Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Look up and live.

Get ready, cause here i come.


It's the cause of my rant today. It has been slowly burning down in the pit of my belly for weeks and weeks and today--I'm snapping.  And its highly likely that about 99% of the seven people who read this aren't going to agree cause they will probably be reading this on their tablets, or say it ain't so, while they are in the line at Chipotle! (insert mad woman scream here!)

I am like so totally over this electronic phase of life.

A long time ago, by brother told me that he didn't think the problem was the instant access but the slow separation that was going to come between the have's and the have not's.  I never really committed to that problem as my fury was at the total idiots that it was creating in our kids. Little self righteous, instant access, over informed, under educated, selfie taking, reading about peoples life but unable to live their own, smart phone dummie kids.

My step daughter constantly jokes about not needing her brain because its "not the most used network in America", or not needing to know which direction is North, "because my phone does", i laugh, as i beg her not to be just another smart phone dummie. She doesn't get it.

Because shes growing up in the era and its just "what everyone else it doing". It would be weird for her NOT to have a smart phone, i pod (x5) a kindle and a nook, right?

Seriously, i just have to take slow deep breaths at this point.......

I know the argument.

"But its whats happening, everything is online and if my kid doesn't know how to work something they will be behind." "What about college? They are going to need to know how to do this stuff."

Here's my argument.

I don't know how itunes, twitter, instagram,  facebook, vine, or youtube is going to help your kid.

I don't believe any of that crap. I literally hate this instant access.

We have GPS---so we don't have to actually know where we are going.

We don't memorize our friends numbers (or heaven forbid, our parents) because its programmed into the phone. Duh.

We can't spell cause autocorrect can.

We don't have photo albums at home, we have facebook online.

We don't wear watches, or write grocery lists, or go to the library, or bank, because we have a phone that can do that.

Eye contact? Forget about it.

Actual conversations? Gone.

Asking questions to Suri or Seri or whatever?  Totally.

Our brains are mush because, hey,  if we don't know it, we can just google it.

Does this bother NO ONE ELSE?!?

I don't care about the blogs to the "parent on the cell phone" or the opposing one defending the "parent on the cellphone.".

There are sides to everything and if we feel it, we can find it.

That shot of Obama, being the good for nothing that he is, walking off the plane and throwing out a weak (at best) salute to the military while he is holding a fancy drink. Yea--thats offensive.

Republicans and American lovers didn't like that. Not one bit.

But about one day later, my Liberal friend posted a photo, in defense of the Obama hate, of W holding a dog and showing a less than perfect salute as well.


This is what we do?

This is our world now.

Between photoshop and about 1,890,098, 009 differing opinions, we don't even know what we can believe anymore.

Is that a fact, or an opinion?

I mean, its on the it has to be credible, right?

As for twitter, Instagram and every social media site out there--don't even get me STARTED on elementary school age kids having, first off, the tools to access that (pads, pods, notebooks etc.) but then tell me they have their own account?.......followers?!?

Its a wonder my head hasn't exploded yet.

A ten year old with a instagram account?

I just want to spank that parent. Seriously.

 But let me guess, all her friends had one. (read that in the most syrupy/whiney voice you can muster)

But we don't want to be the dork parent that that doesn't follow suit. That would be horrible.

So horrible we would have to take a photo of it, make a clever remark, tint the photo to make us look skinny, tag our 7 year old and post that baby as fast as possible.

hastag. no more phone. sad face.


I am so over this stuff. Obviously.

Adults, do what you want. Clearly we can. And it can be fun. Just please don't be the one in front of me in the line at Chipotle that thinks it would be inhuman to NOT scroll all your facebook messages and texts and tweets while you stand there. Cause you just look dumb. Like i really think you are probably dumb. Like, i bet you can't even spell d-u-m-b dumb. Have i made my point? Dumb.

I don't know why it always happens there and why its always around me,(who am i kidding, its everywhere all the time!) but its a a miracle that i have even survived standing in that 78 hour long line while i see all these smart phone dummies just looking at their screens and MISSING actual LIFE!!!!!!

If i snap one day......its gonna be in the Chipotle line. Guaranteed.

Now lets talk about school.

(you didn't think i was done did you? Silly reader.)

I am getting sheet after sheet home in my kids backpack that is telling me about these apps that i can get for the kids school work. Work that has to be done. Apps. (kill me now)

Thankfully, at the bottom in teeny tiny print i found a sentence that read "And if you are lame and don't have anything for an app, then you can go to a website starting with www. and find your kids homework, ya ol stick in the mud."

Seriously, i'm pretty sure i wrote that verbatim.

So now, i feel the gap. The have's and the have not's.

Not only do i not have wifi at home, or any sort of tablet, but i think it would be beyond financially irresponsible (unlike the many coffees i get in a week) for us to pay out that much money so our kids can play mind numbing games, access porn, and read about the Slender man.

Ummm, no thank you.

I will walk my daughter down to the dungeon each night and sign her on the the plug-in-the-wall computer and access her IXl math. (which is a blast, I tell you and it feels nothing like a punishment.)
Because its all i can do.

I know you people (yea, i said "you people" and i mean it) are all proposing your responses and defenses and ready to tell me that i am hurting my kid by keeping them(and us) from this stuff. And how and why your kid is so advanced because of technology. I know.

I know you are confident in your decisions.

And i also know that i am so very hopeful that this computer age comes to an end and people start raking leaves together as a family again.

We are what we claim to disagree with. Oh those kids that can't go without their screens. They have no time management skills.  So entitled. They get whatever they want. Instant access.

I mean, I only have one dork computer and i like facebook as much as the next guy. I get it. But shouldn't we fight it a little harder. Keep our kids from this black hole that is technology?

This isn't only a a kid problem, its a a grown up one.

This is true.

So why won't anyone just put their foot down?

And say no.

No, no. no. Absolutely not. I love you too much to only see the here and now. I care about your future and want the best for you, and following the crowd, drinking the coolaid and walking blindly isn't what is best. We have to protect those little minds and all the information we allow in there. Not every "follower" is worth having. There is a time and a place for technology, yes. But its not every second, of every minute, of every day, always.