Tuesday, July 31, 2012

31 years

               (What's better than the ol blurry kissing shot? I think its kind of funny. So i will share it.)

Ahhhhh, 31!

It wasn't too hard of a transition this year to go from 30 to 31. In fact, i welcomed it.  31 came in like a lamb and went out like a lion so i was happy to move on into my "thirty somethings".

I've got big plans for 31. Big ones. I've done alot of thinking this past year. A lot of contemplating life, choices, actions and feelings. And i have come up with my list for 31.

I enjoy new beginnings, no matter how they come. Birthdays, actual new years, or just a day of change. I love taking an inventory of my life and then changing directions to accomplish a new goal. (that totally made me sound way more organized than i actually am.)

I have been intentional when thinking about 31. What do i want to do better, different, more of, less of?

And here is the theme that i have come up with...

Wait for it.....

Its gonna be so good.

Alright here goes,

In the movies, i have realized that i crave action and drama. I am so over romantic comedies. Comedy is out for me. Frivolous jokes and silly Kate Hudson, Ann Hathaway, and Reese Witherspoon...I'm kind of over you.

In real life i have realized that i want more comedy. What is better than laughing and feeling joyful?

So here's my discovery. I like it. And I'm sticking with it.

Real life= Less Drama and more comedy.

Movies=Less comedy and more drama.

How am i going to do that? I'll tell you, because i have been thinking about it for along time.

This year i am going to own my skin. I am who i am and i am going to embrace it. I can't change to make everyone happy. I can't be that quiet serious girl in a social situation. Its just not who i am. I love to talk, laugh, joke, dance, jump, stumble over my words, get confused in stories that involve too many numbers (oy. numbers...am i right?) talk over people (only because i am excited, never because i am rude...not intentionally anyways...(okay, maybe i am going to work on this one) I share too much, too fast, and too often. And that's what makes me me.

(Now let me just add a disclaimer here.  I don't mean this with an attitude. I am not saying that i won't always consider a situation and look to myself to see if i am making mistakes or hurting others. I will always hold myself accountable for my actions.)

I have realized opinions don't always matter. Who cares if we differ? I don't . If we are going to change anyone or represent Christ, i want to do it in my actions. Not by taking out my pointer finger and aiming it at others. I want to love freely, so others can see the love of Christ through that.

I answer to Him. Not any human figure. (well, maybe my Mom & Dad...and husband)  If someone is looking down on me or judging what i do? Too bad. I don't care anymore. I can't please everyone and i refuse to try to change who i am to make others happy.

Cause i am a party of one and you're gonna want to sit at my table!!

That was my own problem before. I have realized that i have a few insecurities that i wasn't aware of. But i am digging in, and making a change. And this change is going to help me. Teach me. Make me happy. Make my family happy.

You're a quiet, studious type and you think your a little smarter than others and i rub you the wrong way?  Hey, different strokes, man.  I may just not like you either! :) And that's okay with me. Cause we can't win 'em all, can we?

Ha, okay maybe i won't be that aloof. But i am trying to learn to know what i say and say what i know.

I find that because of situations i have dealt with and have been annoyed by in the past, i am learning what not to do. So i refuse to be too extreme in alot of things. (except sports...Roar,bring it)  We differ in political views? I don't really care that much. I see your point. I don't agree. But i am not going to try to sway you to my side. Extremism is always frustrating to me. Right or left?  Pro or Anti? Up or down? Black or white?

I never want to get into heated battles about that stuff because i find that no one really wins when we are talking only to change others opinions. I have been that way for a long time and these past few years i have learned the pain of it.  Its one thing to have friendly banter. (Its a whole other thing to talk to my brother Jason about Sarah Palin!) (ha, watch out.)  It is just counter productive because i never care enough about the situation to get mad. Probably because i am uneducated in politics...i just like George W. Bush's face and feel like i want to hug him and be friends with him. I don't really care about all the other stuff that someone else thinks he has done wrong. Peace love and harmony, baby.

I think i digressed...sorry.

Oh right, my point is that i have tried for so long to be the opposite of opinionated that i have found that i am like a wet mop about many things. I always see both sides and kind of don't care and I agree with both.

That leaves me with some lame views. Well, to clarify, cause i know half of you are thinking it. I still have a few (i don't like your tone when you read that word few...its IS only a few!) hot topics. Family stuff, kid stuff, marriage stuff that i get heated about. But i am only human after all. Besides, this is my blog, so just keep your opinions to yourself, sister...

I'm sorry i yelled.

Its not you, its me.

31.  Its going to be good. I read a book recently 'They poured fire on us from the sky',  its an amazing book about three "lost boys" from Sudan who fought for their lives as they walked for years and years to survive this ugly, ugly war in Sudan. Its was heartbreaking and inspiring.

So i sit and get frustrated about my organization skills and then i think, "if those 7 year old boys can fight for their lives, then you bet your butt, i can get this done." And it encourages me.  The power of the human spirit has always intrigued me. When people just persevere and overcome. What is more honorable than that? Especially when they are doing it with out shouting it from the roof tops so people feel sorry for them. They overcame. Persevered.  Moved mountains. They lived. (that basically just described my husband in a nut shell)

That is what i want. I want to remember what we can do. And continue on. And when i say continue on, here in America, in my comfortable home, i don't mean "fend off lions to save my life", i mean get my house in tip top shape, eat healthy, exercise, spend time in the word, make life intentional for my kids, and get on top of my game.

In the year of 31 i want to...

Read more.

do more.

Care about what matters more.

Care about what doesn't matter, less.

Do for others.

Be a great friend.

Embrace my strengths

ignore the drama

cling to what is good

and live.

Sounds easy enough, right?