Carry on.

The Holidays usually bring about many emotions. And i used to have sheer joy when i thought about Christmas. Or almost anything.

And I think i still do, for the most part.

But every once in a while we can get a little bug in our behinds that makes us feel sorry for ourselves for this reason or that.

And some times its justified.

Because life is hard.

But i also believe that we can pull ourselves out of it too. By focusing on what we DO have.

The other night as i was driving in the car, my newest favorite song came on. Its more of an anthem than a song. And it reminded me of all that is right in the world. And even what isn't right--Doesn't have to control me.  Bad relationships don't control me. Bad people don't have the power to hurt me. Brokenness doesn't have to overtake us.

Unless we let it.

For all that is wrong. I have something even better and more powerful that is right.

I have my Mom and Dad. And i have a brother like no other to have ever walked this planet.  So for all the broken relationships that i have that i feel aren't fair or have hurt me, or my husband, or my children. I always remind myself of the good people.

And i wouldn't take one thing on this earth if it meant that i didn't have those three in my corner.

And that reminds me to be so very grateful for what i do have. Because the love of those people in my life, is greater than any other love i can (tangibly) receive.

When i think of the people who have hurt "my people" it boils my blood.  I think of family. Friends. Co workers.(coworkers? I don't even work) Anyone who crosses those three people, crosses me as well.  And not that i will dwell on the hand that they have been dealt or the unfairness they have received. I will say this. We're a team. You hurt my people, you hurt me.  (That sounds a bit too Godfathery--doesn't it?)

Back to my anthem for life.

I felt sadness the other day, for a brief moment. Until I envisioned my beautiful friend Gwendolyn. And I thought of her in pain. I saw it. And it hurt my insides. To see her hurt for a loss in her life. Physically pained me as well.

I will never comprehend the life she has lead having lost her mother at such a young age. But i can be a friend to her. I want to. I need to.  I want to make it all better and take away her pain. But i can't.  So i will have to walk along beside her. (i'm with ya sister!)

Whenever we think we are hurting, we need to look around us and see other peoples needs and other peoples hurts. And we need to love them. And forget ourselves. Cause God has given us life and many blessings. And we can't ignore them.

Love someone today.

And carry on....

Girl power

Beyonce said it best when she sang "Boy you know you love it, how we're smart enough to make these millions. Strong enough to bare the children--then get back to business."

I lOVE that song. 

And i totally love being a girl. Cause girls rock!

I often think about the life of a man and then the life of a woman once they get married.

The men, they continue to work.

The women, usually work too--but also have to start making dinner. And cleaning the bathroom. And doing the dishes. And washing and drying and folding and putting away laundry. And doing the grocery shopping. And vacuuming. And scrubbing the floors.And then they usually give birth. And stay up all night. And clean up vomit. And wipe butts. And pack lunches... And, and, and.....

Is it just me, or does that seem somehow skewed?  

I for one, was not a natural born organizer, or dish do-er, or clothes folder, or bathroom cleaner. I wasn't even predisposed for it. I was the youngest child.. That basically equates to a bit spoiled. All i remember is eating my bowl of ice cream at night in the living room and then it disappeared. I don't know who put it away, but i am pretty positive it wasn't me.  (I can assume with about 100% certainty that in a house full of boys--it was the woman (Mom) who had to clean it up)

Sorry bout that Mom.

As i think about it (which i do often) I think about how amazing women are. I mean, we have babies!!  That's huge.  And we usually don't even complain about it.  That's even huger.

We just change with the seasons and step up to each new role placed before us. No bigs.

I happened to watch Dancing with the Stars last night and that cute little gymnast Shawn Johnson was doin her thing. And since it was the finals, she had guest back up dancers...the fab five, from the Olympics!  I love that. Girl power, i say--Girl Power! I love how we come together to support one another. (what i am trying to say is if one of you happen to make it on dancing with the Stars, Yes--i will be your back up dancer!)

The other day i was at Northtown (i know, i know. Puke) shopping at Vanity for boots with my girl, Angie. (Having a fabulous 1 hour girls get away) and i had one grey boot on my right foot and one brown boot on my left. There was this snarky girl, on the phone in front of the only mirror that i could use so i asked her (quietly- I didn't want to disturb that phone call) if i could just sneak in for a second? And she moved over a few feet and continued with her phone call.  And as i was looking back and forth at my feet, she pulled the phone away from her lips for a brief second and said "The brown ones!" And then went back to her phone. I love that. I love girls. We rule.  I nodded in agreeal and proceeded to get the brown ones.

Girls. We are a team. Always.

I like to think about my list of friends (and yes, it is a long list-thank you very much) and think about the different personalities and strengths of each one.

 There's the one who always has great advice.
The one who always has advice...its just not great.
The funny one. 
The strong one.
The tough one.
The faithful one.
The sad one.
The one you admire.
The one you want to learn from.
The one you remind yourself not to be like.
The chatty one.
The kind one.
The one who loves TV as much as you do.
The one who you like to eat with. (because they would rather just skip dinner and eat cupcakes too)
The maternal one.
The childish one.
The simplifier.
The "messier than you" one.
The healthy eater
The coffee drinker
The McDonalds frequenter
The coop frequenter
The ones who- if you are going to get into a fight--you want by your side.
The crazy ones that you never want to cross.
And the loyal one.

Anyways...you get my point. There are so many levels of girlhood. And i think we are the strongest things around. Mentally, socially, relationally, emotionally.

We are super heroes. You--are a superhero.


The older i get the more I appreciate my girlfriends. Even the crazy ones...or wait, am I the crazy one?

Okay, thanks alot. I don't like your tone there. I just told you how much i appreciate you and now you're calling me crazy...Thats it, where's my crazy going to war girlfriend? I need her.

See, a friend for every situation. How handy.

I want to embrace my peeps today! I am so thankful to be a girl and have the pleasure of having some rockin awesome girlfriends.  Without them, i would be nothing.

I mean, can you imagine how many looong blogs i would have if i didn't have my girls to talk to every day? How would i get my words in? HOW!?

Pheww, thank you for being a friend. You saved me. Well, Jesus did. But you guys--you are good.

This song goes out to all my girls. Even if your days highlight is only to fold clothes. Do it with style!! Tilt your head up and to the rights then pout your lips-now slowly bob your head up and down and OWN that laundry!!

Because who runs the world??   

GIRLS!!!

Everything effects someone

On Saturday i picked my wonderful Mother up to take her to lunch with one of my brothers. As i drove to his house, with my mother in the car, (who am i kidding, it was a van) her brother called her to wish her a happy birthday.  As i drove silently and listened to the conversation, i heard her say "well, i'm 65 today. I've lived 15 years longer than Mom and Dad." She said it and kept on talking about memories and fun stuff, not stopping to break down or anything.

I, on the other hand, felt this new pain that i feel inside at the thought of my grandparents. The 4 of them that i never even got to meet.

And it hurt my soul a bit.

So much that i had to focus on something else in my brain, or it might just overtake me.

Since i have been an adult. Maybe since I've been a mother. I really-really-wish i had had Grandparents growing up. Really.

I often think about my Mom's Dad and wonder if he would have been proud to watch me play ball?  I think of my Mom's mother and wonder if she would have enjoyed eating the sugary treats that i love to cook? Would my Dad's Dad be like Uncle John, or Uncle David?  Could i make him smile? Could i make him laugh?

 I bet I could make him laugh.

And my Dad's Mother, would she have approved of the person that i am? Would she have liked me? Liked all of us?

I often think of this- with sadness- as i see the wonderfulness of Grandparents and their love for their grand kids. Their love for their own.

I long for it actually. Even as an adult, i just kind of long for it. I wish i had had someone who just loved and doted on us and thought we just hung the moon. Because that's what Grandparents do, right?

And that's when i start to think about the fact that my Mom was just in her twenties when her parents were killed in a car accident. A mother to two young boys. Her brothers, Scott and Rob, were barely school age. Babies. Too young to lose their parents.  And that loss has continued down the line. It is felt by not only those kids who's life was forever changed when their parents went out the door and never came home...but also for their kids, and their kids kids. Generations feel the pain and loss of not having a mother, or Grandmother.

It doesn't just effect a few people. It effects us all. In so many different ways.

And that is why i feel especially sad/angry when i see a generation that does have grandparents, but are at odds.  Its not just them that its hurting. Its everyone down the line.  To see grandparents choose to "neglect" grandchildren or children for this or that reason...

It truly boggles my mind.

What is worth doing that much damage and causing that much hurt?  Pride? Anger?..i just don't get it.

I hate it. Because i long so much for it. I would give just about anything to have known my grandparents.

Anything.

So it really irks me, when i stop and think about it, just how much pain my Mom and her siblings had to endure. And my Dad and his siblings had to endure at losing their parents so early in life.

I know God has a plan for everything. And i know my parents are amazing and strong because of the hand they had been dealt. I know i am fine and my kids will be too.

But i still find myself thinking about the what ifs in life when it comes to my grandparents.

What if they liked me? What if they just really liked and protected me and loved me...

Oh, what a love that would have been.

And so, as my Mom talked about outliving her parents, it reminded me--not that i needed to be reminded--just how blessed I am, and all my family is, to have them in our lives.

Because their love is great, they  like us and they protect us.

And for that--I am so thankful.