Happy thoughts

This week has been....ummmm....lets just say, less than ideal. Ya see we've had a bit of a sitch-ee-ation (to name a few) that isn't one that anyone wants to deal with.(but that's for another blog.)

 There has been a few days where i have just  felt overwhelmed--to the max. Like maybe if i was on the corner of the roof i might just jump off--on purpose. Ya feel me? Its been difficult.

(disclaimer to the last statement: I say that alot....so don't overreact or panic. Its just how i describe things. Remember, 90% joking at all times....)

The other day, after a few days of constant "ugh" in life, i went out to my garden. Which, helloooo, i should have known this would happen--but for some reason i forgot.

Instantly as i entered my little garden and walked around (i had to replant a few cucumbers that didn't seem to take root) i fell good.  Just good. So good. Very good.  Good.

With my feet in the earth, my crop growing (even if barely) and the birds and the bugs and the wind and the sun. It was all glorious. And it lifted my spirits as i wondered around in there.

So on my way in, i saw that my rhubarb had really grown while we were away in Pipestone and i decided--for the first time--to harvest it.  So i yanked on the stems and pulled them out of the ground and away from the plant and walked back to the house with a arm full of beautiful rhubarb.  And it made all things bad in life--go away.

For me, when i am outside--all is well.  And sometimes i forget that. When the sun is shining (don't get hung up on the post that i said i like the gloomy days (they take away household pressure)-i also LOVE the sunny ones) i just feel right. When i can be on the lawnmower mowing the lawn and looking at all the gifts that God has blessed us with. Including 2 acres of land filled with half grass, half who knows what and a tiny sprinkle of sandburs.....all is well.

(okay so this is a picture of Jeromy on the mower and no grass...its all I have, okay!? But you get the point. I mean its not like i take picture of myself mowing the lawn........yet)

After driving through the cities over the last few days (yuck-o) i am always so very happy to head north again. I literally loathe the city and the busy living down there. You couldn't pay me to live South.  Honestly.  My friend (Shy) and i joke that she doesn't ever want to live North of 694 and i say i would never, ever want to live South of it :) (we're fun like that)

I didn't even know i loved the North so much until I moved up here.  It just seems so much slower.(maybe meth filled, i'm not sure) but i like it.( not the meth...the pace)

I think it stems from a childhood of going up to Mora. Its still one of my favorite places to drive.  Its like the further North i go--the more at ease i feel.

So as i was inside, cutting up my rhubarb and roasting my freshly butchered--by us--chicken and making a batch of homemade chicken broth (compliments of our many chicken bones) i couldn't help but be happy.

And--no joke--as i was on cloud nine and convincing myself how wonderful life is and how much better the blessings are than the problems, Ruby comes in and says she needs a carton for the eggs, and i give her one, and then she comes back in the house with our beautiful eggs. Its like at that very moment--i felt God high fiving me--saying 'you are going to make it. I am here and i am taking care of you. There may be bad, but there is always good.'

So the last day or so, as i have been working and keeping watch on the outside, i had my camera with me. To remind myself of all that is good.

And ya know what I found?? That once you start looking for it--really seeking out the good--its really, really easy to find.

After i was done mowing yesterday this is what i came around the house to find. Jeromy was home! And his little admirer had found him :)  I love those guys.

  And then the kids found his work truck, and the lift that he brought home with it. And that was like a present in itself for the kids.

(Fear not, Mom-- i was watching them --they couldn't get it moving, or pinch themselves or fall off of it or any other dramatic and harmful scene, I promise)

So this morning i went to let my chickens out of the coop for the day and the kids came out with me. And i found more joy.

And then Jesse, our little Rhode Island Red you see here--the same one who invaded my car vacuuming  a year back and the same little nosy chicken that is always underfoot--just hoping you will drop a treat for her--was in the garage, sneaking around, laying in the sunflower seed bag. Silly chicken--trix are for kids....oh, wait--never mind.(but it did feel like that was the direction i was going in--didn't it?)

Then the kids got on their bikes are got busy racing and running all over the yard.  I always love that my kids would still rather be outside than in.  There is so much goodness that comes from being in nature.

Like one with the forest.

Peace love and harmony

 Earth wind and fire.

Sometimes i feel a bit Pocahontas like--mainly just when i am talking to Grandmother Willow in the back yard.  Right?

I guess that's really only funny if you know the movie Pocahontas as well as i do?

I'm John Smith............I'm Pocahontas........(insert music here)

No, nothing?  Still not picking up what i'm laying down?

Never mind.

Back to other lovely things....


Here are the kids--bright and early--checking on the garden with me and setting up some tags that have blown over.

Its clearly not my best crop yet....but it'll get there. I know it.

Mmmmm, tomatoes.  (as you can see we are really picky about the super cool pajamas we wear...to bed or outside. You don't know --this could just be a three day outfit--but what an outfit it is, right?! ;)

This is my own reminder to focus on the good. And not to let the bad drag me down. Because there really is alot of good out there, even in times of darkness. If we seek it, i believe God will show it to us.  

And a little joy can lift a spirit in ways almost nothing else can.  Life is hard. So go mow the grass, be present in today, go outside with the kids, buy chickens (i highly recommend that one) plant a garden and just take a load off, sister! Because you deserve it. Your family deserves it.

  Because that to-do list.........it'll still be there tomorrow. And you don't want to miss the moments. Those indescribable moments we miss when our head is down and we are just getting by it in life. 

Look up. 

Live.

At this very moment we could be missing a gift.......because we're too busy doing stuff.

(So basically what i 'm saying here is--i'm never going to do the laundry, clean the dishes, or pay a bill for the rest of my life...ya know, cause i just don't want to miss a thing....)

Nooooo, i joke.

Turn the computer off and live.......

Riiiiiiiigh......

.....now!!!

Believe

The other day i was reading through Luke--which is uncommon--since i'm kind of a Matthew girl.  But that day i wanted to read Luke's perspective on what happened when Jesus walked this earth.

And it struck me, as i read about the Faith of the centurion, just how amazing 'faith' is.   I reread the part where Jesus hears of the the centurion who sends a friend to ask Jesus to heal his dying servant at home.  And how the centurion says that he isn't even worthy to have Jesus under his roof, but asks Jesus to "say the word, and my servant will be healed." (Luke 7:7)  His faith in Jesus awesome power saved him.

I always love the stories of faith. Faith like a mustard seed. Faith that healed. I love the woman who reached out just to touch a piece of Jesus cloak, in hopes of it healing her--because of her faith. (Mark 5: 25-34) "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." 

I feel such urgency these days to cling to my faith--daily.  Sometimes i lay in bed at night and think about the day and feel embarrassed, as i talk with God, about all the 'little stuff' that i let get to me. All the people who can irritate me and who i let distract me from the bigger picture.  I feel like a failure and i ask for forgiveness and that His spirit takes hold of me and guides me through the next day. Conscious of His presence. Purpose-filled to make a difference.

The other day as i was talking to my Mom on the phone, she said, "Christina, we could spend the whole day on the couch praying for those who are hurting." And she is so right.  There are so many people who i pray for each morning, and--maybe its my age--maybe its the end--I don't know, but it just feels like its overwhelming sometimes. We really could spend all day praying.  And i want to do that. I want to cover my family, my friends, my acquaintances-- in prayer.

Because i believe in it.

And if i were being completely honest, I feel bad, that our country is lost. Wondering in the wrong direction. Searching, but coming up empty handed. Filling our God shaped holes with other "stuff". I pray--i plead--that God doesn't overlook the ones who love him. Please Lord, don't strike us all down.Work in us to reach the lost.  Love us. Love me. Love my family. Don't forget about us.

And yet, he probably thinks, Don't forget about me.

I always try to put our relationship with Christ into perspective--compare it to a human relationship.

And one thing that i always think of is something i heard years ago from Pastor Sean.  He talked about not getting angry when you're in the car and someone cuts you off, or steals your parking spot. How  "loving others" means giving a stranger our front row spot,(even if we desperately feel entitled to it) without a second thought.

And then he talked about how when we give up that spot, out of the kindness of our heart, how we feel when that person doesn't acknowledge us--give us that courtesy wave-- how that can irritate us.

How loving like Christ loves means giving 100% without any need, any want, anything in return.  We give because we love.  Period.

Now imagine that that person, who takes your spot and doesn't acknowledge or care about you--is someone who you take a bullet for.....(oh, boy!)

Who, as you are laying-bleeding-on the ground from sacrificing your life to save theirs-- walks over you, steps on your wound, spits on you, and never looks back. Never acknowledges the sacrifice you gave so that they could live.  Never thought twice about the loss that was suffered. Just continued on--living life for himself.

That's how so many of us treat God. The God who created us, knit us together in our mothers womb. Who knows the number of hairs on our head.

I think about that alot.  And i feel badly. I feel sad.  I feel remorseful. I feel thankful.

God sent his one and only Son--his perfect son--to die a sinners death. For us.

And he loves us, even when we walk past the cross, even when we step on his wounded body, even when we don't deserve it.

And that blows my mind.  And i think about it. Alot.

I ponder-- how, Lord, how can i love you better. How can i shed this sinful skin that i wear as a human? How can i truly live for you.? How can i go to bed at night feeling like i made you proud? That i didn't give into the sin, the temptation, the selfishness of this world? How?

I know God "loves us as we are."  I know people like to say that he'll "meet you where you are..."

I know this.  But i also fear that it has become a crutch for so many people and I just don't want to be "good enough" .

Ya know?

If people were honest, and they looked at their life, their days, how many of us can truly say that we spend time in his word, time in prayer, time contemplating his will for our lives?  Its not a mean statement, but a truthful one.  A charge. To remind us what we're fighting for. Who we're fighting for.

I want so badly for God to look at me and say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." (Matthew 25:21)

I want for just one day, to choose Him--above all else. Above my selfish, sinful nature.

I want to love, when someone doesn't deserve it. I want to help, when it feels inconvenient. I want to teach, when it feels unimportant. I want patience in a time of chaos. Wisdom, when a decision is needed. A quick ear and a slow tongue.

I want love. I want joy. I want peace. I want patience, I want kindness. I want goodness. I want faithfulness. I want gentleness. I want self control.

I want, even if for a moment, Jesus to feel my love. To take the burden off of Him. I want to make him proud. And to remind him that we're still out here. Loving him.  Worshiping him. Following His teachings.

We haven't forgotten.  We hear him knocking. Our nation will open that door. Our knees will bow. Our tongues will confess--that Jesus is Lord.

 I pray for it.

 and I believe it.

Mark 5:36 says "Don't be afraid; just believe."

So i don't want to lose hope, but remain faithful. Certain of my belief!!

My Soaring Eagle

What a fun day today has been.

Well, actually it started a bit ....uhhh....hurried ?!

Like, i shooed Ruby out the door as the bus was waiting for her with her flip flops on her feet and her socks in her hands and no backpack. I may or may not have been scolding her about "dilly dallying" as she walked down the driveway.

But i knew it would pick up.  I just had to get to 9:35.

Ya see, at 9:35, the East Bethel Community School was having its last assembly for the year and i had been invited--personally--by the teacher.  Because my girl was being awarded the "Eagle Pride" award.

They receive a teeshirt and an honor in front of the whole school for being respectful, kind, caring, and good. Its their way to recognize that good behavior. Only three kids get picked, a year, in the class. So as you can imagine, we are very proud.

Let me tell you,  Ruby was awarded this award in 1st grade as well. Its a surprise to the kids, until their name is called, they don't know who will be the "Soaring Eagle". And lets just say Ruby isn't one for surprises, okay? She never once cracked a smile and you would think she was receiving an award for the most under enthusiastic child at the school.

                                          (Ha--see what I mean? Shes got a poker face, this one.)

So when I was emailed about her nomination for the Eagle Pride shirt this year....i wasn't sure how she'd react. I was kind of nervous. Very excited. And overwhelmingly proud.

Jeromy wasn't able to go this year, due to work, but my Mom met me there--so we represented as best we could.

The teacher saved a seat for us, and Ruby saw us as we entered.  She's wasn't overly happy. I'll say that. But she did wave and acknowledge us. So, that was good.

I swear i started to sweat just walking into the gym. I don't know if it was excitement, nerves or what. But i DO love me a good assembly.  And EBCC is never one to disappoints!!

 They showed a slide show--with music and pictures, acknowledged the honor rolls, and talked about the year coming to a close.

I felt a bit verklempted....

Like, i had to think about something else or i felt like i was going to lose it.

I don't even know why.

I guess because i DO love that darn school. Its not perfect. But i don't care. There's just something about all those little bodies sitting together that feels so special that it tears at my heart strings.

When they finally got to the awards, i stood up and got my camera ready. Hoping not to see a bear on the other end of it this year.

I tried to smile and meet Ruby's eyes, i raised my eyebrows alot---thinking that would do the trick.  Like "Yea!! You did it, its gonna be fun. You're gonna be fine. And i love you."

I think she got the message...

"2nd grade" they called out. "Mrs. Lundbergs class", they said---"Ruby Boone", she read. ( Its the name i 've always known I'd hear over a loud speaker someday... "Annnnd Ruby Boone hits another homerun out of the park, leading the Lady Yankees to another World Series Championship!!!")

My girl got up. And she headed to the front.

 And my heart leapt with pride.

That's alot of people to stand in front of. Your peers. Yours teachers. Your friends.

She went right up there and accepted her teeshirt, with the other students.

And something inside me was hurting, deep -deep- inside i felt a sob rising up. My little girl was growing up. And i was so proud of her.  And so thankful that the school was honoring her and bringing so much joy to both hers, and my day.

Alright, so she wasn't all smiles. But she was happy. I knew that.

Next, they do a really cool thing. Its the thing that always makes me feel like bawling. Like breaking down like a little baby and crying tears of joy as i see my kid walk through the row of  teachers as they high five and congratulate the kids.  Its a beautiful thing to watch. Heartwrenchingly beautiful.  All this while playing Aretha Franklins "RESPECT" over the loud speakers.

We all clap to a beat as kids walk through the line. My dear friend--a teacher there--always give my girl special attention when she gets to her--and it just makes me feel like a weepy mess.

This is Ruby's "Ugh, Mo-oom" look.  Which just makes me want to kiss those widdle cheekers and love and squeeze her forever.  (Oh, she loves it. She tries to pretend that she doesn't.......but she does.)

Next the music teacher sits all the 5th graders down and then has the K-4th graders stand up and face them and they sing this ominous song about letting the wind always be at your back and all this beautiful and gut wrenching stuff.  I mean, i don't even KNOW any fifth graders and i felt overwhelmed at this beautiful sendoff.  Like i wanted to cry, wail, lament, and hold my fist to the sky and moan "Noooooo! They're not ready....one more year....Don't goooo!"

Again, i had to concentrate on baseball and dishes and lame things like that--so as not to lose my steely composure.

Why was it so touching?! Ugh.

Lastly, one of my favorite things. So much a favorite that i was all caught up in it and didn't take any pictures.  Honestly, sometimes I feel like a 1st grader, myself, as i watch with awe at what is going to happen next and clap with the others and laugh, and sigh, and get excited as the teachers begin to dance.

Like, really excited.

The teachers get some funny hats and things on and stand in two lines as the electric slide starts to plays over the speakers (you have my attention teachers)....and electric slid they did...Then the record screeches and on comes the macarena (oh, yea!)....and macarena they do....next a screech and on comes 'Cotton eyed Joe' (loooovin this)...and they dance, and one teacher flips....(which leaves me no choice but to "ohh and ahhh" as my clap picks up speed)....screetch.... (i was all what? What is going to be next? Ooooh, I just can't wait!!) and can ya even guess what came next?

No, you won't...

...YOU just WON'T!!....

The music rips into that famous beat that we all love so much, the teachers pump it up a notch as we hear the familiar beginning of Gongham style and i errupt into whooting and hollering and feel teary all at the same time. I clap to the beat and stand up!!! Whooo, whoooooo.....

How cool is that?

That song triggered me to look through the audience for Easton and Drew (a 2nd and kindergartner)--who ride Ruby and Laney's bus--who look out the window every morning and do the gongham style moves to me and well, i always do them back.  As the bus rolls away from our bus stop every morning i have my arms crossed over each other and my legs are a hoppin' as i'm all "Whoop 'em gongham style!" until the bus rolls out of view.

Which i enjoyed....until Ruby got wind of it....

Which then triggers my brain to look to Ruby--who after having  found out i do this with Easton and Drew-- basically threatened my life if i "ever do gongham style again!!"  (So i can't do it now...but its really hard not to. Sometimes i just quick cross my wrist and wink at the boys. Hoping Ruby doesn't see me ..)

But i digress....back to the teachers.

They are dancing and i am happy and its a touching moment.

My girl. My little first born. My angel who is homemade, by me, grown in my belly--is in 2nd grade and she has a little life outside of our house--outside of my wing.

Its beautiful, the things they learn in school. The life experiences they face. Some not always grand, but shaping her, none-the-less.

I'm torn because of my pull to homeschool. This school, even with its bumps and bruises, its kind of a special place.  A place that i always feel happy in. A place that i spend just about every day at. A place that has brought me joy.

Today was amazing.

A feeling of unity and acceptance, love and respect--as we all sit and clapped together-- is something i love.

 I truly love it.

Those kids are so special. Those teachers are so great. I guess i can't really put the words together to match the feelings that i had today.

But lest just say--it felt good. 

With so much bad. So much hurting. So much pain. So much sorrow. So much disaster. So much anger in the world.

It was truly beautiful to witness the pure joy of a school--together in unity--today in East Bethel.

What a day.

                                                  (look at her. Couldn't ya just eat her up)

(Its about RESPECT, check it out, check it out....)

(I love that face.....not mine, but definitely hers! :) (oops, just spelt that darn word wrong ...AGAIN!)

(Ruby loves her Grandma!)

                             (And the wonderful Mrs. Lundberg. I sure am going to miss that face next year.)

Thank you East Bethel Community School for the beautiful, beautiful day.