the head for me to remember my purpose some days, but it does. I feel so refreshed as i ponder all of the wonderful ways that i can support and show love to others. Because the truth is, we are just passing through...This life on earth is a short one compared to an eternity that we are going to spend in heaven with our amazing Father.
My prayer today is, if anyone of you are feeling down, or overwhelmed, or under appreciated, or sad, or selfish, or needy, or any "fleshly" feelings. I just want to encourage you to think not on these trivial things, but on our path to righteousness. Because we are promised that "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." What a wonderful thing! It is when we are at our weakest, that He is at his strongest. And THAT, is something to get excited about. So, i am going to crank up the heavenly tunes and enjoy the renewed strength that i feel. Thankful, that is what i am today. Not because everything is perfect in my life, or that i don't have struggles. I am thankful to be thankful. Just to be reminded in such a peaceful way, that God is my shelter and "I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Phil 4:13) I am thankful for my place, not only on this earth, but in heaven!!