Thursday, April 11, 2013

My boy

Some days are just good days. Ya know?

I know you know...


Every now and again, unexpectedly, God will just give me a day full of blessings. Even in an April winter weather advisory, life can be sunshine and rainbows at the Boone house.

Today stems from yesterday. I think.

Yesterday i was determined to clean my room.

I know, what a difficult task?  Well, yeah, it WAS a difficult task.

I happen to clean like a person with severe ADD, ADHD, OOOCD (opposite of obsessive compulsive disorder).  Sometimes i feel lazy, and most days i get super distracted by windows--i can't stand streaks.....

Ha! I joke, i don't care about streaks, i just like to look out windows, you never know what exciting thing you'll see. A bird, a chicken, a hawk (thats not a good thing) a dog, a dog eating a chicken (again, not a good thing)

The sun.

The trees.

The sky.

Its all glorious and totally distracting to me.

So yesterday i was determined to take every miss matched glove, sock, hat, toy, truck, basket, shoe, and hair thing and put it back in its actual home.

Yes, every now and again i have to do the ol "sniff test" on the undies...whateves....its our life, its what we do.

That is, until i did a sniff test on a shirt that was under a bunch of other things--i sniffed a long sleeved white shirt...and about fell over.

It was mine. I know, guh-ross...It was from a recent sweat induced run that i did. And with my organic deodorant...well, lets just say it almost made me give up for the day.

I had to find a window to focus on until the nausea passed. (Ha! It wasn't that bad---but close)

But like a champion, i carried on.

All my baskets got emptied, put away, and stored in the laundry room.

All the clothes made it into each child's room, and into their drawers.

Polly pockets made it...well, they look like they have just experienced an atomic bomb...but its in the girls room.

Hey, i never said i was perfect--back off!!

So after a day of super hard cleaning. I woke up today and felt refreshed.

For the first time, in like forever, i didn't wake up in the weeds. And it was magical.

Ya know why?

I have spent the whole day (minus my typing time now--but i'm quick--so chillax) hanging with my boy.

My beautiful, angelic, hilarious, handsome, strong, funny and edible baby boy.

We started out the day planning our festivities.  Which included making cookies--cause Momma needs her sugar--okay?!

But he was totally on board with that, cause he--like me--has the Kneiszler genes. And that's what we eat :) (Thanks Dad.)

Next i scrubbed the floors, with him on my back, yelling out "Yeee-hawwww" every chance he got.

Then i thought i broke my knee caps due to the extra 200 pounds, so we took a break in his room to read his eye spy book.

Then we made pizza.

And when i asked him if he wanted ranch dip on his plate---he "shushed" me because the preview for Avatar was on and he needed to pay 100% attention to the "Army guys".

The he said the blue guys were "bad" and i corrected him and said actually the "army guys" were kind of bad in this show.

Well, that didn't go over very well--but i digress.

We have just spend such quality time "hanging out" today. Like really hanging out. Not distracting him while i do dishes or put a movie on and leave the room, we just hung.

And ya know what?

That kid is totally cool (i mean, i already knew that. But i just wanted you to know.) Hes so nice.  He's funny.  Hes good company. And he smiles a whole heck of a lot.  And that in itself brings joy to my day.

I try to remind him about every 20 minutes or so that i need a kiss and that he's my best boy and that he better be kissing his Momma even when he's big.  Which only sends him into his description of what he going to be when he's big and "how can he kiss me when he's an Army guy?"

They i say "who's gonna snuggle you when you're an Army guy?"

And he thinks for a second and says that the wants to "marry me and then we can snuggle.... but what about Dad?"

Then his little eyes light up and he says "Then Dad will be our son!!!" And he laughs and asks me what we should name him? And i name off all the names that that i can think of and then i say "Jeromy" and Junior smiles and says "that's a good name!"

He's my boy. Plain and simple.

Sometimes i see him and i just think i want to inhale him and keep him this age forever.

Or pinch that little booty for the rest of my life.

Or snuggle, face to face, every night until I die.

He brings me joy.

Even on a cloudy, cold, rain/snowy day....

Its Sunny and 80 degrees in this house.

Because my little guy is better than warm weather, he's a warm little body that i want to snuggle for ever and ever until the end of time---even if it means i have to be an "Army girl"

Monday, April 8, 2013

Stay here.

Lately i have been pondering a thought...the same thought i have been pondering for the past year and a half. A thought that i never--in my wildest dreams--would have thought i would ever be considering.


I can't shake the feeling that my kids would benefit from it. I would benefit from it.  Our family would benefit from it.

Its not because i don't like my district. Well, i don't love the district, but i really do LOVE East Bethel Community School and all the teachers and staff there. Ruby has had some great teachers, and i have friends who work in the building all whom have made our experience there a good one.  There has been great parties, dances,  and get togethers. We have experienced a lot of really fun things. And i like it.

But then each day when i go to pick them up, or visit them at lunch or play with them at recess i fell a tiny pain in my heart. Like it hurts me a bit to see them away from me. Outside of my wing and away from my embrace.

As i ponder this decision i feel scared. Unsure. Nervous. Overwhelmed.

Anyone who knows me probably knows that this doesn't seem to be a good fit.  I am not "that parent" who is perfectly organized with cubbies, dividers and chore charts. But i DO love my kids. And i DO feel like i had them so that i could spend time with them. I don't like being away from them 8 hours a day.

I know i can do this--if i choose it.  It may be hard. It may be temporary, heck, they may go to prom with their Dad, but i don't want to NOT do it and regret it. I don't want to look back and think why did i think it would be so hard? They are only young once. And we have so much fun learning and experiencing life together.

I don't talk about this choice with many people, mostly because i don't want the criticism, or the warnings, or the doom and gloom of raising weird, unsocialized homeschoolers.

But we aren't weird, we aren't unsocialized. I mean, hello, have you met us?!  Socialization is the furthest from our problems!! :)

Today as i picked up my beautiful girls i glanced up the carpool line and I saw a mess of glorious red hair shimmering in the sun and a protective sisters hand holding her back from running--out of turn-- to the car to meet me...and for a second, i didn't see a second grader and a kindergartner....

I saw my little babies....and it hurt.

They shouldn't be away from me, not all day, not yet.