Tuesday, September 13, 2011

One of those days

Oh my goodness, do you ever just have one of those weeks?  I swear that this week has been full of failures (mine) and frustrations (also mine).  Nothing makes me more annoyed than messing things up. Times, dates, places, information, anything!...and yet i find myself doing it all the time.

It started beautifully with the first day of school for my pretty Ruby girl.  She did great and we made it through perfectly.  I am a little anxious about when she is going to have a melt down, but not going to plan for it.

That night i was so anxious for Laney's preschool open house at Oak Haven.  Jeromy cut it close (like always) with work, but we got dinner and raced out of the house to make it to school. Laney was so excited and had waited ALL day to get into her new shirt for school. Literally ALL day she asked me when Dad was coming home so she could change...

As we pulled up to Oak Haven that night, i said "Geez, (laughing nervously) I sure hope its tonight!"  And wouldn't you know it, we got to the church and the sign said Open house September 7th.  "Its the seventh, riiiight Jeromy?"  Ummm, nope it was the 6th!  I immediately remembered back two years ago when Ruby attended her open house for preschool at Oak Haven.I  was so excited that i invited my Mom and everything.  We pulled into the church parking lot only to find that the open house was the next day!! Ugh. To some this is just a funny coincidence, but not to me.  I just felt like such a loser parent.  I thought, great another year of getting things screwed up...(wha, wha, whaaaaa)  I should really be used to it by now don't ya think? Yeeesh.

That week ended with out any more real problems and we were on to this week.  Laney's official 1st day of Preschool and Juniors 3 rd birthday.  I was so excited. We couldn't go wrong.  Jeromy was at work but was able to get away to meet us at the school. He headed there a little earlier than i was going to go, but since he was enroute so iwas I.  We left the house at 11:10 for our class that started at noon and was about 10 minutes away.  Leaving tons of room for pictures and time with Dad.  We met him there and were excitedly taking pictures and talking.  I ran into Ruby's friends Mom on the way out with her kids that were now in preschool again.  We chatted and she said she wanted to talk to the teacher to have her girls moved to the afternoon class with Laney since I had told her it was the "kindergarten preperation" class.  (Hey, that is what it said on the application and why i choose this dumb time of noon to three)  Well after talking with the teacher she came back to me and said its the exact same curriculum and same teacher so there is no difference and wasn't going to change classes.  Hmmmm, well then i was going to talk to the teacher and see if i could switch Laney to the morning one.  As i talked to her (feeling like a fumbling and irresponsible fool) she said that would be no problem and an easy switch. Yes. 

She asked me if i wanted her to attend the afternoon class the first day just so she didn't miss it.  Yepper. I did. But then i got to thinking that its so nerve racking to go to school alone for the first time and i was essentially making her have two painful first days.  Great parenting.  Like usual.  Then as we stood there the teacher was cleaning up a bit and said if we would just wait about 10  more minutes then Laney could come into the class. Well, ya of course, class didn't start for fifteen minutes.  As we all sat there talking on the steps i look at Jeromy and say "it does start at noon, riiiight?"  I totally casually and cooley walked to the information board to scan a few things and found out that class actually started at 12:30...12 stinking thirty.  I had 40 minutes to kill and Jeromy had to get back to work.  Insert dejected face and slumped shoulders.  Come on, seriously? How do I mess these things up? This is really hard stuff, this school. 

Well, like perfect Boones, i say to Laney, "Wanna go get a DQ cone?"  (it always works)  She said ya and we killed about 10 minutes there.  Returned to school waited forever for class to start and sent her on her way.  By the way, even though Ruby is in first grade now and has gone through all of this and made it out alive...i feel like sending your baby into the classroom to sit on the little alphabet mat is like total torture. I do not like it one bit.  She was nervous and i was too...but she did great.

Cut to that night as i rocked Junior to bed and asked him if he had a great birthday and he replies "i didn't have a birthday, i didn't get any cake!"  Oh my goodness. We had a long day (not to mention our first 4H meeting) and i tried to make it special, but we have zero extra money and i am having a little party on Thursday so we gave him his one present and had a great day.  But no cake...no cake. I forgot cake since i was so busy with this school stuff. What a great mom. I felt terrible but he didn't think more about it after he matter of factly broke my heart in two...

Today i brought Laney to the dentist after finding out she had a cavity last visit. (six months ago)   I hesitated to bring her in because she is my baby girl and i just didn't want to have her under laughing gas, or whatever.  No way. What if something happened or there was complications?  Not my girl.  Not gonna do it.  Flash forward to now and the tooth is obviously decaying and i had to face the music.  The doctor got in there and Laney wasn't havin that gas. She started to cry and freak out and i started to firmly tell she had to do this. After some coaxing he managed to do about 5 minutes of work and tell me that the tooth had gotten so bad that it broke and was cutting her little tongue and needed to be put to sleep (Novocaine, which we were trying to avoid in the first place) and possible something else for a nerve thing.  Seriously???  If i had only taken her in right away and got it filled this wouldn't be happening.  But, wouldn't ya know...i didn't.

Ugh, after feeling like a loser in the office i left to make my next appointment and talked to the receptionists and explained that i had lost my cash card and used my last check (like a responsible parent) and that i could pay for it next time. They didn't seem to mind.  Fhewwww.  But one crabby lady who apparently didn't like me and remembered me felt the need to point out (as i was lamenting about this new tooth issue and my worry and fear) that "Didn't i have another daughter with alot of cavities to be filled too??"

Blink....blink....(envisioning giving that lady the hardest upper cut of her life)...blink...swallow...blink.

"Why yes. that was me. " (smile)

Ugh. I just had hit my bottom for the day at around 9:45 am. I called Jeromy and unloaded all my troubles and worries and fears and anger...and then told him i didn't want to talk about it. (he didn't really know what to say anyway)  It didn't matter, i was ready to blow and shouldn't be talking to him or he was going to be the one getting it.  And boy did i want to unload heavy...

That's is. No moral to his story or happy ending.  Just a big ol complaining blog.  That's my day. And now i have to go wash pee sheets and get dinner ready...


Tomorrows a new day.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

September 11th, 2001

When i remember back to September 11 th, 2001 alot of things come to my mind in crystal clear clarity.  I remember, like everyone else, exactly where i was when i heard the news.  I was exiting onto hwy 36 off of Rice street on my way to NWC to take a Spanish exam.  As i turned on the radio, they were talking about the tower that had gotten hit by a plane and as they were talking i heard them exclaim in disbelief as they watched a second plane hit the World Trade Tower. I remember feeling shock and then nothing.  It felt so unreal to be hearing this news and trying to weigh the gravity of it all. What just happened? I specifically remember still having to take that stupid Spanish test and our fire alarm was going off at school for some odd reason and we just kept on like nothing was happening in the world!  I remember being so annoyed and confused that we were not even talking about this humongous thing that was happening, we were just silently taking our test like little lab rats!!  I raced back to my apartment and turned on the news and called my Mom.  Her first comment was that she either had or someone had talked to my cousin Ryan in NY and that he was safe. I couldn't believe what was happening...couldn't believe it...

I was glued to the news for the next couple of days, like everyone else. I fell in complete love with Rudy Giuliani, like everyone else. And i was in shock....like everyone else. 

A handful of specific memories flood my brain as i think back.  First, i remember that they completely shut down any air transportation.  There was NO ONE in the sky.  And though we barely pay attention to planes  overhead normally,  i suddenly felt the overwhelmingly loud silence in the skies now.  I remember so very specifically the first time i saw a plane fly over my head again.  I was outside on a stoop at a friends house when i heard it.  4 planes flew overhead in perfect unison, stirring a feeling in my heart that i couldn't even describe.  They were so close. They were so loud.  And they were so beautiful.  It felt like they were flying in slow motion. My heart was literally pounding. It was amazingly surreal to watch them.  My extreme imagination was sure it was someone very important like President George W. Bush himself flying above me that night in Blaine ...

Those feelings are ones we should never have had to feel.  The silence of war preparation. The unbelievable anticipation. It was all we could take as we processed it all and clung to what was next.

I remember thinking that in a heart beat i would sign up to serve our country. I would have left in a second.  I felt overwhelmed with patriotism. Overwhelmed.  Like everyone.

The memory that sticks out the clearest to me is driving down Highway 10 in my black Dodge Intreped with my flag, tattered and torn flapping in the breeze, on my antenna. I was merging into the right lane to prepare to exit onto HWY 65 N.   There was a truck that was just ahead of me and it immediately caught my eye because it had a huge flag which they had rigged perfectly to stand erect in the bed of its truck and it was blowing beautifully in the wind.  As i got closer to him i felt connected to him.  We were in this together and we felt it, together. We were Americans and we were one.  (I know it sounds silly, but i can still remember that moment) As i got up next to him he looked over at me and i looked at him and there was a silent exchange between us. And then a slow nod of our heads that spoke more than we could ever say. It still gives me chills to this day.  Time stood still alot that September.  And for a moment it didn't matter if we were Democrat or Republican left or right. We were Americans. We would bleed red, white and blue had we been cut.

I remember feeling overwhelming pride when i would listen to Bush speak.  I clung to his every word and felt safer just hearing him.  Like a Father figure to the Americans, Bush was in charge. And I liked that.

I think (i know) life changed for every American that day.  We all remember it.  Even though the dramatics of our patriotism has lessened in the public eye, it changed so much for me.  I can hardly get through the National Anthem anymore with out being overwhelmed with pride, i can barely even listen to Lee Greenwood, and i feel consumed with gratitude and a quiet admiration when i see anyone in uniform, its feels like "thank you" just doesn't express the enormity of gratitude and pride that i have for them.

We lived through a monumental time in the history of the United States and i am looking back on those memories with pride and pain today.  We have pledged our allegiance to the flag of the United States of America all of our life and i am really proud of that.

Oh, and you bet your butt I'm gonna be hooting and hollering when Lee Greenwood says "From the lakes of Minnesota..." Every time i hear it for the rest of my life!! :)  Go Red, white and blue!