Sunday, March 4, 2012

I love him.


Lately i have been thinking about something, but i am going to have to tell about 5 other stories to get to my point. 

As most of you know, i think my Dad hung the moon.  Literally.  He is wonderful and i have always known, if there was a problem, that my Dad could fix it.  Anything.  In fact in the early years of my marriage, Jeromy used to say the word "Ma'Dad" when ever I talked because he said that i said it so much and so fast that it sounded like one word to him. "Ma'Dad can do it.  Ma'Dad can help. Just call Ma'Dad."  Hahaa, i know we aren't supposed to compare, as wives, our husbands to our fathers. But ya know what, I don't think its bad. What a great man to be measured against?  And i figure Jeromy didn't have a Dad why not let my Dad-I mean, Ma'Dad- teach him too?

Jeromy never said any of it with ill feelings towards my Dad.  He knew my Dad was a fantastic and respectable and strong and honest man. Jeromy respects him as much as i do.  I think Jeromy just wanted me to give him a chance.  But come on...just let Ma'Dad do it! =)

Well as the years went on, i noticed that my husband is pretty amazing too.  It was a slow transition but i could feel it happening.

Jeromy and i have always had an honest and loud relationship.  We joke with/at each other (never with bad motives, we just laugh at ourselves alot).  We argue.  We disagree.  We had a lot of pressure on us when we first got married and alot of obstacles to overcome.  So the beginning was hard. And I mean hard.  And honestly, some times i just wanted (or want) to punch him in the nose. 

I can recall a few years ago, a growth group we were in.  One of my (older) girlfriends had said to me that when she married her husband she was in love with him. (obviously)  But she never imagined that the longer they had been together the more she would love him.  I remember thinking "Yeah right!!"  I didn't understand that.  Not that i didn't love Jeromy(obviously) but that i just didn't get that.  Maybe they just had a better relationship? I didn't know.  But i do know that i have always thought about that conversation.

Well slowly but surly my husband has been quietly sneaking up from behind and quietly and calmly catching up to my Dad.  There were so many times when my hubby would be with my Dad and i would see him do something to help my Dad.  If my Dad couldn't do it (or was tired or worn out) my man started doing it for him.

Ya see, that's Jeromy.  When push comes to shove, his reaction is always kindness. He isn't quick to get hot under the collar.(But he can when he needs to)  He helps strangers. He helps our friends, new and old.  And he always helps out my family. Always.  That's just him.  And he doesn't do things like me. He doesn't do it for the social aspect. He works hard and fast and doesn't quit until the job is done. (which can be real annoying when we work on a project together and i want to break for lunch and chat and he can't even answer me because he is so deep into a project. Drives me bonkers!)

If there is any way to get in good with me, it by being kind to my family. And Jeromy does it. Not for any reason other than that is who he is.  Nice. The funny thing is, i see him doing things for "my " family because he thinks of and loves them like they are "his" family.  And they are.  He doesn't have much to claim from his side. So he holds closely to mine.

A while back Jeromy and i went through this weird phase where i felt scared (remember the hell blog?) and he kind of did too. But just for a moment.

I can't even tell you the stories that have happened or the conversations that have taken place for me to realize this.  But my husband is strong.  And not just like "man " strong.  He is...well, he's strong, strong.

My sister in law and i have nicknamed Jeromy, "The bulldog".  Ya see, Jeromy is so amazing in so many ways, and he is so wonderful, but all we have to do it unhook that leash, like a bull dog, and he's a big ball of crazy!  And we love it.  We know if we ever need it, deep down inside him, its there.  Our fierce and protective bulldog.  Now, i say this with Love. Lisa will understand.(my sister in law). She "gets" it.

A good friend on mine and i were talking about that Cruise ship that crashed/tipped in Italy last month.  We were talking about how terrible it would have been to be separated or in the bottom of the boat. And the size of that thing...can you imagine having to jump from the top down to the water?  Never.  She was imagining how terrible it would be to have had to separate from her husband. When the children and woman got to get into the lifeboats with out them.  She said how scary that would be. And ya know what I thought? Scary? Never. Jeromy would find us. He would get out. And he would save the day. And that's the truth. He would.

Jeromy isn't just strong with muscles. Hes' not just brave. He's not just perseverance. He is all that wrapped up in one with a pain tolerance that goes through the roof.  He is kind of like a super hero.  My super hero.

Now i realize this sounds sappy. But its true. I only speak the truth. And i also love him. Each day, the longer i know him, the more i love him.

So now, when Ma'Dad needs help...i tell him to ask Ma'husband!

Funny how that happens, isn't it?

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Be joyful, for Pete's sake!


Since i feel like life is all sunshine and daisys right now, i though i would put it in writing.  Because who knows when it will all change?

Today is good.  I feel joyful. I love my kids. I love the weather. I love the change of the season. I love the thought of new life just around the corner. (not for me...the earth) I am anticipating the cool crisp air of Spring.  The first sign of growth peeking out from beneath the cold earth (and then quickly being eaten by my chickens, i imagine)

It could just be the day. It could be my hormones (lets be honest) or it could be that i just read the letter from the editor and chief in Midwest living and that always cheers me up.

Spring is almost here. 

Forget the decisions that are looming over my head. Forget all the what if's.  Today is beautiful. God is great. And we are healthy.  That is reason to celebrate.

I believe that Minnesotans are especially appreciative of Spring. A time of possibilities.  The sun seems to shine brighter here. (on the rare occasion that it decides to show its face)

Today i want to forget my troubles. I want to embrace the now. 

Now:

1.) Ruby is safe at school. She is not on drugs and she does not hang with a bad crowd.

2.) Laney is not in Kindergarten. She is home with me. I am going to enjoy it.

3.) We might not have the best dinner possibilities, but we have choices. We can eat.

Today i want to choose joy. Because we can do that, ya know. We can choose. So many of us like to let life happen to us, but i truly believe that we can put a spin on it. Even the negative can be viewed through joyful, thankful and positive eyes.

So choose joy today.  It really is better.

(now, check with me tomorrow....i may have changed my tune)

Sunday, February 19, 2012

decisions.

This is tough.  I am having a super hard time this week.  For one reason in particular (and a whole bunch of other stuff)

If anyone knows me, they know that i am okay with being micromanaged and i have a very hard time making decisions...especially hard ones. Especially big ones. Especially ones that effect my kids world.

Well, here i sit anticipating Laneys journey into Kindergarten.  I was sick a few days ago and a friend of mine called. She was excited because she had planned on putting her daughter into the all day every day kindergarten in our district, but was concerned about the expensive cost to do so.  I was just anticipating, with bated breath, the half days that i was going to have to be away from my Laney.  Well, she called me with excitement to tell me that there had been a change in the district and that now the kids were all going to be going to all day, every day kindergarten.  I am so happy for her, that she doesn't have to pay now and that it will work so much better with her schedule.  I know her daughter will  do great and thats awesome! 

Buuut.  Now i can't breath.  The thought of my tiny, little baby girl, Laney being away from me all day is killing me. And i mean killing me.  It is all consuming and i am afraid of it.  The thought of two kids being gone from me for 8 hours, hurts.  I physically hurt about this. Hurt.

Its just too soon. They are just too small. I want to freeze time. Or better yet, run. Run far, far away.

Then a few days later i got an email from PACT Charter school letting me know that Laney's name was drawn in the lottery and that she was accepted, if we agreed. The moment i got that email i felt sick.  What? PACT Charter school. Now?  Already?  I don't know what to do.  I know that i want them there. I know that it is good. I know that when i filled out the application two years ago that i was unsure but that i prayed that God would guide us through this and that if we got drawn that it would be meant to be.  But now i have to decide. 

Because ya see, i have come to realize that i have a difficult time deciphering what is Gods timing and what is my decision.  I have concluded that unless he comes to me through a burning bush and yells at me...well, then i'm just not sure what to do.  And its not that i just don't know what to do.  Its that i spend 24 hours in that day weighing the decision and praying and pleading and thinking and hurting and wondering WHAT TO DO?  Please, just tell me what to do!

So that leaves Ruby.  My precious angel who has slipped through the cracks. I feel like she has gotten the short end of the stick ever since she entered school and now if she gets in to PACT i have to make the decision to pull her from her friends and her comfort zone to move to a whole other school. I know kids are resilient. I have heard it a thousand times. But i still don't want to have to make my child have to be.

I want a guarantee that this is the right choice. I want God's stamp of approval.  I know i don't care what i have to go through, but i can't stand the thought of my kids being unhappy or hurt. And ultimately by my decision.

So today i wake up, and i hurt. My head hurts. My body hurts. My heart hurts. 

How will i know?  What should i do?