Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Join me

I should have known what today would hold when my girls woke up quietly and turned their light on, shut the door and started playing together. And then Junior woke up, came and snuggled me, and then grabbed his toys and went into the girls room to join them.

Or when the girls actually made it to the bus ontime with their snacks and water bottles.

But alas, i didn't even know what was to come.

After getting Junior to school i had to run to Target and return a few items and shop around for a tiny bit of stuff.

I slowly strolled the isles, wandering aimlessly, enjoying my alone time.

I had brought a special $20 bill that i had been given as a gift and i knew exactly how i wanted to spend it.


I grabbed some liner, a little mascara and even a bronzer to complete the special "me" treat.

On my way out, i grabbed a pumpkin spice latte--with an extra shot.(cause i live on the wild side like that)

I slowly got into my car and headed to Play it Again Sports to pick up a hockey helmet for my boy.

I talked to my Mom on the way and lingered in the parking lot--just sitting and talking on the phone.

Sadly when i got inside the helmet that we were planning on getting two days ago, was already gone today.

 But whatevs, i didn't care. i had coffee.

I left to my car to finish up my drink and head back North to the house.

When i arrived home, i put away a few groceries and headed to the laundry room to separate the clothes and start the wash.

I realized that i haven't been home--alone--in such along time, that i turned up the tunes and happily folded Jeromy's work shirts.

And then i went into the kitchen to make some tuna to prepare for lunch.

And that's when it hit me. 

I'm not doing any more laundry.

I stared a the TV and it stared back at me. Longing. Calling my name. "Chriisssssstina".  Whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

I couldn't resist the urge. The pull. I felt a nervous excitement at the idea.

I was going to watch a big kid show--during the day--alone--while i ate lunch.

Its like i was experiencing full nirvana.

I anxiously got my tuna together and my chips.  I took out last nights blizzard to thaw, in preparation for the gloriousness that  was about to take place.

I carefully set the ice cream next to me on the coffee table. I had my water within reach and my tuna on my lap.

I text a few friends my plan. Teasing them. Letting them know---i was checking out and wasn't afraid to say it.

I giggled in anticipation as the blue light turned on--signaling to me that the TV would soon be ready as well.

I fingers daftly found their familiar place on the remote and i opened my screen of DVR'd shows. I smiled, as if to say hello old friend.

I chose 'Hostages', a real adult show. No kid stuff. No laughter. No comedy. Straight drama. Straight big girl stuff.

As i kicked up my legs and crossed my ankles on the couch. I was in heaven.  Tuna and chips in my hand, ice cream thawing, and Hostages about to play....

I have no words.

Its like i have discovered a little secret and i'm not going to bury it, sister--oh no, i'm going to shout it from the roof top for all to hear.

I watched adult tv during the day!!!

I knew there would be repercussions for it. I knew i had to take out meat to thaw. I had to switch the laundry. i had to put the dishes away.I had to get Awana bags ready.I knew this was my time to "catch up".

But i didn't care, ya see. I refused to.

I was going to check completely out for an hour.

The show began to twist and turn and my eyes were locked on the screen.

At one point i may have even said "This is sooooo great!" out loud. To no one. And i liked it.

I started the show at little before one and was finished around 1:20.

It was like a heaven i have never experienced.  I mean, I've watched tv a night. Or I've been on the computer while the kids were home, but never, have i experienced the thrill of watching my show, alone, with no one in the house.

It doesn't get much better folks.

I am telling you this because i want you to try it.

When the shows credits rolled and i snapped back to reality. It was as if i was a new person.

The refreshing feeling, the excitement of a little secret, was wonderful.

So wonderful that as i went back to my bedroom to fold some laundry....

...i said "no."

"No i will not do this"

And i ran a bath instead.

I had precisely 22 minutes until i had to be back in the can to get Junior, and i was going to use every one of those minutes doing nothing at all.

As i sat there, in a blanket of perfectly warm water, i was happy.  So happy that i decided not to read the Food Network magazine that i had brought in there with me.

I just sat, smiling, warm, and listening to Jason Mraz  croon over the airwaves coming from my bedroom radio.

Nirvana, i tell you.

And if you don't understand. Try it.


Waste time.

Enjoy something.

Be alone.



Take a bath for absolutely no reason.

It soothes the soul.

I got out of the tub with exactly 9 minutes to get dressed and in the van.

And i was out the door, cool as a cucumber, with two minutes to spare.

As i backed out of the driveway, i nodded at the dog, maybe threw him a wink, as if we had a secret.

He just looked at me--confused--and bummed i didn't give him a treat.

But i just smiled--pointing back to him in slow motion.

"We did it, Gus." i whispered.

It made no sense to either of us, but it felt necessary at the time.

As i sat in the van, radio playing Jimmy Fallon, i didn't need a coat--due to my incredibly warm internal body temperature--thanks to the bath, i was happy.

I drove out of the neighborhood enjoying the beautiful fall leaves as they fell off the trees along the road.

I felt like i had a secret to tell. Like i had witnessed a mystery.

The wind howled back at me--nodding in approval.  I felt it.

And i drove on, smiling all the way.

Slowly reality settled in.

But i reminded myself of what happened today. The joy i felt. The freedom. The bliss.

I wasn't going to let anything ruin that.

Like a Mario character who retrieves a magical star that makes them run faster, i had enjoyed my own star of sorts today in front of that TV and as i drove closer and closer to pick up Junior from school, i felt it fading....slowly....the bliss was leaving....

The nirvana slowly extinguished until another day.

I reached out for it, calling "Noooo!" in hopes to catch it again, but alas--it was gone.

But no matter what the rest of the day holds-- i'm gonna smile---

Cause i watched a big kid show--during the day--alone--while i ate lunch. And it was wonderful.