To fully explain my blog today, i have to rewind a full year and a half.
You see, that's when i took Laney to the dentist for the very firs time. Her teeth were--errr--not bright and shiny white. I already prepared myself for the news i would probably hear from the dentist, informing me of a cavity or two.
But alas, looking back, i would have welcomed a cavity.
Laney, i found out, has a condition where her teeth basically have no enamel. So pretty much any junk that gets on her teeth and sits there will just- burrow down--quickly--and attack/break/damage her tooth, gum, or mouth.
So upon hearing that--i did what i usually do. I comfortably threw my head in the sand. When the doctor informed me that she wanted my girl to get about 4 teeth crowned--i'm confident that i blacked out entirely.
If i don't go back to the dentist.....there will be no more problems, right?
So fast forward one year to last week.
Laney had complained of pain in her tooth and after looking into her mouth and seeing a large hole in her back molar, i figured it was time to have them take another look. Though i didn't want to return to that dentist, its where i went. Because its supposed to be the best.
Laney freaked out just laying back in the chair--if that is any clue as to how the rest of my story is going to go.
They confirmed that she had an abscess and was definitely going to need antibiotics and to get it yanked---i mean "extracted" and soon.
Sooooo, i pretty much felt like the worst mom in all the land and Laney proceeded to cry the whole 6 minutes it took the assistant to brush her teeth.
She got her prize--a bouncy ball--and we were on our way. To the pharmacy to see my brother and to get her prescription.
I detoured to Caribou--looking for anything to bring Laney back to life from her comatose stare out the window in the back seat.
After Junior freaked out because Panera had no cinnamon crunch bagles, we walked next door to get a cookie coffee for the spoiled bunch.
As i waited there--head in the clouds, anticipating the next 6 days--Laney bounced her sitnkin' bouncy ball once and lost it--somewhere under the counter or whatever.
Lets go, was all i could say between clenched teeth as she started to cry again and Junior was unhappy with the chocolate chips on top of his drink instead of the oreos. I kind of just wanted to slap thedrink out of both of their hands and just walk to the car. See how they liked that, but instead i kept my cool.
Until we went about 1/8 of a mile on the service road and Laney was bawling over her bouncy ball.
Well, where was it!? i said--totally exasperated.
She told me it was behind the counter and that i could likely get it, so i turned around in a parking lot and headed the rocks throw of a distance back to Caribou.
And then it happened--a cop whipped a U-turn and turned on his cherries. Right. Behind. Me.
Are you kidding me!?
I pulled over and this A-wod walked up to me and i asked how fast i was even going? And he informed me that i was going 40 in a 30. WHATEVER. That basically walking speed. Ugh,I wanted to punch him in his throat and cry all at the same time. Instead i fumbled for my evasive insurance card and license and didn't even look at the jerk.
The kids freaked. I threatened their life, reminding Laney that i turned around to get her sitnkin' ball!!!
Cop came back, gave me a ticket. I gave him the bird and we were off.
Wait, no....i don't think that's how it happened.
But i can't be sure, i think i blacked out.
On to the pharmacy where Junior proceeded to spill his coffee in the car, i got mad, felt overwhelmed, and got my prescription.
That night, Laney can't sleep because she is so afraid of the dentist--in 6 days. Of which she has NO idea what they are even going to do.
I tried to prepare her as best i could with out ever telling her they were going to "extract her tooth".
I was all, "just breath in your nose when they tell you to sniff this stuff and all will be fine, okay?" And if they offer a sniff to me??? So be it.
So for 6 days i am silently agonizing over this.
Like, seriously, anticipating her doom.
Then late last night, i happened to check Juniors preschool calendar and he was the STAR student TODAY.
Enter panic mode, where i quickly order pictures from Walgreens, but i have to take the broken truck because we need to get a new battery for the van, i have to drop off tools at the Jungbauers, get a battery, pay Josh, get the pictures, bring a treat to DQ, hope the school is opened and get home in time to make a STAR page with out going coo-coo.
The truck has no heat, i can feel the fire in my veins as i head to my friends. (ps. Sorry for being crabby, Sarah)
Got the battery, returned the tools, froze--cause we have not HEAT in that junker--and headed to Walgreens.
Got my photos, see the church IS indeed open. Let out a squeal as this is my lucky day.
I Sneak into the church as i pass a quiet table and notice dim lights in the chapel as i announce "i'm just running downstairs, okay?"
I turn on the lights search around like a thief looking for the mailbox that has my kids STAR student sheet (cause i always forget to check that when i am actually supposed to be at school)
I stop just shy of throwing a rock through a window--planning how i can grab the sheet and run away with no one even seeing me.
But alas. I get nothing. But i do see someone elses sheet and copy all the questions. "That's about as good as it'll get tonight". I say to no one.
As i shut off the lights and sneak back up the stairs. Some man--from nowhere--happens behind me and asks if i "help with the teacher down there??" Completely accusatory. And i just smile and say "oh, no--i'm just a parent of a STAR student"
Which i'm pretty sure just confirmed his thought that i had broken in, placed a bomb downstairs, and was not trying to escape. Yeesh.
But i just carried on.
As i sneak by the chapel i see them look a me, i smile--awkwardly--as i take another look behind me to see if the weird janitor guy is following me--just as i walk past the front table where i see brochures on "Cutting".
I think i just interrupted an anonymous "cutters meeting" as i start to sweat and run to my aggressively loud truck all while i yell out "Jesus loves you and you should too!!"
Okay, i didn't yell that--but maybe i should of?
But then maybe they would have cut me?! I don't know. But i took a brochure just so i could find out more.
No, i didn't. I'm sorry.
Enough about that secret group.
I get to DQ hand the treat over, pick up a treat for myself and head home in the freezing cold, loud truck with pictures in tow.
Jeromy and i watch the Voice as i throw together a beautiful 12x12 of my boy and all is right in the world.
Oh yea--except the part where my little angle baby is getting a tooth forcefully pulled out of her jaw tomorrow morning--and she doesn't even know it!!
Morning comes, i get Ruby to school late--visit with the secretary--assure her this won't happen tomorrow and fly to get Junior to preschool with his STAR in tact ready to answer the questions on the sheet that i will finally possess.
As I walk in, i meet my friend, Courtney, who informs me that she got an email late last night form the teacher and it looks like Junior isn't the STAR until Thursday.
Oh, well, then super. I'll get the info and my whole night last night of running around like a nut job is all for not. So glad that i managed to screw that up.
This day is starting out worse than i had anticipated.
As we leave the school, Laney starts to weep....
Which stresses me out.....
i am stuck between a rock and had place with this one.
As much am my nature says RUN!!! Run as fast and as far as you can!, i know i have to do this--even thought it is going to be royally bad, in order to salvage her mouth.
We get to the dentist, after staling a Home Goods for 20 minutes and as i sign her in and pay, i suddenly feel like i am signing my babies life away. I think--crap! i feel like crying.
I suck it up--by completely disengaging.
They call her back. And the second that the nurse walks us in the room, Laney begins to cry.
She is so nervous i can feel it. And she isn't having anything any of us are sayin'.
Ya feel me?
Its bad. I try to hold her hand as the nurse finally gets her in the chair and lays her back--which naturally made Laney tense up as if she was being put on the chopping block.
I start patiently whispering for her to calm down.
She doesn't even acknowledge i am talking.
She is like, unable to even catch her breath at this point. Oh yea, and i want to die.
The nurse decides to put the gas thing over her nose--which looked more like something they have in a gas chamber--if ya ask me!!
And Laney hits the roof. Panicking, crying, unable to breath, begging for a sip of water and saying she is dizzy.
No one seems to care about this--except me.
I feel like i am having a heartattack as i sit there. Painfully watching my darling girl fear for her life.
I know having that thing over her nose made her feel like she was being drowned. I know she can't breath well in general. And i know she is scared. Not only because i am her mother, but because she is begging and pleading, saying "I'm uncomfortable with this.....please, i'm not comfortable!" Between breaths.
The nurse acted like she was lying and i was one second from grabbing the mask off Laney--taking a huge swig--and grabbing my girl off that darn reclined chair and storming out of there.
I hated it.
It hurt me.
Finally the doctor comes in and says that she has to calm down so that her tooth can get better---blahh, blahh, Laney is not having it.
And then the nurse informs me that she is going to give her a topical thing to numb her gums for the shot of novocaine.
And while Laney is pleading for her little life--unable to breath--the nurse puts this swab thing in her mouth along with a gauze thing and tells her to shut her lips for two minutes so the thing works.
At this point, i feel like I can't breath. Watching her panic with a hand in her mouth and a thing over her nose and tears streaming down her face.
Seriously, its hard to even revisit that moment.
I ask the nurse if she is even getting any of this stupid gas stuff and she says no because Laney is crying and talking so much she hasn't gotten any. And I say "Just take it off then!" Bordering on losing control.
I promise the nurse that Laney will do better if she doesn't have that thing on her face. And the nurse listens.
The doctor comes in, threatening (in a soft, but firm voice) Laney that if she doesn't calm down that "Mom is going to have to leave the room" so that Laney understands that the doctor means business and that this is happening. She continues to give me a few options. One being leave the room. Two being hold her down--physically--while the procedure happens and three being--i don't know, i think i blacked out.
I look at that doctor. With eyes of steal. And i tell her that "Laneys moms won't be leaving the room. No matter what. Okay?"
She proceeds to give Laney the shot and then her and the nurse leave to give us a few moments to allow that novocaine to kick in.
I reached down and scooped Lane in my arms and kind of cradled her in the chair and assured her the worst was over and that if she would just listen and follow the doctors rules that we would be able to leave very soon. Please, just listen Laney. At this point i am half begging.
Well, the doctor comes back in and Laney lays back down, tears start to flow and then the doctor asked her to open her mouth and when she did, she put this thing inside that held it open so she could work and thats when it happened--that's when Laney went all Helen Keller on us and i thought i was going to have to break the window and run--as far and as fas as i could.
She freaked out, mouth open but against her will as the doctor went in for her back molar--with what looked very similar to the tool i use to get the hook out of a fish's throat when its stuck--and she grabbed Laneys tooth and yanked it out.
I thought i was going to faint.
Laney let out a shriek. And it was done.
They tried to make her hold gauze in her mouth but Laney just sat up and crawled to my arms and cried. It was pathetic and heartbreaking.
As i rocked Laney back and forth the doctor continued to tell me the plan of attack next visit and asked me if i wanted a filling or a crown for this one and said we were for sure crowning this one and this one and.....
I literally looked up at her, as Laney sat--bleeding and crying in my arms--and said "I am not hearing anything you are saying right now. Can we just go."
In the waiting room, i had to fight my charge for the 40$ nitrous fee and i got refunded 67$ for the spacer that they couldn't put in due to the difficulty Laney was having. And the assistant continued to tell me that next time maybe we need two people to "hold her down" during the procedure.....
But i didn't care--all i wanted to do was leave.
I grabbed Laney and threw her on my hip and we left that building.
In the car i just sat. Feeling a bit in shock. Trying to wrap my mind around what just happened. I felt like i had been through war--and i might have returned with a bit of PTSD.
Laney wanted a 13$ pillow from Home Goods and i got her it. It made no sense for her to have it. It was beautiful and shaped like a rose and she doesn't even make her bed in a day and has clothes all over her floor. But she got it.
She wanted it....
So she got it.
I met my Mom at Target where we proceeded to get Laney a Halloween costume and a sweatshirt. She seemed to chipper up as we shopped. Randomly telling us she "didn't want to talk about it" when we asked her about the day.
On our way out I got her a personal pizza. Which she ate at Moms while she watched a bit of TV.
My Mom let Laney borrow her Ipad--as a treat--for a a day.
So we packed up the pad, said our goodbyes and headed out.
And as we drove back to preschool to get Junior--though it was only 2 o'clock in the afternoon--i felt like it was midnight to me.
But then the darndest thing happened. Just as we turned onto Hwy 65 Laney says to me, while looking down at the ipad--playing a game and smiling- "Geez, you're the best Mom ever. You let me do everything i wanted today....you're the best mom, ever....."
Whats that you say Laney? I can't hear through the pain of my ulcer.....
And with that, i blacked out...
What. A. Day.