Thursday, October 28, 2010

confessions of a "stay at home mom"

So, here i sit. At the computer. I know i have things pressing, like making dinner, cleaning up before Jeromy gets home, interacting with the kids.  The list goes on and on, and yet I find myself here.   I am feeling like a bump on a log today.  In fact, the last few days.  Is it the weather?  Is it me?  I am not sure, but i don't like it and can't seem to kick it.  My husband would call it a "funk" but i call it motherhood.

Some days are just hard. Some days are long.  And now with winter fast approaching, the skies are dark by 5 o'clock.  I can feel grumpiness and crabbiness luring me in, but i am doing my best to stand strong against it.  If I give into it now, its going to be a REAL long winter.

As i was driving home from choir last night, i had this thought.  I just want a break from life. (not in the sad depressed kind of way) I just want to get up in the morning and not feel the weight of my responsibility on my shoulders.  I guess what i really want is to be 17 again.  But just for a day...or maybe two:)

I think as a mother we go through so many different stages and they are ones that ONLY another mother can understand.  There should just be a special nod for mothers of multiple young children.  Like a crossed eye, shoulder shrug with your tongue out and slightly to the left. ( I am picturing Kathy Lee Gifford doing her thing. Anyone who watches SNL would understand...its funny, people. Funny.) That would be my choice.  It wouldn't be cool, but it would express alot in a small gesture:)

I am tired of the comments people make to stay at home moms.  Like "oh, what do you do all day."  Or "I sure couldn't do it"  One time my husbands boss actually said to him after hearing him and i talking on the phone, (he could hear that i was mad)  "What does she have to be so mad about. She gets to stay home?!"   I agree that it is a privilege to stay home and i am so thankful that my husband works hard to make that possible, but seriously?  i don't think we stay home just to sleep in all day, watch Oprah, do our nails and take naps!!  Its hard work. We (at least me) don't do it cause its the easiest or we are natural at it. We do it to benefit out kids. I stay home because I want to do everything that i can to support and raise, and be a part of my kids young lives.  Its only 5 years of their life...and then they are gone. 8 hours a day they are in school. Basically being raised by the teachers.  We have to make our time count as Moms.  There is so much responsibility to teach them, SO much.  Sure we are the ones who don't have our nails done, and don't wear the high heals, but that's because we are sacrificing "things" for such a greater good.  Actual parenting! Not part time, put them to bed parenting. The real hard stuff.  The diapers, the drama, the laundry, the dishes, the dinner, the vacuuming  the nap, the unsuccessful nap, the baths, the stories, the changing pee pants in the middle of the night, the "I guess i can go one more day with out a shower" look.  Theres not too many kids that say "thanks for changing my diaper", or "you did a great job with dinner Mom, way to go the extra mile"
I know its the age old argument...  I am not saying we have it any harder than anyone else, i am just saying how about a little respect. Just because we don't bring home a paycheck doesn't mean that we are invaluable.  Or that we don't want to work because we aren't qualified.  We are choosing this road for our kids.  No one else.  I only hope that i can do it even close to right, so that they turn into wonderfully caring , kind, smart and loving human beings.  Because the time is flying by...

So, like my blog title. I am going to embrace my place. I am going to get my butt upstairs and cook dinner with a smile. (it may be fake, but its still a smile)  I am going to struggle through this difficult time because before i know it, life will be at a whole new pace and i will have missed this glorious stage where the kids need me and like me and think i am funny and want to spend time with me and want to snuggle and want to hold my hand and aren't embarrassed of me...yet.

So for all of my amazing stay at home friends ...KEEP PRESSING ON, because you are AWESOME!!

1 comment:

  1. Really enjoyed reading this. I needed to hear all of that today...Its been one of those weeks and I only have one kid. So glad you started a blog.