Family

The last couple of weeks i have really been thinking alot about the meaning of family.  As a parent i am consciously aware of my kids attitudes towards Jeromy and I and each other. Some days i am so proud and some days i am discouraged. I know they are kids and of course they are learning.  I love that they are learning.  I know some people think i am a little too "law & order" when it comes to parenting and then in the same breath, i error on the side of being too protective and soft.  What a balancing act it is.  Above all else i want my kids to love God. I want them to treat others kindly, i want them to always remember their manner and put others before themselves.  And yet, some days i find that i am harping and harping on them to love one another, share and be patient so much, that i end up yelling it...and when you are yelling "LOVE ONE ANOTHER!"  It doesn't do your cause much justice.

As i am dealing with so many dimensions of my own families dynamics and confused and frustrated and hurt by the sometimes careless acts of life, it reminds me to push hard to remind my kids to always love one another.  And not just the ol' blood is thicker than water kind of love. I want them to actually care about each other. I want them to respect each other. I want them to encourage. I want them to empathize with each other. I want them to protect each other. And not just when the going gets tough, but always.

This last month i have really witnessed a lack of family in a few different situations with a few different groups of people.  In fact i am shocked at the amount of "dysfunction" there is in families.  Mine included.  Why do we not love one another? 

As i watched Parenthood this week i was so touched.  It wasn't the main point of the story, but i was super aware of the longing that i had for a situation those characters were going through.  Someone had been awoken by a phone call saying her daughter had been in a car accident and she had to come to the hospital. Well, that character went to the hospital and one by one her siblings and family showed up to support her and sit with her.  I was just shocked. It is what a family should be, right?  Supportive. Loving.  And I do have that, don't get me wrong...but you know, everyones got something.

                                           

Well, my cousin informed me that that was just television and that not all families are even like that. And she is right. But still, i find myself longing for it and wanting it for so many others. I am very aware that i want my kids to have that. I need them to.

So i have adopted a new saying at the house when the kids are fighting. I immediately stop them and say "Who do we love first?" And they respond "God" and then i say  "and who do we love second?"  and they respond "family".  Yes, i may be acting as a forceful dictator, but i think it is important to remind them that we are family and that its really important. God didn't make a mistake when he stuck us together.  Family is a foundation. Good or bad. We either cling to it and rely on its support, or we learn from it and try to find the lesson in it.  Yes, not all families are like Parenthood, but i want mine to be (in some ways).  I want that for my kids.

Its odd, how one of my brothers in the midst of a rant said something that has stuck with me.  I was discussing a family member who had hurt me and how i was trying to mend that relationship and my brother went on and on and on about forgetting them and moving on. He said i should watch Joe Dirt and went on to tell me why.  Joe spent the whole movie trying to find his parents who had abandoned him. His family and when he did they weren't even worth finding! The moral of the movie was that its not just about the "family" you were born into, "family" is the relationships we build along the way.

Who knew Joe Dirt had so much to offer? :)

I believe family and family we find along the way are all important in shaping us to be who God wants us to be.  It may not be a good situation but we learn from it. It may be a fabulous supportive situation and we grow from it.  No matter how you look at it, we are all right where God wants us to be.

This weekend, especially, i want to remember the One who delicately placed us in our perfect situation.  It is because of His sacrifice on the cross that i can live in eternity with my Father.  My heavenly family is going to embrace me into their arms and its going to be a feeling like no other.............and then hopefully we can have a coffee and discuss what we are gong to be doing for the next thousand years!

 I hope you are all loving and embracing your chosen families today!  Have a Happy Easter, friends!

          

I'll love you forever...

The last few nights, as i rocked my little man to sleep, i have been thinking and thinking about the "sleep process" for us mothers of babies. 

I have many friends who i go back and forth with on sleep habits of babies.  There are so many strict methods. Theres the Ferber method, and the baby wise method. I know there are so many other methods, but they seem to be the two that i know the most about.  And even though these methods work and babies sleep through the night (or at least fall asleep (cry asleep) fast) i guess i don't know if it really works.  Babies are not robots. Just because they fall asleep doesn't mean they are going to stay asleep.  And personality plays such a big part.  I have parented my three babies the same since they were infants.  Well, not so much parented them the same, i have used the same method to get them to sleep.  I rock them.  Oooooo, now i know a bunch of you just gasped because that method is so terrible.  To you, i say Whatever.
Anyone who knows me knows that since Jeromy and I had our first baby together, i have not slept through the night. Seriously. I can count on one hand the amount of nights that i have went to bed and slept uninterrupted.  My gosh, I used to nurse Ruby to sleep and then panic about moving from the couch to her crib. It was like she felt the drop in elevation and would cry and i would have to start all over again. I remember worrying night after sleepless night that i would never sleep again.  I spend hours upon hours rocking Ruby in front of her crib. Standing and rocking in the middle of the night is not an easy task. I would feel dizzy and just want to fall to the ground i was so tired. But, alas, i would rock her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...

Then Laney came along and we bought a cheap glider. I was getting smart. I knew there was no way i was just going to "lay her down" to sleep, so i planned ahead.  I knew i would be going from one room where i was standing rocking my baby to the other room where i got to glide my other baby to sleep.  And that's exactly what i did.  Like a stealthy ninja, i would go from room to room in the middle of the night, making sure i had my hand in the door so it would shut silently.  I would turn the knob before i pulled the door for complete peace. It worked. I mean, i felt crazy, but i didn't wake anyone after i rocked them for the 98th time that night.  I felt desperate to get sleep. I would even bargain with God.  Please, just let me sleep through the night, give me a few hours, i can't do this... But before you knew it, i would be up rocking someone back and forth, back and forth.  I would remind myself that i was mad at God. (i know, totally lame) the only thing is, i would forget and that next day as i sat down to pray, i would say Ooops, that's right, I'm mad at you.   It was bad.  I was tired, and it was bad.  The rocking had to stop. Or i was going to take a long walk off a short pier, if ya know what I'm saying.

Well, woudlnt' ya know it, along came Junior and we got smarter yet, we got a lazy boy recliner to put in his room. Hey that glider was nice for a few minute, but after a few hours, my behind hurt and i wanted to scream. The recliner. That was going to be like a little cloud.  Plus Jeromy promised me that if he just had a recliner, then he would have no problem getting up and rocking the baby.  This was going to be good.  I was going to have back up for the bad nights and a comfy spot to rest my weary body.  Well, wouldn't ya know Junior wasn't the best sleeper either? Funny.  (But totally not in a haha way) So i rocked, and rocked.  Alone that first year because he only wanted me, and how could Big Jeromy argue with that. (In fact, he never actually followed through on that promise)  Nice, huh?  So rocked we did. But for some strange reason, i didn't have the overwhelming feeling i did with the girls.  I savored my time with him. I didn't care how many times a night i had to get up, this was my baby. My sweet little boy.  It may have been different because i knew this would be the last one i would be rocking.

When Laney was a baby, and i visited a friend of mines house. She was admiring the baby stage and reminicing. I'll never forget that conversation. As we were talking about sleep habits and i was complaining about my lack of one, she chimed in "but don't you just cherish that time alone with her?"  I remember thinking, Cherish?  Ummm, no!  I have plenty of time alone with her, i am ALWAYS rocking someone!!   Well, that was years ago now, but i still think about that conversation.  She was so right. That is the advice that  adopted as my own. Enjoy that time rocking them. They are only young once.

As i rocked Junior to sleep this afternoon and watched him slowly drift into neverland, i felt so content. This is what motherhood is. These are the moments that are gone in the blink of an eye.  Why would i want to "Ferber, or baby wise" my baby? I want to hold them.  They are my heart.  It is such a special thing when you can hold, snuggle,connect, just bond with your baby.  Sure there are critics. I have ALOT of them, but i don't care. I believe my kids have benefited from the love and security they have found in my arms.

A friend of mine is a mother to 4 and has been very strict with her kids. They are so well behaved and wonderful , but she never was a fan of rocking.(and she does just about everything right) She just didn't do it and her kids never seemed to need it. They slept well because of the routine they had become accustom to. They are loved dearly.  But now this friend is adopting a baby and we talk often about the excitement of it and how things will change and what she will do differently.  And one of the things they recommend is, sleeping with your baby.  Creating a bond.  She says its going to be different. Her parenting style will change with this one. It is so important to "attach" with your precious new baby. They are new to the family and have to attach or there may be some unusual struggles and one way they do that is being very hands on....rocking them.(Gasp!)

Now, that's adoption, but as i sit and think, i wonder, if that's the best way to connect with a new baby you are adopting, wouldn't it be a great way to love your babies all the time. Rocking. Comforting. Loving.

It doesn't matter how you get a baby or why you are holding them, i think there is not greater joy than rocking those precious souls to sleep.  And hey, i may have to do it until my kids are 22, but that's alright with me.  I will know that their schedule comes before mine, and it always will...even in the middle of the night.

So, rock on mothers who rock.. I know we are few and far between, but as i sit and see it with my own eyes, they grow up so fast. Its an age old saying, but a true one. These years are gone in an instant. And i don't want to look back and wish i had spent more time holding my beautiful angels in my arms.

the bad days

Boy oh boy, i tell ya, my mood has seriously changed from two days ago until now.  I find that sometimes my mind rebels against itself..  I fight the flesh so much. Its hard to be a christian and a human, isn't it?

I feel like lately i find joy in so many things and i have a pretty positive outlook on life.  Its not how i used to be, but something that i have intentionally changed as i grew up and faced some sticky situations.  And that is why i am so frustrated with my self today.  I feel like there are a handful of people that i am around or talk to that live a life so differently that i do and on the wrong day, i find myself wondering what it woulds be like to live differently or to be different.  These people aren't parents or friends that i would say that i look up to or respect because of their amazing parenting or relationships, they are just friends that i had so long ago and they make me think about life back then.  No schedules, no one to report to, no pressure to do things just right.  I have felt this way before, and i am sure I will feel it again, but i don't like it.  I am confident where i am and happy to be here. But i find my mind wondering, on a bad day, why i don't do more carefree and fun stuff? 

Deep down in my soul, i know that raising my kids to be "spiritual champions" is the most important thing i will ever do. I am grateful for it and excited by that. I am overwhelmingly thankful that i get the privilege to stay home with my kids every day.   I honestly wake up and feel glad that i am home.  Especially now, as they are getting older and we are enjoying so many more things and our schedules are more exciting and we can actually leave the house at noon without having to nap someone.  I love it.  

But no sooner than i started expressing how much easier life was getting, i had a bad day yesterday. Nothing serious, i just felt my joy leaving as i got grumpier and more frustrated.

I am 29. Thats not that old, is it?   And yet, i look in the mirror and i find myself asking why my hair never looks as good as other girls hair.  Why do i still wear the tee shirts i had years and years ago. And are those seriously CROWS FEET next to my eyes?  I am a mom. But i am still a girl too.  I've got to fight the feeling of insecurity because i know my hope lies in Christ and not these material things. Seriously, i have argued the shallowness of these thoughts my whole life. I never caved under the pressure of the perfect clothes, makeup or "things". They were never important to me and they aren't now. But, i find myself feeling frumpy.  When i have no where to go in a day, i don't get too fancied up, ya know?  Sure, i put on my jeans and makeup, but i don't worry too much about it.  Maybe its just a bad week or heck, maybe its just hormones, but i hate this feeling.  I feel old. I feel unsettled today.  I feel like there is no possible chance that i can keep the kids clothes OFF the floor for more than an hour. I feel overwhelmed, a little.

I guess my own remedy for that is to go upstairs and start organizing the kids clothes, re arranging book shelves and shave my legs?  But Ugh. Thats just it, it doesn't sound fun. Today i am not able to find joy in folding laundry.  But i won't give into these truthless thoughts. I have value as a mom. We all do. And that should fill me up.  I am a child of God and thats pretty amazing. So, I am going to do my best to focus on the positive things today and let those other trivial thoughts (the ones that are NOT from God anyways) fade to the background.

Moms, lets put an extra coat of mascara on today and crank the tunes and feel like we felt 10 years ago when we were running free...because the only difference is, now we have even more to be grateful for!

So, (deep breath in) laundry and house hold chores..(long and exaggerated sigh out...).. here i come!