I guess i wouldn't have even been able to put my finger on it...until yesterday. My friend sent me this great link to a blog that basically talked about choosing to be Radical in our walk with Christ. But not that we could only be radical through greatness but that we could also be radical in our homes and with the mundane... Sometimes its radical to just be at home doing the laundry and spending time washing dishes and scrubbing toilets. When we set out to do everything and answer every call that we think God is sending directly to us, we aren't always right and could stand in the way of letting someone else step up and shine for God.
That paragraph totally just dumbed down that awesome blog that i read, but that's my way of filling you in with out having to retype all of it. The just of it.
Now, obviously if you know me, busyness and taking on every challenge that comes my way is totally not me. I am content at home and love being here with the kids and think its very important and way too overlooked and not valued in this "busy, busy, gotta look important world."
In fact, i think people automatically make assumptions about the ones who don't over involve themselves. They label them "unqualified" or "weak". Its something that i have really been made aware of lately. But ya know what, its obviously not true. I think it takes more in a person to say no than to just keep saying yes. (now i am getting off topic, that is completely another blog)
What i am feeling and didn't even know it until it was awakened inside of me yesterday is...well...i can't even put a word to it. I felt spoken to yesterday when i read that blog. I realized that i am very content at home in my quiet time and in the word. I try hard to do it daily and i rely on and enjoy that time of refreshment and prayer. I am the content Mom who is at home doing the dirty work. (okay, i am not always content doing it. But i am home, where i think this season of my life, i belong)
I guess i don't really even know what i mean to say here. I feel so many things and i can't put any of them to words. I have been pondering a very huge thing that God has placed on my heart and it is wearing me out. I am mentally fatigued and tired of thinking about it. Debating what is right. Wondering. Thinking. Talking. Worrying. Fearing. Man, the fear. I can feel it sneaking in again. Whenever i face a new decision i guess and second guess and third guess and tenth guess my decision. I wavier back and forth. My biggest dilemma is the question i ask myself, is this in God's will and His prompting, or my own? And the buggar is, i have trouble deciphering the answer. I usually believe that if it goes right, its God's will and if it fails...it was mine.
What i am so aware of (especially in this fast paced world) is the command to "Be still and know that i am God." It sounds so easy, but i honestly believe that being still is not an easy thing for many Americans. I know for myself, that i can be still. That part isn't too hard to accomplish, but to quiet my mind and truly ask God to make me sensitive to His spirit. That is where i want to be. I need to be. I can't make these decisions when my brain is running. Always running. Though my body is physically still and i am quiet, my brain is forever going.
Joshua 3:5 calls us to "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you." If we don't allow time to consecrate (sanctify) ourselves in him. Then how can we expect Him to do amazing things with and among us?
We can't keep overbooking ourselves and overlooking life. When we go, go, go, we miss so much of life. We have time to check facebook every day, but do we find time to spend in His word?
This is just what I ponder and want to remind myself today. Ecclesiastes tells us that there is a time for everything. Maybe now, is our time of consecration and peace? So that tomorrow we can do great things.
I guess i believe that we can't have one with out the other. So today, i will present my requests to God and try to be intentional about my willingness to sanctify myself in Him.
Quiet my mind and be still, because i know that He is God.