making a change

This week has been difficult. A bit. In one particular and small area of life....PARENTING!

I am having a buggar of a time figuring out one of my kids! It is so frustrating and confusing to me. As i disipline her constantly, i am feeling sad for her at the exact same time. What does she need? Why is she mad about this?  How can i make her feel better? And will she ever just listen to me and not put up a fuss? 

Seriously. I don't know what is going on and i don't feel in control one bit. 

But as i sit and think about her today, i am reminded that if nothing else, i want her to feel safe and loved at home. I want home to be a foundation of simplicity, love, encouragement, quality time and understanding.  And yet as i try to establish that (in my Hitler like way) i wish she would understand that i am only disciplining and teaching her so that she can grow up to be an amazing and loving and kind and caring and confident and a respectful woman.

But how do i tell her to be kind to others, when i snap if she hits her sister? As i try to emphasize (and maybe over emphasize) the importance of family, i am coming down hard on her because i know what happens and how it feels when the family unit isn't supportive and loving and encouraging and caring.  And i fight so hard against it, that sometim- i wonder- if i am just doing my own cause damage?

Probably. Right? Uffda.

Either way, i feel resolved to take on a new method today. I am going to love my child for who she is right now, and hope that through my actions she will learn all that i have been trying to teach her (without success) through my words.

Sometimes i worry that its too late to shape them differently. To do better. To be better. And that feeling is not comfortable, but the truth.

But i am determined to curb my words and pump up my actions....and hope they take notice.

The good day

Ever have one of those days that are just plain good?

Cause that is what i am having today. A really good day. For no reason. Well, that's not true. I got up this morning and walk/ran on the treadmill, then headed up stairs to get my kids ready for school. Got them to the bus, waved at the adorable kids. Got inside to get Junior dressed and packed up to head to Walmart for some groceries.

Got home just in time to put them away and get back in thecar to go to recess and lunch with Ruby.  And its was just glorious. I love that little school. I love that the kids eyes light up as i walk through the school, like they know me, case i am now the noon lady (recess girl) and they call me "the nice one." Which makes my heart sing, cause all i want to ever be is the nice one! (Yessss!)

Got to eat lunch with my girl and visit with her friends. Then we headed back to the class, and i stopped by Laney's room to hand off her lunch bag that i packed for her. And those kids light up and smiled and waved and I just LOVE THEM all!!

Then off to Ruby's room to talk to her teacher for a bit and she said that Ruby raised her hand and told the teacher that she had worked on her glossary words with her Mom the night before. (our special time after Laney and Junior fall asleep and Dad is at church)  Got a kiss from her and a "she's such a good girl" from her teacher and headed to the office to see if there was any openings for recess duty next week and shouted a "have a great day!" to them all as i walked out into the sunshine and headed home to get start on some chicken noodle soup.

The soup turned out, i'm folding laundry, my son is totally awesome and all is right in the world!!

Ever have those days where you just walk on clouds and all is right?  I love those days. We need to pay attention to them and embrace them. Lets focus on the good and forget the bad.  Because life is joyful and amazing. Even on the bad days, we can still find the joy,

Today is that day. Where life is just good.

Now, if you're having a bad day and this post just makes you want to punch your computer...i'm sorry. I feel your pain. But not today. Don't punch it today. Snuggle your kids, your hubby, your pet and just enjoy this sunshine and remember that Jesus loves you and that tomorrow is another day, and its probably going to ROCK!!

Can you feel the mental high five i am sending your way right now? Cause its a good one and its coming...

Smile on, my friends. Smile on!

In the garden

Today at church my pastor was talking about Genesis and it got me to thinking.

As I read along with him in Genesis Chapter 3 he talked about how the serpent came to Eve and asked her "Did God really say 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" 
And how Eve responded by saying that "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die." The snake told Eve that she would surly not die, but that God was afraid if she ate it her eyes would be opened and she would be like God, knowing good and evil.

The snake tricked her, and confused her, and tempted her. And she gave into it. 

Of all the trees and all the beauty and all the wonderful things of God that she had at her finger tips, there was only one that she couldn't touch. And it was irresistible to her!

As i sat there thinking, i couldn't believe it. I know this story, as many of you do, but i thought of it today as me in that garden. Eve wasn't perfect. Only Jesus was. She was just a woman.

Just like me. 

She had the world at her finger tips and she chose sin. That boggles my mind. 

Think about it for a second as if you were in that garden.  Daily meetings with God in the garden, the presence of God literally with you everywhere you went. Having the physical presence of God, walking in the garden with you daily.  And she gave that up for more knowledge.  Knowledge.

I can't comprehend it. 

As i sat there, i wished that just for one day i could be like Jesus. Perfect in every way. Never sinning. Can you imagine?

And then i thought, if that were me in that garden, would i have given into sin? Would i have eaten that apple?

It has been making my mind wonder all day. 

We live in a world full of sin. Temptation. Persecution. Selfishness. Blame.  I am just so aware of the fact that as humans, we are never satisfied. I mean, Eve wasn't even satisfied--in the garden of Eden!!! She wanted more. And to be honest, it annoys me.  What the heck, Eve? Why did you do that! It really bothers me that we are that weak and selfish.

And just think now of the world that we live in, the amount of sin that occurs on a daily basis. We feel like we are hidden from God and that our sins are invisible. I think we honestly believe that sometimes. That is, if we are even consciously thinking about God in the first place.

Are we never satisfied? Can we justify every selfish motive we have? Or are we happy where we are and content with what we have?

Honestly, think about it?  Think about Eve, just a woman. A mere mortal. What if we could do it all over again, and this time, we were in that garden. Would we stand by God? Would we trust in his love for us? Would we be content to walk with him daily and ignore the one teeny tiny tree that we weren't allowed to touch? Or would we focus on it. Focus on it until it consumed us and we just had to try it?

I don't say this like i think i know the answer. I just ask the question because it is bothering me today.

Would I? Could I? I don't know. But i like to think yes.  And if think i would trust him in the garden, am i trusting Him every day with everything in my life?

I don't know...


(This song is one of the most amazing songs that i have ever heard. Today Dan & Angie Leverence sang it at our church and it was fantastically powerful!! (its from 'The Story' and sung by Matthew West and Leigh Nash))