Yesterday as I was mowing the lawn i was thinking about someone close to us who is choosing to get divorced. I felt like i had so such that i wanted to say to them and so many thoughts on divorce and then today Jeromy called and told me that someone at his work was choosing divorce too. Jeromy had been talking and talking and encouraging his friend to push harder and attempt to save the marriage but alas, he had no choice because his wife wanted out.
I am so frustrated by the lack of commitment our generation has. If the going gets tough, we just leave and find something better. Or temporarily better. My thought is this, and it may sound harsh, there is almost NO reason good enough to get divorced. Selfishness is what it is. Its about what I want and what I'm not getting. Please don't misunderstand me, i am certainly not judging anyone, I mean, hello, i am married to a divorced man. But because of that, i have seen first hand the difficulties, the pain and the struggles that go with it. So i actually feel like i have the right to talk about it.
I tell Jeromy the same thing that i want to tell these people. It was selfish. Could they have made it? I don't know, but they both seem to be functioning fine with their new spouses...No matter how happy they are now, the damage was done and the kids are paying the price for it.
I wish people would push harder. Instead of what they aren't getting, how about what their kids won't have because of it...parents who love one another and provide a safe and secure environment for them. Sure you may just meet someone much better for you and you may even be happier, but the one who always hurts is the child. The poor innocent baby. That step-parent can be so amazing and wonderful and loving, but they will always be the step parent and i think that no matter how much a child loves a step parent, they would want their parents to be together even more. Its just God given for us to want that.
Believe me Jeromy and i have struggled with the repercussions of his divorce. There are just sticky situations that happen when you are dealing with two different families. So what i want to shout from the roof top when people tell me "they've just grown apart, or fallen out of love" is you're just trading one set of problems for another! Sure, you don't have that "terrible" wife to deal with anymore, but now you have to split your time with your kids and worry about the step parent and dealing with the extended family and their opinions and trying to get used to the new and over the old. Its weird and confusing and not meant to be. And don't even get me started on it being a "civil divorce". If you can get along that wonderfully through a divorce (and believe me, no one does) then you certainly should have been able to get along in your MARRIAGE!!
I feel like we can all safely say there has been times we have felt like walking out the door and never coming home, right? Life sometimes feels like it won't get better, or you are so mad at your spouse that you think those feelings will never change. But you press on. You work on yourself and your insecurities or your shortcomings and pray about the rest. God can work on their problems, but we have to take responsibility for your own. And you know what, as soon as that happens we find ourselves looking at our partner with rose colored glasses again. Like they can do no wrong. I trust that God honors obedience and when we are faithful to the ones that we love and we persevere, God honors that. He gives us overwhelming love in our hearts. Life isn't about what makes me happy. Its about how can I make someone else happy? What can I do for others?
Of course I know there are a few circumstances where divorce is the only option. My parents faced those dilemmas. My Dads wife had an affair and my Moms husband was abusive. Those are reasons to leave or choices that are made for you. But God honored their obedience to Him by bringing them together to find one another. Sometimes choices happen that are out of our control, but I believe that if we take responsibility for out OWN actions and always choose to be faithful and obedient that God will catch us every times that we fall.
No, divorce isn't the unforgivable sin, but it just makes me sad. I just want to warn people. Things do get better. I know it. Times aren't always easy for any of us, but that's when we have to get on our knees and pray harder and trust God. It is never Gods plan to have a family break up. That is our selfish and sinful nature.
I am going to continue to pray that my friends persevere and realize that what they once fell in love with in their spouse is still there...
Hey, I think the Beatles got it right.." All you need is love. All you need is love. All you need is love, love. Love is all you need..." (And complete faith and hope in Christ, i think they forgot that part ; )
Have a great day friends and think about something super special about your spouse and give them a great big long kiss tonight when they get home...that always works ;)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Just passing through
Here's what i've been thinking about these days. We live in an Oprah Winfrey kind of world where we are taught to believe that if we take care of ourselves first that life will be great...because we are happy. And i can't stand that mentality. In fact, i think it is everything that is wrong with this world.
I am acutely aware of the fact that God has placed me in a situation where i have alot of people in my life who are looking out for number one and number one only. Its always about what I didn't get, or who let me down. Honestly, I am completely frustrated and overwhelmed with it all. I try to remind myself to respond with love and continue to turn the other cheek, that they may not know God's word and i want to show love by extending grace and forgiving and loving and doing for others. But, like everything, its hard because i am a human too. A selfish and sinful human. And somedays i just want to unload on those people and let them know how their actions have effected others. Yes, who we are as people effect others too...its a beautiful concept but an easily forgotten one.
There are many days that i feel a physical heaviness at the burden of compensating for all the selfishness by retaliating with love. As always, i am at war with myself. I want to respond by acting how i feel but try to choose to do what is right. In fact, i think i actually error to the extreme opposite end of the spectrum. I tell myself "i'll carry their burden so they don't have to hurt". I do an injustice on the opposite side, i suppose.
We are who we are because of situations we have been in, families we have grown up with, genetics, God's grace, feelings that have been acknowledged or ignored and choices we have made. I know so many of us like to blame our "situation" for how or why we react and respond the way we do, but i don't buy it. We all have a choice. We can choose to overcome, choose to turn the other cheek, choose to embrace instead of hurt and choose to love.
When we read through the Bible, it is taught over and over to love one another. Its that easy, and that difficult. Love. And believe me, i don't feel like that is a natural response that i have to those who offend me, but one i have chosen (or am trying) to take. Yes, we all get mad and we all are hurt...thats okay, but how we respond to that hurt is where our integrity comes through. Do we sin in our anger? Probably. Does God teach us to do so?...Definitely not. Psalms 4:4 "In your anger do not sin..." God isn't telling us that we can not be angry about a situation, but that we can not sin because of it. Ephesians 4:31-32 "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you." I mean, i could go on and on. Seriously the Bible is strict on this one (and everything else) its a big deal. God is repeatedly teaching us to Love Him first and others second. When Jesus was asked which was the greatest commandment in the law? He answered "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love you neighbor as yourself '." (Matthew 22:37-39)
Its not easy. Period. We are all sinners who have fallen short, but that doesn't give us the excuse or allow us to embrace our sinful nature and to stop trying. (Man, now as i get typing i am thinking bout a hundred things that i want to say and so many points that go off of this and thoughts that i have had and would love to discuss, but i'll try to stay on task )
I guess my point is this. We don't get good as enough, its simply isn't. The bar is set so high and God calls us to obey his commandments. Period. Its not about our busy schedules, our lack of or abundance of money and especially not about what we feel like doing. We are on this earth to make disciples of all nations. This is my temporary home. (did NOT mean to reference that Carrie Underwood song) I am just passing through and i will ignore all of my human feelings that start with the sentence "What about me?" God promises us persecution, but he also promises us a great inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade-waiting for us in heaven. We have hope in the resurrection of Jesus Christ. We need to keep ourselves in God's love as we wait for the Mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring us into eternal life. (Jude 1:21)
I have read and clung to these few verses as i have been experiencing fear in my own life (thats a whole other blog...and I'll write about it someday)
Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
Hebrews 10:36 "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."
And finally Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for HE WHO PROMISED IS FAITHFUL"
Those last few words have honestly changed my world. I cling to them and love them. His promises bring joy and hope through our faith in Him, but they also promise an eternal death for those who do not put their hope in Him. Thats powerful. He who promised is faithful. To me, those might just be some of the most powerful words ever written in the Bible.
That's whats on my heart. Do unto others. Lets just do it. Don't wait until someone is on their death be to reminisce on the days gone by and all the opportunities you missed to serve, connect, encourage, lift up, embrace, and love those people. Because by then, it will be too late...
Obviously we aren't going to get it right all of the time, but come on...is anyone even think about what they can do for others any more? Do we ever think out side of our secure house with our kids and shcedules to look for someone who is in need?
We have a heavy load to carry as Christians in this world. We are held to a higher standard because we are representatives of His kingdom.... But we also have the promise of a Father...And for me, that alone is worth all the persecution i will endure this short time on earth.
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2)
I am acutely aware of the fact that God has placed me in a situation where i have alot of people in my life who are looking out for number one and number one only. Its always about what I didn't get, or who let me down. Honestly, I am completely frustrated and overwhelmed with it all. I try to remind myself to respond with love and continue to turn the other cheek, that they may not know God's word and i want to show love by extending grace and forgiving and loving and doing for others. But, like everything, its hard because i am a human too. A selfish and sinful human. And somedays i just want to unload on those people and let them know how their actions have effected others. Yes, who we are as people effect others too...its a beautiful concept but an easily forgotten one.
There are many days that i feel a physical heaviness at the burden of compensating for all the selfishness by retaliating with love. As always, i am at war with myself. I want to respond by acting how i feel but try to choose to do what is right. In fact, i think i actually error to the extreme opposite end of the spectrum. I tell myself "i'll carry their burden so they don't have to hurt". I do an injustice on the opposite side, i suppose.
We are who we are because of situations we have been in, families we have grown up with, genetics, God's grace, feelings that have been acknowledged or ignored and choices we have made. I know so many of us like to blame our "situation" for how or why we react and respond the way we do, but i don't buy it. We all have a choice. We can choose to overcome, choose to turn the other cheek, choose to embrace instead of hurt and choose to love.
When we read through the Bible, it is taught over and over to love one another. Its that easy, and that difficult. Love. And believe me, i don't feel like that is a natural response that i have to those who offend me, but one i have chosen (or am trying) to take. Yes, we all get mad and we all are hurt...thats okay, but how we respond to that hurt is where our integrity comes through. Do we sin in our anger? Probably. Does God teach us to do so?...Definitely not. Psalms 4:4 "In your anger do not sin..." God isn't telling us that we can not be angry about a situation, but that we can not sin because of it. Ephesians 4:31-32 "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you." I mean, i could go on and on. Seriously the Bible is strict on this one (and everything else) its a big deal. God is repeatedly teaching us to Love Him first and others second. When Jesus was asked which was the greatest commandment in the law? He answered "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love you neighbor as yourself '." (Matthew 22:37-39)
Its not easy. Period. We are all sinners who have fallen short, but that doesn't give us the excuse or allow us to embrace our sinful nature and to stop trying. (Man, now as i get typing i am thinking bout a hundred things that i want to say and so many points that go off of this and thoughts that i have had and would love to discuss, but i'll try to stay on task )
I guess my point is this. We don't get good as enough, its simply isn't. The bar is set so high and God calls us to obey his commandments. Period. Its not about our busy schedules, our lack of or abundance of money and especially not about what we feel like doing. We are on this earth to make disciples of all nations. This is my temporary home. (did NOT mean to reference that Carrie Underwood song) I am just passing through and i will ignore all of my human feelings that start with the sentence "What about me?" God promises us persecution, but he also promises us a great inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade-waiting for us in heaven. We have hope in the resurrection of Jesus Christ. We need to keep ourselves in God's love as we wait for the Mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring us into eternal life. (Jude 1:21)
I have read and clung to these few verses as i have been experiencing fear in my own life (thats a whole other blog...and I'll write about it someday)
Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
Hebrews 10:36 "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."
And finally Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for HE WHO PROMISED IS FAITHFUL"
Those last few words have honestly changed my world. I cling to them and love them. His promises bring joy and hope through our faith in Him, but they also promise an eternal death for those who do not put their hope in Him. Thats powerful. He who promised is faithful. To me, those might just be some of the most powerful words ever written in the Bible.
That's whats on my heart. Do unto others. Lets just do it. Don't wait until someone is on their death be to reminisce on the days gone by and all the opportunities you missed to serve, connect, encourage, lift up, embrace, and love those people. Because by then, it will be too late...
Obviously we aren't going to get it right all of the time, but come on...is anyone even think about what they can do for others any more? Do we ever think out side of our secure house with our kids and shcedules to look for someone who is in need?
We have a heavy load to carry as Christians in this world. We are held to a higher standard because we are representatives of His kingdom.... But we also have the promise of a Father...And for me, that alone is worth all the persecution i will endure this short time on earth.
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2)
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Obedience? Not in this house.
Warning: I am NOT in a good mood...
Ahhh, what a looong week i had last week and an even harder weekend. Life seems to be crazy lately and i am not loving that. I am NOT and never have been that girl that has to be busy and needs to be involved in 50 things to feel important. I am content chasing my kids, playing outside, doing laundry and being home.
I can't even put my finger on exactly why i am so frustrated but i think i have a few good ideas. As the kids get older, every other weekend we have a full house and it seems to wreak a little havoc on everyone and that is getting hard. Jeromy is playing softball two nights a week, in a row (which i encouraged) but i am realizing that two long days and nights alone with the kids is hard. My kids are getting ...ummmm, well...mouthy! Its driving me crazy. I remember when Ruby was just a baby and my sister in law told me that it was the fighting that was so hard to deal with. Her kids were close in age and fought alot. I didn't quite understand exactly what she meant back then, but I do now.
Is it just me!?!? Or does anyone else have these hard days? I am getting so annoyed at the parents who have a problem, they handle it and give me that solution. I mean, come on? Really? Its just NOT that easy. At least not at this house. I notice Ruby has turned into a little mouthy grumpy goose since she started kindergarten. I want to blame school on this problem...and it may be part of it...but i have to take responsibility for it too. As she sasses and then Laney sasses back and now i hear Junior doing it, i wonder to myself ... Is it her age? Is it school? Is she just trying to be independent? Is it genetic? Or is she copying me?! No answers are good enough. No one knows and the weight falls solely on my shoulders. I am a stay at home mom. This is my job. I am the teacher and they learn from me.
I am not kidding, its like i walk around this house saying"don't drink your water in the living room" and the minute i leave, they bring it in there. I can say, "make your bed" and two hour and one spanking later they are playing polly pockets in their mess still. I feel like maybe i am talking so much that they don't even hear me anymore? I don't know. Do i raise my voice more than i should, or not enough? Why does one of them instinctively kick their foot out when the other one walks by? We are dealing with fights and tears ALL THE TIME at this house. And honestly, i am not used to that. I grew up with three brothers. There was alot of fighting, but not alot of crying in our house. I don't know how to deal with this. I even find that i will lower myself to their level sometimes. Like, i just want to say "Fine. I am mad at you and i don't want to talk to you either!" I mean, come on...what am i two for thinking like this? Ugh.
This week especially, i have the overwhleming urge to yell, "I HAVE FEELING TOO!!" (like a child, i know) to my family...ALOT. But honestly i can only take so much of the "Mom get me some water!" Or "I don't like you!" I know they are kids and i am sure so many of you moms are thinking, well, just follow through ...discipline different... and all will be okay. I know Moms think it, i have done it myself. But i also know and am 100% positive that every kid is different and they don't all respond exactly the same way. I just can't figure out what the "best" way is to parent each of mine.
I was at a game a while ago with a friend and talking to a mom who has young children. And she goes to work and drops her kids off at day care and then has extra curricular activities and meetings and other obligations in a day. I know that is normal for so many moms. But ya know what? If you aren't home all day every day (or most days) living in the trenches with your kids, then you don't understand my complaints. Those are the parents who think its easy, they try to direct me, saying "i just say jump and my kids listen". Its making me so crazy these days. I know i have gotten in trouble writing about this before and i probably will again, but ya know what, its how i truly feel. Its NOT the same.
I am sitting here, wanting to finish the dishes, needing to fold one more load of laundry and wishing i could keep up on my household tasks so i could enjoy the beautiful weather, but i can't... I swear i am always saying i want to catch up on chores, but i never seem to get there and today that is making me feel like screaming...
I wish i had a day where my kids woke up perfectly happy, cleaned their rooms, remembered their manners, ate their lunch, and didn't say one unkind word to any of us...That would make me happy.
...i wish.....
Ahhh, what a looong week i had last week and an even harder weekend. Life seems to be crazy lately and i am not loving that. I am NOT and never have been that girl that has to be busy and needs to be involved in 50 things to feel important. I am content chasing my kids, playing outside, doing laundry and being home.
I can't even put my finger on exactly why i am so frustrated but i think i have a few good ideas. As the kids get older, every other weekend we have a full house and it seems to wreak a little havoc on everyone and that is getting hard. Jeromy is playing softball two nights a week, in a row (which i encouraged) but i am realizing that two long days and nights alone with the kids is hard. My kids are getting ...ummmm, well...mouthy! Its driving me crazy. I remember when Ruby was just a baby and my sister in law told me that it was the fighting that was so hard to deal with. Her kids were close in age and fought alot. I didn't quite understand exactly what she meant back then, but I do now.
Is it just me!?!? Or does anyone else have these hard days? I am getting so annoyed at the parents who have a problem, they handle it and give me that solution. I mean, come on? Really? Its just NOT that easy. At least not at this house. I notice Ruby has turned into a little mouthy grumpy goose since she started kindergarten. I want to blame school on this problem...and it may be part of it...but i have to take responsibility for it too. As she sasses and then Laney sasses back and now i hear Junior doing it, i wonder to myself ... Is it her age? Is it school? Is she just trying to be independent? Is it genetic? Or is she copying me?! No answers are good enough. No one knows and the weight falls solely on my shoulders. I am a stay at home mom. This is my job. I am the teacher and they learn from me.
I am not kidding, its like i walk around this house saying"don't drink your water in the living room" and the minute i leave, they bring it in there. I can say, "make your bed" and two hour and one spanking later they are playing polly pockets in their mess still. I feel like maybe i am talking so much that they don't even hear me anymore? I don't know. Do i raise my voice more than i should, or not enough? Why does one of them instinctively kick their foot out when the other one walks by? We are dealing with fights and tears ALL THE TIME at this house. And honestly, i am not used to that. I grew up with three brothers. There was alot of fighting, but not alot of crying in our house. I don't know how to deal with this. I even find that i will lower myself to their level sometimes. Like, i just want to say "Fine. I am mad at you and i don't want to talk to you either!" I mean, come on...what am i two for thinking like this? Ugh.
This week especially, i have the overwhleming urge to yell, "I HAVE FEELING TOO!!" (like a child, i know) to my family...ALOT. But honestly i can only take so much of the "Mom get me some water!" Or "I don't like you!" I know they are kids and i am sure so many of you moms are thinking, well, just follow through ...discipline different... and all will be okay. I know Moms think it, i have done it myself. But i also know and am 100% positive that every kid is different and they don't all respond exactly the same way. I just can't figure out what the "best" way is to parent each of mine.
I was at a game a while ago with a friend and talking to a mom who has young children. And she goes to work and drops her kids off at day care and then has extra curricular activities and meetings and other obligations in a day. I know that is normal for so many moms. But ya know what? If you aren't home all day every day (or most days) living in the trenches with your kids, then you don't understand my complaints. Those are the parents who think its easy, they try to direct me, saying "i just say jump and my kids listen". Its making me so crazy these days. I know i have gotten in trouble writing about this before and i probably will again, but ya know what, its how i truly feel. Its NOT the same.
I am sitting here, wanting to finish the dishes, needing to fold one more load of laundry and wishing i could keep up on my household tasks so i could enjoy the beautiful weather, but i can't... I swear i am always saying i want to catch up on chores, but i never seem to get there and today that is making me feel like screaming...
I wish i had a day where my kids woke up perfectly happy, cleaned their rooms, remembered their manners, ate their lunch, and didn't say one unkind word to any of us...That would make me happy.
...i wish.....
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