Wednesday, July 16, 2014

to love or judge--that is the question.

A couple weeks back, our computer went ca put. And being we are from 1983 we only have one computer in our home that plugs into the wall, no wifi, and cell phones that only text.  So, what i'm sayin' is i had a lot of spare time to read. Which i LOVE more than anything.

I guess when i say "spare time" i actually mean i just neglected every other duty in my world to finish up three books.  I would say, totally worth it--Jeromy, not so much! Lol.

As i have wondered and thought, because--turns out I have to scrub my floors, make dinner and get the laundry done today, two books have been lingering in my mind.

I read books from all over the board. As long as they are true stories, i generally am interested.....or obsessed, with finishing them.

I read Elizabeth Smarts book. (the Mormon girl who was kidnapped for 9 months and then found) and a book called The Hiding Place, about a Dutch family who helped hide the Jews while Holland was occupied.

Now i find myself hanging in the balance, wondering what to think, when i consider these books.

After reading Elizabeth Smarts book i was determined to remind my kids never to be too compliant, to anything.  Never to just obey mindlessly. If you are ever taken, you fight. You fight. And then you fight some more. No matter what lies you are told or how afraid you feel.

I have assumed the position that everyone, everywhere, at all times is scheming to take a child, and i am personally going to be the one to combat all evil by never, ever even looking to anyone in need. Ever.

You're on the street begging for money? Yea-- probably so you can kidnap a child and make her your wife because you are all sorts of crazy. I know your type.

I fought my natural urge to help someone who looked like they were in need--because behind all that "helplessness" lays poison.  I mean, Ted Bundy preyed on the kindness of woman, took advantage of their concern for others in need. He was intelligent enough to think through his plans and then put them into action.

And that sickens me. And makes me, honestly, turn a blind eye to all those in need.  I feel myself saying "Hey, we're all fighting through life here. I'm not helpin' you....carry your own bags."

I'm just speaking my own ugly truth here. I'm not saying its right (obviously). But if i kept my kids from danger by hurting someone else?? I'd do it a hundred times over.

Fast forward to the book i just finished two days ago, and you'll find me on the complete other side.  Not keeping the ugliness of the world and its people at arms length, but wanting to love with open arms. Because we are all Gods creation and no one person is better than the other in His eyes.


I just think that is a hard reality to accept.

And i may be one short flew from the cuckoos nest here.

The Hiding Place was a book about the Jews, but from a different perspective of that war. One i hadn't read until now.  I have read book after book about the Holocaust and felt like there was no love to be found, anywhere, during that time.  It was every man for himself. And it was heartbreaking. I just couldn't understand how people could turn a blind eye to these people. This group that was being exterminated, for what?  It still infuriates me.

But this book was different, this book was filled with love. Love and miracles. This family, who loved God and trusted in His will and His timing--to the core, was unlike any family i had ever read about.
The book is sure to inspire you and its such a remarkable story of Gods unfailing love and the strength He provides to us as humans.  It reminded me again how physically powerful we were created and the enormous amount of pressure that we are capable of withstanding, but even more, how amazing God is and how without Him, what hope do we have?

So after reading those two books i find myself going through, what i like to call, "The Elizabeth Smart/Hiding place effect".

For example the other day i was taking my girls to school and i saw a man mowing the schools lawn. Aww, that's a nice job to have. He probably needs love. Then i realized he was just nothing. Just riding and smiling. And i was immediately like "hey, lets take that smile down a few notches, buddy. Ain't no one got time for that kind of happy. That is, unless they are planning to snatch little children, which--judging by your smile--you are."

Ya see?  I'm in a weird place. Unsure of what to even think. I fight my natural tendency to fear all things. And yet, i also rely on that fear for protection.

Maybe i'm the weirdo.

I am a real, idealist. I believe that, through Christ, all thinks can be good. They can be ideal. I really believe that we can get there. But i also believe that really bad people do exist and I'm going to do everything in my power to find them and beat them.....err, i mean avoid them.

Does anyone else's brains work like this?

Please tell me other people see these things and ponder on them.

I mean, you do think--don't you? Beyond whats for breakfast and your "to do" lists for the day.

I don't know.....i guess i am just thinking out loud.

Trying, as usual, to find the medium in my life and trying--desperately--to listen, trust and rely on God. In all things.

But darn it if our human flesh doesn't just get in the way.

Sometimes i get so wrapped up in the bad of the world, and my fears and all this evil, that i take it on my own weak, weak shoulders and forget to give it to the man with the biggest of shoulders.

To just trust God with my fears.

It sounds so very easy.....

And yet, here i sit, dealing with my "Elizabeth Smart/Hiding Place effect", wondering who deserves love and who doesn't....

And that answer is simple: Just keep an eye out for anyone who smiles too much or looks as if they haven't showered in days because they live in a make shift tent that they built in the mountains because they are insane in the membrane and think its okay to kidnap 14 year old girls because they want yet another wife who they will keep against her will. But be really, really careful not to confuse that person with the one who looks that way because they have actually been in a concentration camp, where they were beaten, humiliated, starved and made to live as animals. Who is alone because they watched as their family slowly died, one by one, each a horribly tragic death-because Hitler was the spawn of satan-and now they have no place left in this world to go, because, by the grace of God......They're finally free.  And desperately in need of love.

Judge accordingly.