Warning: I am NOT in a good mood...
Ahhh, what a looong week i had last week and an even harder weekend. Life seems to be crazy lately and i am not loving that. I am NOT and never have been that girl that has to be busy and needs to be involved in 50 things to feel important. I am content chasing my kids, playing outside, doing laundry and being home.
I can't even put my finger on exactly why i am so frustrated but i think i have a few good ideas. As the kids get older, every other weekend we have a full house and it seems to wreak a little havoc on everyone and that is getting hard. Jeromy is playing softball two nights a week, in a row (which i encouraged) but i am realizing that two long days and nights alone with the kids is hard. My kids are getting ...ummmm, well...mouthy! Its driving me crazy. I remember when Ruby was just a baby and my sister in law told me that it was the fighting that was so hard to deal with. Her kids were close in age and fought alot. I didn't quite understand exactly what she meant back then, but I do now.
Is it just me!?!? Or does anyone else have these hard days? I am getting so annoyed at the parents who have a problem, they handle it and give me that solution. I mean, come on? Really? Its just NOT that easy. At least not at this house. I notice Ruby has turned into a little mouthy grumpy goose since she started kindergarten. I want to blame school on this problem...and it may be part of it...but i have to take responsibility for it too. As she sasses and then Laney sasses back and now i hear Junior doing it, i wonder to myself ... Is it her age? Is it school? Is she just trying to be independent? Is it genetic? Or is she copying me?! No answers are good enough. No one knows and the weight falls solely on my shoulders. I am a stay at home mom. This is my job. I am the teacher and they learn from me.
I am not kidding, its like i walk around this house saying"don't drink your water in the living room" and the minute i leave, they bring it in there. I can say, "make your bed" and two hour and one spanking later they are playing polly pockets in their mess still. I feel like maybe i am talking so much that they don't even hear me anymore? I don't know. Do i raise my voice more than i should, or not enough? Why does one of them instinctively kick their foot out when the other one walks by? We are dealing with fights and tears ALL THE TIME at this house. And honestly, i am not used to that. I grew up with three brothers. There was alot of fighting, but not alot of crying in our house. I don't know how to deal with this. I even find that i will lower myself to their level sometimes. Like, i just want to say "Fine. I am mad at you and i don't want to talk to you either!" I mean, come on...what am i two for thinking like this? Ugh.
This week especially, i have the overwhleming urge to yell, "I HAVE FEELING TOO!!" (like a child, i know) to my family...ALOT. But honestly i can only take so much of the "Mom get me some water!" Or "I don't like you!" I know they are kids and i am sure so many of you moms are thinking, well, just follow through ...discipline different... and all will be okay. I know Moms think it, i have done it myself. But i also know and am 100% positive that every kid is different and they don't all respond exactly the same way. I just can't figure out what the "best" way is to parent each of mine.
I was at a game a while ago with a friend and talking to a mom who has young children. And she goes to work and drops her kids off at day care and then has extra curricular activities and meetings and other obligations in a day. I know that is normal for so many moms. But ya know what? If you aren't home all day every day (or most days) living in the trenches with your kids, then you don't understand my complaints. Those are the parents who think its easy, they try to direct me, saying "i just say jump and my kids listen". Its making me so crazy these days. I know i have gotten in trouble writing about this before and i probably will again, but ya know what, its how i truly feel. Its NOT the same.
I am sitting here, wanting to finish the dishes, needing to fold one more load of laundry and wishing i could keep up on my household tasks so i could enjoy the beautiful weather, but i can't... I swear i am always saying i want to catch up on chores, but i never seem to get there and today that is making me feel like screaming...
I wish i had a day where my kids woke up perfectly happy, cleaned their rooms, remembered their manners, ate their lunch, and didn't say one unkind word to any of us...That would make me happy.