cock-a-doodle-what?

Just when i think the tides-a-changin i find myself knee deep in another sleepless night!  As most of my friends know, i am a rocker. Not just to music (the cool way) but also with my babies.  I am an advocate of it and love snuggling so much.  I mean, i better,  i have been doing it for SIX YEARS NOW!  :)

When Ruby was a baby i would rock her to the smooth sounds of Neil Diamond's Essentials while i stood. Then it was Laney's turn with a rocker and Juniors turn (when i got smart) with a recliner. (Remember Jeromy's offer to help if we "just got a better chair?" )  So after 6 years of rocking someone, i thought i was done with the middle of the night rocks.  It has been about a month or so since someone has woken up in the middle of the night screaming my name, fighting, coughing, or crying and i was kind of loving it. Sleep, this beautiful thing that i have never known.

But last night, as Jeromy headed off to church i rocked my sweet angel, Junior, to sleep as he coughed a little. I knew what was in store for me last night. I felt it . Call it rockers instincts :)  About a half hour after i got him to bed and the girls were settled in their bed. Laney was sawing logs and Ruby (who has proclaimed herself "not a sleeper")  was laying in bed, but only waiting for a reason to come out.  Junior started coughing and coughing and coughing....i knew it was only time before he called out for me.  Ugh, and Law and order was just about to start!  Wouldn't ya know, at about 8:30 he was coughing so hard that it turned into gagging (typical dramatic boy) and then crying out for him Momma.  I went in there and hoped to rock him back to sleep with ease...hoped.  He was coughing so hard that it wasn't working. Just as i though he might finally slip back into sleep filled bliss...i hear this huge scratching sound!! June startled and i saw the shadow of those two dumb cats in his room(they snuck in behind me)...trying to get into a closed box!! Ugh. Those cats will be the death of me.  Junior started to cry/cough and i got up to see if i could give him a little something to make him feel better and brought him into the kitchen.  Well, even with the lights off he started to get a second wind. Suddenly that little cat nap was just enough to take the edge off and we could get this party started...(his thought, NOT mine)   Seeing he was in play mode, i sat in front of the TV and thought i will wait for Jeromy to get home and he can rock him and it will be great.  I asked J why he was awake? (With the quiet Momma voice) and he looked at me and said "Because you waked my up!  You carried me out here..."  Looking at me like i was the dummy who had forgotten.  Right, i woke you up.

                                    

Well Jeromy got home and we sat for a bit together and junior gave me the "its okay to watch big kid shows" speach so i put on some old Jimmy Fallon DVR. (hey if i was going to do this, at least i would do it with Jimmy by my side:)  Finally about 10 o'clock Jeromy rocked him to sleep and came back out to the living room, grabbed a blanket and layed down on the couch and fell right asleep.  I've gotta say, sometimes when my husband slips off into wonderland as i anxiously anticipate the length of night i am going to have, i kind of want to take a pillow and knock him over the head with it and say "could you just be as concerned about this cough as i am!!??"  But alas, i hear my Mothers voice in my head telling me that "he works so hard and he has to get up early every morning and go to work." (read that with dripping sympathy in your voice) 

Sooo, i double check all the windows, turn the lights down and watch SVU and try to enjoy as much "alone" time as possible. 

1:20 AM...Laney is next to me in bed. Coughing like a crazy person about 1 millimeter from my face.  After about 2minutes of that i lug my butt out of my disgusting marshmallow like bed and slide down to the end (cause i am next to the wall, and i can't wake the sleeping King)  I uncoordinatedly grab Laney and bring her back to her bed, where she tells me she has to go potty. So i bring her the the bathroom by the light of the moon and wait, then i pick her up and carry her back to her bed, where she tells me she needs her sippy cup of water that she dropped (and emptied). Okay.  So i am on the floor on my hands and knees looking all over as silently as possible in hopes not to wake her any further or i knew she would be up all night.  I eventually had to turn on the stinkin bathroom light and still can't find it!! I tip toe into the kitchen and fill another cup for her and deliver it and sneak back to my room.
 
If you know anything about my house, its that no one wakes up just once. About 20 minutes later Laney wakes up howling for me and that startles Jeromy (i know, crazy) and he's all confused (see, he's never been up in the middle of the night) and he says in a daze "who is it? what is it?"  Ugh. Immediately i am annoyed and say "its LANEY! She had a bad dream."  See, after 4 years of interpreting her cries, i know this is the bad dream one.  Jeromy goes in there and talks to her and comes back to bed.  That was fast, i think. I always get roped in to snuggling and prying them off me and then eventually getting mad while they cry and get their way.  So, this is good. She's going to sleep.  Well, about 10 minutes later the girls are fighting...FIGHTING, in the middle of the night because Laney is trying to snuggle up to Ruby and she is NOT having it, which then leads to a little yelling between them and Laney breaking into hysterics.  That's about the time my brain slips into the red zone and i start hearing the crazy sound for the movie Kill Bill. (if you don't know what it is, watch the movie...because i hear it alot)  Wweeeee, wuuuuu, weeeeee, wuuuuuu...

I scoot my big ol' butt down the bed (don't want to wake the King after all he did got up once and he is going to need a serious nap today to recooperate) Right about now, i forget its  2 o'clock in the morning and i quietly/aggressively whisper to Laney that she is fine and that Ruby needs to protect her because Uncle Sam used to take care of me when i was little and darn it, that's what family does!!!! (the volume increased with every word i spoke) For the next hour this seriously happened about 4 times.  They argue, big Momma goes in there and lays down the lay! ( and not the sweet i love you. let me rock you to sleep kind)

I stomp back to my room feeling like an angry crazy Momma.  I am so ticked that i can't sleep...and just when i finally fall into blissful slumber...Laney screams (the bad dream kind) and i get stomp in there just about trip on those darn cats, because they walk about an inch from my foot every step i take and that meowing...meowing...always meowing...(you or me cats, you or me)  When i fnially get to the bed, I just climb into it and grab Laney, snuggle her up and hope for just a moment of sleep, please.  I am laying like, sideways across the bed because one of those cats are at the foot of the bed and i don't want to disturb it (i KNOW, i don't know why either) so my feet are on Ruby's side and my face is an inch from Laney and i am so hot that i want to scream. But not just hot, its like the cover didn't even cover me all the way up, so my behind is sticking out (i know, shocker) and that is cold and my feet are under about 27 gazillion blankets  and they are on fire and i want to scream...

Ruby suddenly wakes up and thinks this is like, our special talk time and i can tell she is trying to be sweet and she keeps scooting to get her feet to touch mine and Laney is hacking her germs into my mouth and the cats and the blankets and the heat and the cold and the sleeping hubby and the.........i felt crazy.  I think ya get the drift.  The last time i remember seeing the clock was 4:55AM

I feel myself drift off. The temperature is comfortable. The kids are quiet. The cat is...who cares. And i am happy. About to sleep, and happy.  But whats that quiet noise that i hear in the back of my head?  It started like a muffle and keeps getting louder and louder?  COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOOOOOOOOOO, COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOOOOOO...

In my sleepy stuper i start to panic (in an unmoving way) i am confused and suprised that they can hear the rooster this loudly. Why is the room so loud with rooster...why? How can they hear him this loud? COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOOOOOO...COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOOOOOO...

When i finally find my bearings i realize that i am not even in the girls room at all, i am in my room, Jeromy has left for work and my window is open and Buzz is crowing right out side it...What the what?  What is this life i live? 

Its like i had three kids and though this is too easy, i am going to rock them individually, allow my husband to sleep at will, get a ton of chickens, get two annoying cats and own a dog...heck, lets just throw in a rooster for good measure.

Oy. That was my night.  It never gets old.  I even let the kids sleep in until 9:30 today.  Ruby was tardy to school, i was late for a play date but how could i wake these sleeping angels when they had so little sleep?  They will never kick this cold if they can't rest peacefully, right?  As i think about it, i wonder sometimes, who is running this ship? WHO. IS. RUNNING. THIS. SHIP?

I think it may just be the rooster...

One of those days

Oh my goodness, do you ever just have one of those weeks?  I swear that this week has been full of failures (mine) and frustrations (also mine).  Nothing makes me more annoyed than messing things up. Times, dates, places, information, anything!...and yet i find myself doing it all the time.

It started beautifully with the first day of school for my pretty Ruby girl.  She did great and we made it through perfectly.  I am a little anxious about when she is going to have a melt down, but not going to plan for it.

That night i was so anxious for Laney's preschool open house at Oak Haven.  Jeromy cut it close (like always) with work, but we got dinner and raced out of the house to make it to school. Laney was so excited and had waited ALL day to get into her new shirt for school. Literally ALL day she asked me when Dad was coming home so she could change...

As we pulled up to Oak Haven that night, i said "Geez, (laughing nervously) I sure hope its tonight!"  And wouldn't you know it, we got to the church and the sign said Open house September 7th.  "Its the seventh, riiiight Jeromy?"  Ummm, nope it was the 6th!  I immediately remembered back two years ago when Ruby attended her open house for preschool at Oak Haven.I  was so excited that i invited my Mom and everything.  We pulled into the church parking lot only to find that the open house was the next day!! Ugh. To some this is just a funny coincidence, but not to me.  I just felt like such a loser parent.  I thought, great another year of getting things screwed up...(wha, wha, whaaaaa)  I should really be used to it by now don't ya think? Yeeesh.

That week ended with out any more real problems and we were on to this week.  Laney's official 1st day of Preschool and Juniors 3 rd birthday.  I was so excited. We couldn't go wrong.  Jeromy was at work but was able to get away to meet us at the school. He headed there a little earlier than i was going to go, but since he was enroute so iwas I.  We left the house at 11:10 for our class that started at noon and was about 10 minutes away.  Leaving tons of room for pictures and time with Dad.  We met him there and were excitedly taking pictures and talking.  I ran into Ruby's friends Mom on the way out with her kids that were now in preschool again.  We chatted and she said she wanted to talk to the teacher to have her girls moved to the afternoon class with Laney since I had told her it was the "kindergarten preperation" class.  (Hey, that is what it said on the application and why i choose this dumb time of noon to three)  Well after talking with the teacher she came back to me and said its the exact same curriculum and same teacher so there is no difference and wasn't going to change classes.  Hmmmm, well then i was going to talk to the teacher and see if i could switch Laney to the morning one.  As i talked to her (feeling like a fumbling and irresponsible fool) she said that would be no problem and an easy switch. Yes. 

She asked me if i wanted her to attend the afternoon class the first day just so she didn't miss it.  Yepper. I did. But then i got to thinking that its so nerve racking to go to school alone for the first time and i was essentially making her have two painful first days.  Great parenting.  Like usual.  Then as we stood there the teacher was cleaning up a bit and said if we would just wait about 10  more minutes then Laney could come into the class. Well, ya of course, class didn't start for fifteen minutes.  As we all sat there talking on the steps i look at Jeromy and say "it does start at noon, riiiight?"  I totally casually and cooley walked to the information board to scan a few things and found out that class actually started at 12:30...12 stinking thirty.  I had 40 minutes to kill and Jeromy had to get back to work.  Insert dejected face and slumped shoulders.  Come on, seriously? How do I mess these things up? This is really hard stuff, this school. 

Well, like perfect Boones, i say to Laney, "Wanna go get a DQ cone?"  (it always works)  She said ya and we killed about 10 minutes there.  Returned to school waited forever for class to start and sent her on her way.  By the way, even though Ruby is in first grade now and has gone through all of this and made it out alive...i feel like sending your baby into the classroom to sit on the little alphabet mat is like total torture. I do not like it one bit.  She was nervous and i was too...but she did great.

Cut to that night as i rocked Junior to bed and asked him if he had a great birthday and he replies "i didn't have a birthday, i didn't get any cake!"  Oh my goodness. We had a long day (not to mention our first 4H meeting) and i tried to make it special, but we have zero extra money and i am having a little party on Thursday so we gave him his one present and had a great day.  But no cake...no cake. I forgot cake since i was so busy with this school stuff. What a great mom. I felt terrible but he didn't think more about it after he matter of factly broke my heart in two...

Today i brought Laney to the dentist after finding out she had a cavity last visit. (six months ago)   I hesitated to bring her in because she is my baby girl and i just didn't want to have her under laughing gas, or whatever.  No way. What if something happened or there was complications?  Not my girl.  Not gonna do it.  Flash forward to now and the tooth is obviously decaying and i had to face the music.  The doctor got in there and Laney wasn't havin that gas. She started to cry and freak out and i started to firmly tell she had to do this. After some coaxing he managed to do about 5 minutes of work and tell me that the tooth had gotten so bad that it broke and was cutting her little tongue and needed to be put to sleep (Novocaine, which we were trying to avoid in the first place) and possible something else for a nerve thing.  Seriously???  If i had only taken her in right away and got it filled this wouldn't be happening.  But, wouldn't ya know...i didn't.

Ugh, after feeling like a loser in the office i left to make my next appointment and talked to the receptionists and explained that i had lost my cash card and used my last check (like a responsible parent) and that i could pay for it next time. They didn't seem to mind.  Fhewwww.  But one crabby lady who apparently didn't like me and remembered me felt the need to point out (as i was lamenting about this new tooth issue and my worry and fear) that "Didn't i have another daughter with alot of cavities to be filled too??"

Blink....blink....(envisioning giving that lady the hardest upper cut of her life)...blink...swallow...blink.

"Why yes. that was me. " (smile)

Ugh. I just had hit my bottom for the day at around 9:45 am. I called Jeromy and unloaded all my troubles and worries and fears and anger...and then told him i didn't want to talk about it. (he didn't really know what to say anyway)  It didn't matter, i was ready to blow and shouldn't be talking to him or he was going to be the one getting it.  And boy did i want to unload heavy...

That's is. No moral to his story or happy ending.  Just a big ol complaining blog.  That's my day. And now i have to go wash pee sheets and get dinner ready...

...blink....blink....sigh....blink....

Tomorrows a new day.

September 11th, 2001

When i remember back to September 11 th, 2001 alot of things come to my mind in crystal clear clarity.  I remember, like everyone else, exactly where i was when i heard the news.  I was exiting onto hwy 36 off of Rice street on my way to NWC to take a Spanish exam.  As i turned on the radio, they were talking about the tower that had gotten hit by a plane and as they were talking i heard them exclaim in disbelief as they watched a second plane hit the World Trade Tower. I remember feeling shock and then nothing.  It felt so unreal to be hearing this news and trying to weigh the gravity of it all. What just happened? I specifically remember still having to take that stupid Spanish test and our fire alarm was going off at school for some odd reason and we just kept on like nothing was happening in the world!  I remember being so annoyed and confused that we were not even talking about this humongous thing that was happening, we were just silently taking our test like little lab rats!!  I raced back to my apartment and turned on the news and called my Mom.  Her first comment was that she either had or someone had talked to my cousin Ryan in NY and that he was safe. I couldn't believe what was happening...couldn't believe it...

I was glued to the news for the next couple of days, like everyone else. I fell in complete love with Rudy Giuliani, like everyone else. And i was in shock....like everyone else. 

A handful of specific memories flood my brain as i think back.  First, i remember that they completely shut down any air transportation.  There was NO ONE in the sky.  And though we barely pay attention to planes  overhead normally,  i suddenly felt the overwhelmingly loud silence in the skies now.  I remember so very specifically the first time i saw a plane fly over my head again.  I was outside on a stoop at a friends house when i heard it.  4 planes flew overhead in perfect unison, stirring a feeling in my heart that i couldn't even describe.  They were so close. They were so loud.  And they were so beautiful.  It felt like they were flying in slow motion. My heart was literally pounding. It was amazingly surreal to watch them.  My extreme imagination was sure it was someone very important like President George W. Bush himself flying above me that night in Blaine ...

Those feelings are ones we should never have had to feel.  The silence of war preparation. The unbelievable anticipation. It was all we could take as we processed it all and clung to what was next.

I remember thinking that in a heart beat i would sign up to serve our country. I would have left in a second.  I felt overwhelmed with patriotism. Overwhelmed.  Like everyone.

The memory that sticks out the clearest to me is driving down Highway 10 in my black Dodge Intreped with my flag, tattered and torn flapping in the breeze, on my antenna. I was merging into the right lane to prepare to exit onto HWY 65 N.   There was a truck that was just ahead of me and it immediately caught my eye because it had a huge flag which they had rigged perfectly to stand erect in the bed of its truck and it was blowing beautifully in the wind.  As i got closer to him i felt connected to him.  We were in this together and we felt it, together. We were Americans and we were one.  (I know it sounds silly, but i can still remember that moment) As i got up next to him he looked over at me and i looked at him and there was a silent exchange between us. And then a slow nod of our heads that spoke more than we could ever say. It still gives me chills to this day.  Time stood still alot that September.  And for a moment it didn't matter if we were Democrat or Republican left or right. We were Americans. We would bleed red, white and blue had we been cut.

I remember feeling overwhelming pride when i would listen to Bush speak.  I clung to his every word and felt safer just hearing him.  Like a Father figure to the Americans, Bush was in charge. And I liked that.

I think (i know) life changed for every American that day.  We all remember it.  Even though the dramatics of our patriotism has lessened in the public eye, it changed so much for me.  I can hardly get through the National Anthem anymore with out being overwhelmed with pride, i can barely even listen to Lee Greenwood, and i feel consumed with gratitude and a quiet admiration when i see anyone in uniform, its feels like "thank you" just doesn't express the enormity of gratitude and pride that i have for them.

We lived through a monumental time in the history of the United States and i am looking back on those memories with pride and pain today.  We have pledged our allegiance to the flag of the United States of America all of our life and i am really proud of that.

Oh, and you bet your butt I'm gonna be hooting and hollering when Lee Greenwood says "From the lakes of Minnesota..." Every time i hear it for the rest of my life!! :)  Go Red, white and blue!