Time keeps on tickin'....

My day started today, with this new found resolve to enter into my 32nd year healthy and happy....mixed with an overwhelming urge to finish this miniature cake that i got from Costco.

I didn't want to have to eat it--but i made the coffee too strong--and well, the rest is basically history, right?

Its like i never even had a choice!!

So here i sit. With a coffee and a cake at 10:26 on a Saturday morning.

I was looking through old pictures trying to find a specific one of my boy--which just lead me to old picture files where my babies were so tiny, and so amazing. ( i mean, they are still amazing now...but they were just tiny little amazing things then.)

But i also noticed that as i looked back,  I seemed to have blonder hair, smaller hips and a healthier smile.(but that's neither here nor there....)

Well, its actually there---cause it ain't here, sister!! AMIRIGHT?!

(insert gentle whimper for the days gone by...and youth.... and a faster metabolism)

But i digress...this is about my little angels.

I just sat there looking at all of the pictures of my babies, as, well-- babies.

And man, were they like the cutest things ever?!?

I wish i had 27 more to have and hold forever!!

Which in turn made my uterus hurt... excuse me while i go snuggle them right now....

Aren't they just perfect?

So happy. So young. So precious. And they love each...

(i saw this one and just accidentally kissed the computer screen.)

 Who loves ya, baby?

 Momma does, THAT'S WHO!!

They are like my very own little princesses and the handsome Prince.

(Oops, just kissed the screen again. Ugh. This is tricky.)

 

Its like music to my soul to look at my little kidlets.

So, for all you Momma's out there who are in the weeds of toddlerhood. Or baby hood. With sleepless nights. Spit up. Stinky diapers.  No time to yourself. Dirty laundry. Dirty dishes.  Messy hair. Stinky pits. Too tight jeans. Exhaustion. And fatigue....

Just remember this--

 Hug them.....

 And squeeze them.....

 And cuddle them....

 And care for them.....

 And hold them.....

 And kiss them...

 And keep them...

 And love them...

 Forever...

And ever....

 Amen.

Because it really will be gone in the blink of an eye.

And you're going to miss it....

Now, excuse we while i go cry and tell my delicious cake all about it!

Happy thoughts

This week has been....ummmm....lets just say, less than ideal. Ya see we've had a bit of a sitch-ee-ation (to name a few) that isn't one that anyone wants to deal with.(but that's for another blog.)

 There has been a few days where i have just  felt overwhelmed--to the max. Like maybe if i was on the corner of the roof i might just jump off--on purpose. Ya feel me? Its been difficult.

(disclaimer to the last statement: I say that alot....so don't overreact or panic. Its just how i describe things. Remember, 90% joking at all times....)

The other day, after a few days of constant "ugh" in life, i went out to my garden. Which, helloooo, i should have known this would happen--but for some reason i forgot.

Instantly as i entered my little garden and walked around (i had to replant a few cucumbers that didn't seem to take root) i fell good.  Just good. So good. Very good.  Good.

With my feet in the earth, my crop growing (even if barely) and the birds and the bugs and the wind and the sun. It was all glorious. And it lifted my spirits as i wondered around in there.

So on my way in, i saw that my rhubarb had really grown while we were away in Pipestone and i decided--for the first time--to harvest it.  So i yanked on the stems and pulled them out of the ground and away from the plant and walked back to the house with a arm full of beautiful rhubarb.  And it made all things bad in life--go away.

For me, when i am outside--all is well.  And sometimes i forget that. When the sun is shining (don't get hung up on the post that i said i like the gloomy days (they take away household pressure)-i also LOVE the sunny ones) i just feel right. When i can be on the lawnmower mowing the lawn and looking at all the gifts that God has blessed us with. Including 2 acres of land filled with half grass, half who knows what and a tiny sprinkle of sandburs.....all is well.

(okay so this is a picture of Jeromy on the mower and no grass...its all I have, okay!? But you get the point. I mean its not like i take picture of myself mowing the lawn........yet)

After driving through the cities over the last few days (yuck-o) i am always so very happy to head north again. I literally loathe the city and the busy living down there. You couldn't pay me to live South.  Honestly.  My friend (Shy) and i joke that she doesn't ever want to live North of 694 and i say i would never, ever want to live South of it :) (we're fun like that)

I didn't even know i loved the North so much until I moved up here.  It just seems so much slower.(maybe meth filled, i'm not sure) but i like it.( not the meth...the pace)

I think it stems from a childhood of going up to Mora. Its still one of my favorite places to drive.  Its like the further North i go--the more at ease i feel.

So as i was inside, cutting up my rhubarb and roasting my freshly butchered--by us--chicken and making a batch of homemade chicken broth (compliments of our many chicken bones) i couldn't help but be happy.

And--no joke--as i was on cloud nine and convincing myself how wonderful life is and how much better the blessings are than the problems, Ruby comes in and says she needs a carton for the eggs, and i give her one, and then she comes back in the house with our beautiful eggs. Its like at that very moment--i felt God high fiving me--saying 'you are going to make it. I am here and i am taking care of you. There may be bad, but there is always good.'

So the last day or so, as i have been working and keeping watch on the outside, i had my camera with me. To remind myself of all that is good.

And ya know what I found?? That once you start looking for it--really seeking out the good--its really, really easy to find.

After i was done mowing yesterday this is what i came around the house to find. Jeromy was home! And his little admirer had found him :)  I love those guys.

  And then the kids found his work truck, and the lift that he brought home with it. And that was like a present in itself for the kids.

(Fear not, Mom-- i was watching them --they couldn't get it moving, or pinch themselves or fall off of it or any other dramatic and harmful scene, I promise)

So this morning i went to let my chickens out of the coop for the day and the kids came out with me. And i found more joy.

And then Jesse, our little Rhode Island Red you see here--the same one who invaded my car vacuuming  a year back and the same little nosy chicken that is always underfoot--just hoping you will drop a treat for her--was in the garage, sneaking around, laying in the sunflower seed bag. Silly chicken--trix are for kids....oh, wait--never mind.(but it did feel like that was the direction i was going in--didn't it?)

Then the kids got on their bikes are got busy racing and running all over the yard.  I always love that my kids would still rather be outside than in.  There is so much goodness that comes from being in nature.

Like one with the forest.

Peace love and harmony

 Earth wind and fire.

Sometimes i feel a bit Pocahontas like--mainly just when i am talking to Grandmother Willow in the back yard.  Right?

I guess that's really only funny if you know the movie Pocahontas as well as i do?

I'm John Smith............I'm Pocahontas........(insert music here)

No, nothing?  Still not picking up what i'm laying down?

Never mind.

Back to other lovely things....


Here are the kids--bright and early--checking on the garden with me and setting up some tags that have blown over.

Its clearly not my best crop yet....but it'll get there. I know it.

Mmmmm, tomatoes.  (as you can see we are really picky about the super cool pajamas we wear...to bed or outside. You don't know --this could just be a three day outfit--but what an outfit it is, right?! ;)

This is my own reminder to focus on the good. And not to let the bad drag me down. Because there really is alot of good out there, even in times of darkness. If we seek it, i believe God will show it to us.  

And a little joy can lift a spirit in ways almost nothing else can.  Life is hard. So go mow the grass, be present in today, go outside with the kids, buy chickens (i highly recommend that one) plant a garden and just take a load off, sister! Because you deserve it. Your family deserves it.

  Because that to-do list.........it'll still be there tomorrow. And you don't want to miss the moments. Those indescribable moments we miss when our head is down and we are just getting by it in life. 

Look up. 

Live.

At this very moment we could be missing a gift.......because we're too busy doing stuff.

(So basically what i 'm saying here is--i'm never going to do the laundry, clean the dishes, or pay a bill for the rest of my life...ya know, cause i just don't want to miss a thing....)

Nooooo, i joke.

Turn the computer off and live.......

Riiiiiiiigh......

.....now!!!

Believe

The other day i was reading through Luke--which is uncommon--since i'm kind of a Matthew girl.  But that day i wanted to read Luke's perspective on what happened when Jesus walked this earth.

And it struck me, as i read about the Faith of the centurion, just how amazing 'faith' is.   I reread the part where Jesus hears of the the centurion who sends a friend to ask Jesus to heal his dying servant at home.  And how the centurion says that he isn't even worthy to have Jesus under his roof, but asks Jesus to "say the word, and my servant will be healed." (Luke 7:7)  His faith in Jesus awesome power saved him.

I always love the stories of faith. Faith like a mustard seed. Faith that healed. I love the woman who reached out just to touch a piece of Jesus cloak, in hopes of it healing her--because of her faith. (Mark 5: 25-34) "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." 

I feel such urgency these days to cling to my faith--daily.  Sometimes i lay in bed at night and think about the day and feel embarrassed, as i talk with God, about all the 'little stuff' that i let get to me. All the people who can irritate me and who i let distract me from the bigger picture.  I feel like a failure and i ask for forgiveness and that His spirit takes hold of me and guides me through the next day. Conscious of His presence. Purpose-filled to make a difference.

The other day as i was talking to my Mom on the phone, she said, "Christina, we could spend the whole day on the couch praying for those who are hurting." And she is so right.  There are so many people who i pray for each morning, and--maybe its my age--maybe its the end--I don't know, but it just feels like its overwhelming sometimes. We really could spend all day praying.  And i want to do that. I want to cover my family, my friends, my acquaintances-- in prayer.

Because i believe in it.

And if i were being completely honest, I feel bad, that our country is lost. Wondering in the wrong direction. Searching, but coming up empty handed. Filling our God shaped holes with other "stuff". I pray--i plead--that God doesn't overlook the ones who love him. Please Lord, don't strike us all down.Work in us to reach the lost.  Love us. Love me. Love my family. Don't forget about us.

And yet, he probably thinks, Don't forget about me.

I always try to put our relationship with Christ into perspective--compare it to a human relationship.

And one thing that i always think of is something i heard years ago from Pastor Sean.  He talked about not getting angry when you're in the car and someone cuts you off, or steals your parking spot. How  "loving others" means giving a stranger our front row spot,(even if we desperately feel entitled to it) without a second thought.

And then he talked about how when we give up that spot, out of the kindness of our heart, how we feel when that person doesn't acknowledge us--give us that courtesy wave-- how that can irritate us.

How loving like Christ loves means giving 100% without any need, any want, anything in return.  We give because we love.  Period.

Now imagine that that person, who takes your spot and doesn't acknowledge or care about you--is someone who you take a bullet for.....(oh, boy!)

Who, as you are laying-bleeding-on the ground from sacrificing your life to save theirs-- walks over you, steps on your wound, spits on you, and never looks back. Never acknowledges the sacrifice you gave so that they could live.  Never thought twice about the loss that was suffered. Just continued on--living life for himself.

That's how so many of us treat God. The God who created us, knit us together in our mothers womb. Who knows the number of hairs on our head.

I think about that alot.  And i feel badly. I feel sad.  I feel remorseful. I feel thankful.

God sent his one and only Son--his perfect son--to die a sinners death. For us.

And he loves us, even when we walk past the cross, even when we step on his wounded body, even when we don't deserve it.

And that blows my mind.  And i think about it. Alot.

I ponder-- how, Lord, how can i love you better. How can i shed this sinful skin that i wear as a human? How can i truly live for you.? How can i go to bed at night feeling like i made you proud? That i didn't give into the sin, the temptation, the selfishness of this world? How?

I know God "loves us as we are."  I know people like to say that he'll "meet you where you are..."

I know this.  But i also fear that it has become a crutch for so many people and I just don't want to be "good enough" .

Ya know?

If people were honest, and they looked at their life, their days, how many of us can truly say that we spend time in his word, time in prayer, time contemplating his will for our lives?  Its not a mean statement, but a truthful one.  A charge. To remind us what we're fighting for. Who we're fighting for.

I want so badly for God to look at me and say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." (Matthew 25:21)

I want for just one day, to choose Him--above all else. Above my selfish, sinful nature.

I want to love, when someone doesn't deserve it. I want to help, when it feels inconvenient. I want to teach, when it feels unimportant. I want patience in a time of chaos. Wisdom, when a decision is needed. A quick ear and a slow tongue.

I want love. I want joy. I want peace. I want patience, I want kindness. I want goodness. I want faithfulness. I want gentleness. I want self control.

I want, even if for a moment, Jesus to feel my love. To take the burden off of Him. I want to make him proud. And to remind him that we're still out here. Loving him.  Worshiping him. Following His teachings.

We haven't forgotten.  We hear him knocking. Our nation will open that door. Our knees will bow. Our tongues will confess--that Jesus is Lord.

 I pray for it.

 and I believe it.

Mark 5:36 says "Don't be afraid; just believe."

So i don't want to lose hope, but remain faithful. Certain of my belief!!