Winter.

And so it begins......

Winter.

In Minnesota.

Uffda....

Let me start by saying i am not one of those people. You know the ones, the ones that sit and complain about the cold weather, like all. the. time. The ones who use every opportunity to complain about the cold, the snow, the wind, the ice, the winter.

I've never been a fan of those people.

I feel we have a responsibility to be loyal to our State.  Equal to the one we should have for our family and our friends.

"Stop rippin' on her" i think. Yes, she's cold, we get that, we know that, and we accept her for who she is. But she's not all bad. She gives us 4 beautiful seasons, transforms the landscape into an artists dream every fall, gently soothes us to sleep in the spring with her gentle rains and warms us to perfection in the Summer.

I love her.

I love my Minnesota.

It where my roots are, so it's where i am.

But for the first time, in 33 years, last night when i let my dog out before bed, and i opened the screen door to feel the winds whipping up snow at my face, and heard the intense jingle of my wind chimes.....its like the cold actually settled inside me.

And it was an ugly feeling.

I closed the door quickly and tightened my robe, this could be a long one, this winter we must endure yet again.

And as i slid into bed and pulled the covers high up to my chin i started to think, nay, to panic about the impending doom we Minnesotans were about to embark upon.

And i tried, i did, i tried to be positive. I tried to be loyal. I tried to find the silver lining. But i couldn't.  All i could think of was why the heck did our ancestors stop here--it must have been Fall. It had to be Fall. Because only fall could intoxicate a person enough to make them stop and set up camp. Darn you beautiful Fall. Darn you.

So as i lay there, shuttering as the wind beat aggressively against my window, i started to think about the fact that our van is just cold blooded. She's a stubborn ol' girl who likes to run cold. (or at least that's what Jeromy and i like to say to make ourselves feel better as our teeth chatter when we are in it) That van just doesn't heat up. Like literally.

And ya know what else?

 I lost the filter to my wet vac and that really started to bug me!! If i could just get a new filter, then i think i would feel better about this winter. Right?

Which lead me to thing.....

Are the chicks okay? Are they too cold? Shoot. Another winter laying in bed wondering if they're gonna make it.

Yea, ya wanna hear more?

My entryway mat was soaked from all the boot travel yesterday!! And that stunk.

More you say?

My van got so stuck in the driveway yesterday!! And that caused me to flash back to last year when i got stuck and i seriously think i was going to have a nervous break down, cursing the snow and screaming as i froze and dug my way out!!

This is too soon. It just can't be that time of year again.

I'm a lady. I like to take things slow, Winter.

And this is much too fast. 



And how is it that the kids gloves, ALREADY, are like constantly soaked? I can't keep up with this.

And the bottom of my freshly washed socks?  Ohh, they're damp because i accidentally stepped on that entry way rug!!

And ain't  NO ONE LIKES DAMP SOCKS, girrrrl!!!

At least all the kids snow pants fit them exactly like Steve Urkel's pants fit him. So that's great.

Not yet, Winter, just give us a few more weeks.

Here i sit, after a weekend with my husband away hunting, and then a snow day, and now a 2 hour school delay. My kids are standing on that wet entry way mat, because they went outside, "just to test their pants" and ended up playing in the snow like crazy people (aka: kids) and now....THEIR MITTENS ARE SOAKED!!!!! So there i made them stand. For the next 10 minutes, till that every lovin' bus gets here. And the dryer is a hummin' as i attempt to speed dry those darn $1 knit mittens.

Winter,


Its not you.....


....its me.......



......actually, its you.  Its most definitely you.

I've tried. I have.

We all have.

As i drove to my Moms house yesterday morning, all my precious cargo in tow, i thought, "i am a straight up cuckoo bird." It seems whenever the weather gets real bad.....i get in the van. That cold blooded hog.

I stopped at Holiday to get a few donuts and as i opened the door to that unfamiliar (and yet so familiar) gust of snow/wind hit my face, all i could do was gasp for air and run inside.

Inside, i saw other Minnesotans, we gave each other the eye, the "i know, right?" look. It felt special.
Its that same moment that i feel so often, in  the winter,  in Minnesota. Pride.

I'm proud to be a Minnesotan. I am. We're tough as they come. Dumb, maybe. But super tough.  I mean, we're much likelier to get MS someday,  but we're tough. Have i mentioned we're tough? 'Cause that's all we have for the next 6 months. We're tough.  So ya better hang your hat on that one, 'cause its here to stay.

After my special love moment passed inside Holiday,  i got back into the car and though, Yep, we ARE in these trenches together people. We're a team. And i love you.

But as i drove a bit further i thought, Team?? These people are crazy, these people aren't my team, these people could very well become my MURDERED with only one turn of the wheel!

So i stopped thinking and just focused on the road. And then flicked off the next person to drive past me. Just to let em' know who's the boss out here.

 (just kidding, Mom)


Winter.

I'm not saying i wanna break up.



....I just need some space.

Look up and live.

Get ready, cause here i come.

Technology.

It's the cause of my rant today. It has been slowly burning down in the pit of my belly for weeks and weeks and today--I'm snapping.  And its highly likely that about 99% of the seven people who read this aren't going to agree cause they will probably be reading this on their tablets, or say it ain't so, while they are in the line at Chipotle! (insert mad woman scream here!)

I am like so totally over this electronic phase of life.

A long time ago, by brother told me that he didn't think the problem was the instant access but the slow separation that was going to come between the have's and the have not's.  I never really committed to that problem as my fury was at the total idiots that it was creating in our kids. Little self righteous, instant access, over informed, under educated, selfie taking, reading about peoples life but unable to live their own, smart phone dummie kids.

My step daughter constantly jokes about not needing her brain because its "not the most used network in America", or not needing to know which direction is North, "because my phone does", i laugh, as i beg her not to be just another smart phone dummie. She doesn't get it.

Because shes growing up in the era and its just "what everyone else it doing". It would be weird for her NOT to have a smart phone, i pod (x5) a kindle and a nook, right?

Seriously, i just have to take slow deep breaths at this point.......

I know the argument.

"But its whats happening, everything is online and if my kid doesn't know how to work something they will be behind." "What about college? They are going to need to know how to do this stuff."

Here's my argument.

I don't know how itunes, twitter, instagram,  facebook, vine, or youtube is going to help your kid.

I don't believe any of that crap. I literally hate this instant access.

We have GPS---so we don't have to actually know where we are going.

We don't memorize our friends numbers (or heaven forbid, our parents) because its programmed into the phone. Duh.

We can't spell cause autocorrect can.

We don't have photo albums at home, we have facebook online.

We don't wear watches, or write grocery lists, or go to the library, or bank, because we have a phone that can do that.

Eye contact? Forget about it.

Actual conversations? Gone.

Asking questions to Suri or Seri or whatever?  Totally.

Our brains are mush because, hey,  if we don't know it, we can just google it.

Does this bother NO ONE ELSE?!?

I don't care about the blogs to the "parent on the cell phone" or the opposing one defending the "parent on the cellphone.".

There are sides to everything and if we feel it, we can find it.

That shot of Obama, being the good for nothing that he is, walking off the plane and throwing out a weak (at best) salute to the military while he is holding a fancy drink. Yea--thats offensive.

Republicans and American lovers didn't like that. Not one bit.

But about one day later, my Liberal friend posted a photo, in defense of the Obama hate, of W holding a dog and showing a less than perfect salute as well.

Seriously?!

This is what we do?

This is our world now.

Between photoshop and about 1,890,098, 009 differing opinions, we don't even know what we can believe anymore.

Is that a fact, or an opinion?

I mean, its on the internet....so it has to be credible, right?

As for twitter, Instagram and every social media site out there--don't even get me STARTED on elementary school age kids having, first off, the tools to access that (pads, pods, notebooks etc.) but then tell me they have their own account?.......followers?!?

Its a wonder my head hasn't exploded yet.

A ten year old with a instagram account?

I just want to spank that parent. Seriously.

 But let me guess, all her friends had one. (read that in the most syrupy/whiney voice you can muster)

But we don't want to be the dork parent that that doesn't follow suit. That would be horrible.

So horrible we would have to take a photo of it, make a clever remark, tint the photo to make us look skinny, tag our 7 year old and post that baby as fast as possible.

hastag. no more phone. sad face.

Oy.

I am so over this stuff. Obviously.

Adults, do what you want. Clearly we can. And it can be fun. Just please don't be the one in front of me in the line at Chipotle that thinks it would be inhuman to NOT scroll all your facebook messages and texts and tweets while you stand there. Cause you just look dumb. Like i really think you are probably dumb. Like, i bet you can't even spell d-u-m-b dumb. Have i made my point? Dumb.

I don't know why it always happens there and why its always around me,(who am i kidding, its everywhere all the time!) but its a a miracle that i have even survived standing in that 78 hour long line while i see all these smart phone dummies just looking at their screens and MISSING actual LIFE!!!!!!

If i snap one day......its gonna be in the Chipotle line. Guaranteed.

Now lets talk about school.

(you didn't think i was done did you? Silly reader.)

I am getting sheet after sheet home in my kids backpack that is telling me about these apps that i can get for the kids school work. Work that has to be done. Apps. (kill me now)

Thankfully, at the bottom in teeny tiny print i found a sentence that read "And if you are lame and don't have anything for an app, then you can go to a website starting with www. and find your kids homework, ya ol stick in the mud."

Seriously, i'm pretty sure i wrote that verbatim.

So now, i feel the gap. The have's and the have not's.

Not only do i not have wifi at home, or any sort of tablet, but i think it would be beyond financially irresponsible (unlike the many coffees i get in a week) for us to pay out that much money so our kids can play mind numbing games, access porn, and read about the Slender man.

Ummm, no thank you.

I will walk my daughter down to the dungeon each night and sign her on the the plug-in-the-wall computer and access her IXl math. (which is a blast, I tell you and it feels nothing like a punishment.)
Because its all i can do.

I know you people (yea, i said "you people" and i mean it) are all proposing your responses and defenses and ready to tell me that i am hurting my kid by keeping them(and us) from this stuff. And how and why your kid is so advanced because of technology. I know.

I know you are confident in your decisions.

And i also know that i am so very hopeful that this computer age comes to an end and people start raking leaves together as a family again.

We are what we claim to disagree with. Oh those kids that can't go without their screens. They have no time management skills.  So entitled. They get whatever they want. Instant access.

I mean, I only have one dork computer and i like facebook as much as the next guy. I get it. But shouldn't we fight it a little harder. Keep our kids from this black hole that is technology?

This isn't only a a kid problem, its a a grown up one.

This is true.

So why won't anyone just put their foot down?

And say no.

No, no. no. Absolutely not. I love you too much to only see the here and now. I care about your future and want the best for you, and following the crowd, drinking the coolaid and walking blindly isn't what is best. We have to protect those little minds and all the information we allow in there. Not every "follower" is worth having. There is a time and a place for technology, yes. But its not every second, of every minute, of every day, always.

Amen.

Doctors...pfft.

I'm just gonna be straight up honest in this post, so who knows where that will lead me or who(...to whom?....to who?......whom?....whatever.... ) i may offend.

These past few weeks of all three kids being in school haven't been the cake walk i had secretly anticipated.

In fact, i would say its been really, really hard.

I don't know my place yet. I'm not sure of my new tasks. And for petes sake, I'm still just me after all. Disorganized, scatterbrained, kind of lazy, food loving, tv watching, Christina.

Which i think is about 3/4 of the problem. I didn't suddenly transform into the neat freak, obsessed, type A mom that i thought i would when they stepped onto that bus.

Hmmmph.

You know what i do?

I clean a bit, cook a bit, wash laundry a bit, drink coffee a bit, and visit with my friends a.....well, a lot actually.

So i feel like this time that i had anticipated to be so long and relaxing has actually kept me feeling rushed and a bit stressed.

So stressed in fact, that i went to the doctor the other day.

Let me just give you a little insight about how often we go to the doctor around here. For the past year i thought we had health partners........but it turns out, we don't. Well, who knew!

I went to the doctor because i was a bit concerned about this pain in my left calf, i was a tiny bit worried about my ear that is swelling and just wanting blood work to make sure i'm not dying of anything.

Is that so much to ask?

Well, this doctor, who i didn't know, started asking me stuff and i answered--in true Christina fashion--quickly and not wanting to waste his time.

As I'm talking i happen to feel my mocha suddenly kick in, but no bigs, i express my concern slash confusion with why i am actually here.

To which the doctor responds, "I noticed your speech is a bit fast."

(blink.....blink. Are you kidding me!?)

"Yep." I respond. "Just trying not to waste your time."

To which he says, "How'd ya do in school?"

(blink.....blink....insert increased blood pressure now.)

"Fine, i did fine. Fine. And i know what you're getting at here, jerk. ADD? Seriously? Come on. I can read books, i enjoy my quiet time. I focus and process like a champ. Okay? Lets not do this."

To which he says "Its just that if  your speech is that fast, i can only imagine how fast your brain is working, and I'd imagine that its not very easy to slow it down sometimes. Right?

"Mmmhmm. Sure." i say.

And then i add, "Just an FYI, I feel like you are speaking especially slow, on purpose....just to prove your point."

And with that, we tensely smile at each other.

He just continued right along. "Are you having good conversations with your husband?" He asks. (serious, i might add)

At this point i literally laughed out loud and asked him, (with lightning speed) " Are you having good conversations with your wife?"

Touche Christina (......i said to no one.)

Then about 5 minutes later after having to honestly tell him my high school grades (!) and prove i wasn't a nut, he told me that sometimes "home moms"(yep, that's what he called me) spend alot of time thinking about how they are feeling when the kids go off to school and they really just need to find something constructive to do with their time.

(blink.....blink....)

I'll tell you what I'm going to do thats constructive, buddy--I'm going to construct an involved plan about how i can take you out in the parking lot after work. Oh yea, that's right, how you like that? And I'll do it all with my lightening fast brain and swollen ear. OKAY?

Guh.

So that was last week.

And now i don't even know if i am actually feeling things or if its my "home mom" problem.

Gross.

Even though i laughed about it. I have been thinking about it....

I guess it boils down to responsibility and discipline. And i am just having a heck of a time with that.

The pressure i feel to have the house clean and dinner ready, cause I'm home alone, seems to be overwhelming.

I feel like i am going to crack, like at any second.

I hate dishes. I hate laundry. I don't need to be busy. I don't want to reorganize my drawers or linen closet. Socialization is way more important to me that that junk and its so lonely at home...in the laundry room.

 And yet....that's my job.

When i look back, i feel like i may have been a little bit crazy when i had Junior. Like, angry and spinning crazy.

It was the sleep i tell you. No one ever sleeps!

And yet now, i feel like i am kind of going down that road again.

Me trying to keep up with three kids homework?  Fuhgedaboudit  Its madness. Who's spelling needs to be done when? Did your do your IXL math? "A" says "ahhh". Read for 20 minutes. Wheres that sheet i signed? Do you have lunch money? Snacks? Oh you're the star of the week this week? What was your mothers mothers mom? What is 33 divided by 3? If a train leaves the station at 4 o'clock and its heading North........

Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! This is more than i can do here.

Each night i find myself wondering where is my place in life? What should i do? Is any of it valuable? Am i gonna snap and really go after that doctor?  Maybe.

All i know it i got on the treadmill and walked for 29 minutes today to help my brain.

I don't know if it worked....but i'm gonna keep trying.

You know how people often say non Christians have a "Jesus shaped hole in their heart?"

Well, I feel like i have a "Christina shaped hole" in mine . And i can't figure out how the heck I'm supposed to fill it.

Who am i?

...and why the heck is my left ear swollen, darnit!