Yesterday as i was driving out of the neighbor hood (blaring Michael Buble's Christmas album...but thats none of your business...and i don't like your tone) I saw a elderly couple coming out of one of my neighbors house carrying a suitcases--and it hit me.
I'm going to be that old some day too. That's hard for me to wrap my brain around. They just looked so cute and they were probably someones parents just staying for the weekend. I wanted to go up to them and squeeze their cheeks and tell them how cute i thought they were. But i didn't think they'd appreciate that.
Who knows? Maybe they would...
But maybe would?
What i'm trying to say is that i really like them. And i wonder what I will be like in 50 years. Not only do i wonder about it, i kind of panic attack about it.
Jeromy and I were just talking the other day about the fact that he is going to turn 37 this year!!! 37 is soooo close to 40...might as well be 75, right? Man. That's gonna be a toughie for me. Heck, 32 might just be tough.
And what makes it worse is yesterday in all my spare time, since i used my time super wisely, i looked through my own faceboook photos and watched as i transitioned to an old faced 31 year old. Oy. That hurt.
Have you ever done that? Cause i would recommend it.
If you want to watch yourself get wrinkles, double chins and darker hair.
On second thought. Don't do it. Save yourself the need to cry over a bowl of delicious ice cream...
... and then a cupcake...
...and then some chips-since that's just too much sugar and you will need some salt -
... and then maybe a butterfingers.
And then take one more quick look at your facebook photos circa 2009!! Waaaaaaaaaah!
But I digress.
What i meant to say was, when i look back now, i see a fresh faced girl with a quick smile.
How do i get that back? Where has the time gone i ask. WHERE?
When i am 75 and bringing my suitcase out to the car, what will i think as i reminisce about my 31 year old self?
Will I think, Remember all the energy that i had when i was 31? Remember that fresh face and quick smile? Where did that go? And why do my knees and back hurt so much?
Every now and again, i have to take a little inventory of my life. Re-evaluate things. Take a good look in the mirror and embrace what i see. Cause this is it people. This is my only opportunity to be 31. And i don't want to waste it away looking at old pictures or feeling too tired to walk and more ready to eat. I want to make today, tomorrow and next week count. So that i can look back and like what i see.
I want not to focus on the lines around my eyes, but the reasons that i got them. I smile alot. And with smiling (and not using anti wrinkle cream...oh, the chemicals!) ya get lines. I want to remember why i smiled so much in life.
I want to remember my son's amazing hugs. I want to remember Ruby attempting to "catch" me as i squat down by the fridge and lose my balance. I want to remember Laney rolling her eyes as she talks about a boy in her class. I want to remember how funny my husband is when he's not even trying. I want to remember that my life is full. And i smile for a reason.
I am happy.
Even when i'm not. I'm happy. Because this is a great life and i have great kids, a great husband, great friends, great parents, a DVR that works, a good dog and some awesome chickens. (i include them because they make me happy, ok!)
I guess the reason i don't want to get old is because i don't want to waste a second of my life. I want to thoroughly enjoy and be present in each and every day that God graces me with.
And that--makes me smile.