Friday, May 11, 2012

My joy

Do you ever have one of those days, where the only thing you can do right--is fail?? 

Man, did I have that day yesterday, and it carried into last night, and i woke up thinking about it this morning. 

You know, when you put your heart and soul into parenting your kids and trying to figure out what they need and when they need it, and making sure they are full of love and security in life...its a tough job.  We may not hear we're doing it right. Heck, we may not even be doing it right. But we are trying. With every fiber of our being--we are trying.

And for me, it doesn't take much to get discouraged. Even the slightest bit of inclination that one of my children is suffering breaks my heart and makes me consider every and all things that i have invested in.

My investment is my kids. Period.  That is my job at this house. (well, hubby and kids)  So when i hear they are struggling or behind or not where they should be...i re-evaluate my life. Everything they do  is a direct reflection on me.

Now i don't mean that in the worlds eyes. Like i want to look good. Or appear like i am doing it right. What i mean is if they can't figure something out that i haven't taught them well enough. And it hurts me, so deeply, when i feel like i have let them down in some way. 

Now i know i am a little overboard in my thinking. I know its extreme. We can't do everything right and we can't protect them forever. But i want to. For them. 

So this morning i woke up feeling a little blue.  Nothing much, just not the normal chipper chicken that i am.

But as i was walking and praying early this morning --an image of Laney putting her arm around her friend at the field trip on Wednesday came to my mind.

And it made me smile.

And then i thought about how Junior is literally the worlds best kisser. Bar none.

Or how Ruby sneaks out of her room on Wednesday nights (when Jeromy is at church) and smiles as she joins me on the couch for a little special "Mom and Ruby time."

And then i remembered last night as we played on the swing set how Junior slid down the slide with pure joy (holding a stick, or course) as he pretended someone was after him.

And then i thought of Ruby with her sly smile and her knowing eyes.

Which made me think of Laney's amazing ability to make her brother laugh whenever he is sad.

And how Ruby is growing up right before my eyes and at the dinner table, she says things like "JK, Mom...JK!

Then i thought of how much i loved to snuggle in between my girls at night and read them their new American Girl book series.

And how my heart feels full at night when i lay next to Junior and i say "I love you." And he leans over and kisses me and says, "I love you too, Mom."

There is so many things to feel happy about. So many blessings. So much life. I don't want to waste my time focusing on the what if''s of every possible scenario.

I want to enjoy my kids.  Because they are so utterly amazing. And when i am looking at them, nothing else seems to matter any more...

I hope today all of you can find joy in your families and forget your troubles. If only for a moment.

                                                      Because that's what i'm going to do....