2013

Its heeee-eeere!!! Time for New Year's Resolutions!! I am so totally stoked about this. It energizes me, more than Kale, to think about all of the changes that i want to make in 2013!

I thought about it,  wrote it down, thought about it, went into deeper detail, wrote it down...and then lost my notebook!

Story of my LIFE... i mean story of 1981-2012, but not 2013. I WILL be better. Which leads me to my next thoughts...

In the year of 2013, i want to be better. Just be. Better. At all things.

I am so totally tired of people texting, texting while driving, texting while bike riding, texting while at a desk, table, or couch. Texting while talking, texting while in line at a store or at a restaurant...texting, texting, texting! It is my nemasis. And i will stand strong against it. Its just the beginning of the end, if ya ask me---and YES i am assuming you ARE asking me, sooooo...

I want to fight the power of smartphones, facebook, and twitter. I  believe whole heatedly that they are the antichrist and we are so consumed with them and having everything at our fingertips, autocorrecting our own words that we are becoming mush brains-- MUSHBRAINS, i tell you!

I am so totes over elitism, arrogance, "defriending" and taking yourself too seriously. Laugh people. Laugh a little.

I do not believe that the value of an animals life is ANYWHERE close to a humans. Anywhere.

I am going off "the juice" in 2013. As for what "the juice" is...i call alot of things that. Coffee, ice cream, sugar, sugary snacks, sugary anything...mmmmmmm, i do love "the juice"!!

I am overhauling my meal planning. Its going to be serious and its gonna be radical.(more on that another time)

I continue to love Jimmy Fallon.

I want to be more like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler...just not so left winged--AMIRIGHT?

I miss Kristen Wiig on SNL.

I have read and enjoyed many books this past year and will continue to do so into the new year. Yeah for readers. READERS ARE LEADERS!! (spread the word)

Speaking of leaders, my wonderful-and so much cooler than me--friend, Angela, and i are starting a book club. Its gonna be ridiculously cool and you can all join. I am very excited about this.

I will get more chickens "before the rooster crows"...Ha! Not possible, i own a rooster and he will crow at around 4:30 tomorrow morning....soooo, i guess i will have more beautiful and glorious chickens before the ground thaws. Yes, that sounds right.

I am determined to learn how to can, preserve, and freeze my own produce this summer. It will be glorious as well. I want to live off the land. and own sheep, and own horses--no horses scare me--own Scottish Highland cows. (google them. They are A-mazing!)  Not pigs, i am a bit Jewish when it comes to pigs. Yuck. Lots more chickens, a few ducks....awww, baby ducks. Oh, how i loooong to be a farmer.

I am aiming to...[cough].... hug more.[Oh, gross] I feel like maybe my disdain for hugging has left some awkward goodbyes and i am going to try to fix that. No matter how weird it feels when my monkey like arms hug around a person and come back around to touch my own shoulders...Oy. this is going to be a toughie. If you read this, and see me--be gentle with the hugs.  Lets not overdo it, okay?

Speaking of hugs...i am thinking after 3 years of wearing organic deodorant, maybe i should just buck up--fill myself  with cancer causing aluminum--and go back to Dove deodorant? ---Nope. I don't know if i can. But maybe.

I want to wake up early and write. Yes, i said write. What, i can't be a writer? Is it my age? Inability? What? Oh never mind, who asked you anyways.  I am going to wake up early or stay up late writing. I have notebook's and notebooks from when i was younger and story upon story that i enjoy reading even now. I am going to write. Maybe a novel. You don't know. You don't know me, girrrrl. (snap left, snap right, and snap back left)

I guess i am running in a 7K in March (gag) since i have a bossy friend and she manages to tell me what to do and i accidentally (always) say yes--time after time. I may just get stuck doing this crazy thing. I will make her think she is in charge, but what she doesn't know is that she is going to play church softball with us this summer. And she is going to practice so that she doesn't embarrass me--leaving me no choice but to break up with her. (warm up that arm, Lady T)

And i am going to try more smiling and nodding when my husband talks.....(silently smiling and nodding) No words, no answers, no "why??!" just a smile and a nod, smile and nod, smile and nod. I've got high hopes for this one. And like they say, "Fake it till ya make it." (picture me smiling and nodding at you, right now)

I am going to combat HATE with LOVE. I am determined.

I will continue to pray for the families of Newtown the moment my eyes open-- every day.

I want to make Christ proud this year. Intentionally, every day, every moment, eyes on Him--proud.

Lastly i am going to live the year 2013 clinging to this verse, II Timothy 1:7 " For God hath not given us the spirit of fear,  but of power and of love and of sound mind."  I need this verse. Each day as i wake up, i need this verse.

What are your hopes and dreams for 2013?? I would love to hear them...

Happy New Year friends!!  Make goals, try, change, be better, love, give, smile, high five, snuggle, trust, laugh, and enjoy life!!!

Live a life full of love....the world needs it.

I need thee

This week has been a rough one. As many of you know, that tragedy in Connecticut has really taken the wind our of my sails.  Each morning i still wake up thinking of those kids. Those parents. The friends. That town.

I pray diligently for peace and for God's love to just cover those families. And then i try to carry on with my day. But its never quite out of my mind.  There is a new pain that i am learning to live with.

At first it was a sorrow. And then anger. And now there is just a piece of me that is always imagining those families-- How is there day going at this exact moment. And then i imagine my precious children's faces. And remind myself never to ever grow numb. Never to go back to normal.

Because, that is in fact, what i think its wrong with this world.  We grow accustom to this stuff. It shocks us, saddens us. Maybe for a brief moment, but eventually we all return to our normal life.

And i am refusing to do that. I will be changed by this. And i will not go back to life before it.

As i was waiting in line at Target this morning I happened to glance over at the magazines. And there it was. PEOPLE's cover, filled with pictures of 26 beautiful lives--Lost.  And i had to look away.  Because that is how i am preserving myself these days. I have yet to see the news.  I just can't. I don't want to. I am healing and every glance that i see and every thing that i hear-- just sets me back. Puts me in their shoes. And i am stuck.

As i drove home, i thought about life without Christ. What a hopeless life that would be. And many of my friends and family live that life.  And it breaks my heart. Saddens my soul.

How?

How do you get through something without hope? Faith--in things not seen? Trust in our heavenly Father. Our Saviour?

How do you go about life. Without a greater purpose?

To be honest, I feel lost some days with Christ. So how do you do it without him?

I have been praying fervently this past week. Soul searching, really.

Wondering if God just looks down on us and shakes his head saying, what will it take to get you to focus your eyes on me?

 My soul cries out for Gods provision. Each moment of every day.

 I think of the lost. I think of the saved.

Are we really living our lives heaven bound? Do we focus on Jesus in all hours of the day? Do we focus on Jesus in any hours of the day?

Because i want to.

We need to.

This is my plea. As we celebrate a holiday devoted to God's child--Jesus. Let us be reminded that its not just a story. Its history. Allow yourself time to take it all in. Give yourself time to truly envision it... HE was a baby, not unlike yours or mine, that was born in a manger. He came to earth to die, so that we could truly live.

Not here on earth, but in heaven. Where there will be "No more night. No more pain. No more tears. Never crying again. And praises to the great "I AM." We will live in the light of the risen Lamb." (David Phelps lyrics)

That is my Christmas wish for you.

To take life seriously. We don't know what tomorrow brings, but we can put our hope in Jesus. Right now.

Think about it. Do it. Don't wait.

Open up your Bible, and ask God to forgive your sins and cleanse you white as snow. That you may live in eternity with Him. 

Ephesians 2:8 :For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is a gift from God!

John 3:16 " For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 14:1 " Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God...

John 16:33 " In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

I can not imagine a world without the HOPE of Jesus Christ. The uncertainly of where death will take me. The fear of the unknown. 

God is clear. Matthew 7:7 says "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." 

Don't just think about it.  

LIVE IT.

Ask, seek, Knock!

Trust Him and you will know a peace like never before!! God doesn't promise us that we won't have troubles on this earth, but he does promise us eternal life. Because "greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." (1 john 4:4)

I know i sound passionate about this, but its because i am. If i offend you, that was never my intent. Never. We just can't keep tip toeing around this earth.  We need to stand for something. We need Jesus and we need to be the change this world so desperately craves. 

Listen to this hymn, let the words sink into the depths of your soul and cry out to Him. This is my prayer for you--today and every day that follows. 

Horror

Yesterday was unspeakable. Unimaginable. Evil.

I have no words to describe the pain i feel for the families who lost their innocent and precious children yesterday.

My brain truly can not fathom how anyone could do this.

I knew nothing of the events yesterday. I felt in the weeds because i was running behind on preparations for dinner with friends at out house.  At around 12:30 my friend called me and said "Did you hear the news?" In a terribly somber voice.  I said "no." And she proceeded to tell me that "there was a shooting at a school, kindergarten through 4th grade..."

And i tell you, what i heard was "there's been a shooting at East Bethel Elementary School..."  Her kids go there and so do mine.

I can't even begin to describe the feeling that overtook my body. My lungs began to fill with fire and my stomach hurt. It was a pain so intense.Visceral. My hands started to shake as i, truly, thought this was happening at my school.

For a moment--my world stood still.

"turn on the news." she said.

I turned off Arthur and watched channel 4 in horror. Horror. After only a few minutes i turned the TV off and told Junior to get his shoes on. We were going to get my girls.  I needed a moment alone to compose myself as i felt like this journey went from being one i was going to experience to absorbing all the pain and sorrow that i now felt for families who lost their babies. Kindergartners.

Perfect, sweet, innocent and vulnerable. I pictured Laney's adorable class as i drove.  Envisioned our principle and our teachers. It was horrific.

As i walked into the office the principle was quietly talking to the secretaries. I waited for her to leave. Assuming she was talking about the days events.

And then i said "I am here to pick up my kids early."  The secretary said okay.

And then she looked at me and gently said " They are safe here."

 I did everything in my power to keep my composure. I nodded and said, "i just need them home."

And she called for Ruby i was able to go get Laney as i knew she was getting ready for recess.  She was shocked and all the kids were happy. Laughing and talking. Waving and hugging me as i walked through the hall. They are all so innocent. So precious. My soul hurt as i tried to smile at those faces that i love.

As i walked out of the school the weight of the day hit me harder and i felt ill.  I needed my kids. Fear had entered my life. Along with a sorrow i never knew.

As a mother, I envision rushing to the scene of that school. Your life can go either way. You hang in the balance wondering if your child will come out, or if an officer will come to your side.

The sheer joy of seeing your child run from the school to your arms yesterday, a gift from God that breaks the heart.

And other families--went to bed with out a member of their family. A child no longer has his or her sibling. A mother with out a child. A family with a broken heart-forever.

We have experienced many evils in life.  Shootings, bombings, 9/11, terrorist attacks. But nothing has hurt my heart like yesterdays shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School.  A kindergarten class.

So as i mourned an prayed yesterday and today, i just feel guilty.  Someone is without their 5 year old- and today i am hugging mine. So far from the tragedy and yet i feel survivors guilt.

A child should never die. But in cold blood. It sickens my soul and tears at my heart.

As i woke up the reality hit me again. That this really happened. And how thankful I am to have my children safe at home with me.  But how much i hurt for those families.

All we can do is pray. I don't even have the words to pray, but we must.

Yesterday I prayed against the evil and the hate in this world. I prayed for the first time ever, that God just comes back to earth to take us all to heaven where we can live together forever. Without any pain. Without any children dying.

Heaven. That was my prayer.

I shut down the computer and kept the tv off all of yesterday. I couldn't see any news, didn't want to hear any more stories.  Because the three minutes that i did see- some of those comments are ones that i wish i could forget. You can't unsee things. And we can't un hear it. We can't unread stories. So i choose to pray. The facts are horrific and we know that those families, those survivors, those injured, those parents, kids, teachers and friends--need prayer. And that is all that i can offer.

We can pray. And God can heal.

 I don't know how, but he has to.