Thursday, June 2, 2011

Don't give up

Yesterday as I was mowing the lawn i was thinking about someone close to us who is choosing to get divorced.  I felt like i had so such that i wanted to say to them and so many thoughts on divorce and then today Jeromy called and told me that someone at his work was choosing divorce too.  Jeromy had been talking and talking and encouraging his friend to push harder and attempt to save the marriage but alas, he had no choice because his wife wanted out.

I am so frustrated by the lack of commitment our generation has.  If the going gets tough, we just leave and find something better.  Or temporarily better. My thought is this, and it may sound harsh, there is almost NO reason good enough to get divorced.  Selfishness is what it is. Its about what I want and what I'm not getting.  Please don't misunderstand me, i am certainly not judging anyone, I mean, hello, i am married to a divorced man.  But because of that, i have seen first hand the difficulties, the pain and the struggles that go with it. So i actually feel like i have the right to talk about it. 

I tell Jeromy the same thing that i want to tell these people.  It was selfish. Could they have made it? I don't know, but they both seem to be functioning fine with their new spouses...No matter how happy they are now, the damage was done and the kids are paying the price for it.

I wish people would push harder.  Instead of what they aren't getting, how about what their kids won't have because of it...parents who love one another and provide a safe and secure environment for them. Sure you may just meet someone much better for you and you may even be happier, but the one who always hurts is the child. The poor innocent baby. That step-parent can be so amazing and wonderful and loving, but they will always be the step parent and i think that no matter how much a child loves a step parent, they would want their parents to be together even more.  Its just God given for us to want that. 

Believe me Jeromy and i have struggled with the repercussions of his divorce. There are just sticky situations that happen when you are dealing with two different families. So what i want to shout from the roof top when people tell me  "they've just grown apart, or fallen out of love" is you're just trading one set of problems for another!  Sure, you don't have that "terrible" wife to deal with anymore, but now you have to split your time with your kids and worry about the step parent and dealing with the extended family and their opinions and trying to get used to the new and over the old.  Its weird and confusing and not meant to be. And don't even get me started on it being a "civil divorce". If you can get along that wonderfully through a divorce (and believe me, no one does) then you certainly should have been able to get along in your MARRIAGE!!

I feel like we can all safely say there has been times we have felt like walking out the door and never coming home, right?  Life sometimes feels like it won't get better, or you are so mad at your spouse that you think  those feelings will never change.  But you press on.  You work on yourself and your insecurities or your shortcomings and pray about the rest. God can work on their problems, but we have to take responsibility for your own.  And you know what, as soon as that happens we find ourselves looking at our partner with rose colored glasses again.  Like they can do no wrong.   I trust that God honors obedience and when we are faithful to the ones that we love and we persevere, God honors that. He gives us overwhelming love in our hearts.  Life isn't about what makes me happy.  Its about how can I make someone else happy? What can I do for others?

Of course I know there are a few circumstances where divorce is the only option. My parents faced those dilemmas. My Dads wife had an affair and my Moms husband was abusive. Those are reasons to leave or choices that are made for you.  But God honored their obedience to Him by bringing them together to find one another. Sometimes choices happen that are out of our control, but I believe that if we take responsibility for out OWN actions and always choose to be faithful and obedient that God will catch us every times that we fall.

No, divorce isn't the unforgivable sin, but it just makes me sad. I just want to warn people. Things do get better.  I know it. Times aren't always easy for any of us, but that's when we have to get on our knees and pray harder and trust God.  It is never Gods plan to have a family break  up. That is our selfish and sinful nature. 

I am going to continue to pray that my friends persevere and realize that what they once fell in love with in their spouse is still there...

Hey, I think the Beatles got it right.." All you need is love. All you need is love. All you need is love, love. Love is all you need..."  (And complete faith and hope in Christ, i think they forgot that part ; )

 Have a great day friends and think about something super special about your spouse and give them a great big long kiss tonight when they get home...that always works ;)