I'm okay, you're okay

Hi there! Today i have plenty of  different thought going through my head. There are many different ways that his blog can end up going....but who knows which way it will be.

Lately i feel like i have been trying to repress my true self.  I leave places feeling like i am different or that people are patronizing or annoyed by me.  In a nut shell, i feel like people may think that i am "too much". Just in general. Too much mouth. Too much truth. Too much opinions. Too much honestly where it just may not belong.  And i am aware of these things. Hence me trying to suppress it and adopt a different more boring and quiet side. (at least when i am out in public) 

I always have these good intentions of being quiet and listening more and nodding (i think the nodding really brings it all home) without saying anything. But darn it anyhow, then i see people and i just get excited. I love to talk.I love people. I love my friends and i get so excited that i get a little spastic and crazy. But if it matters at all, i am crazy for you?!? No, that makes no difference? Still too much...
Well, wouldn't ya know about 1 mintue (if i'm lucky) into a conversation of me nodding and being quiet, some great idea or opinion or thought come to mind and i just have to tell people. I must.  I feel like my brain just may explode if i keep it all inside.

So today as i drove, i thought about that. How i got too chatty yet again. And then i though this though, "Who cares!?" (you must say that like you are from Bah-stin (Boston) to really make it count) Who cares, I say. Who?  Cause i don't want to anymore.

I am who i am and i am not that bad! (please don't feel the need to reassure me of this, i am just brainstorming here)

Honestly, i don't know if its the culture we live in. The church. The times. The world wide web...or what?  But people all think they have things figured out. They do. And if you don't figure it out like they do, well, then you're just wrong. 

And ya know what i say to that? I say, No!  No way.  Who says what is right and wrong. (Well, actually God totally does.) But i mean on an even playing field? We are all Christians and we all are trying to raise our kids in Gods image. But what does that really look like? Is it raising your child to always choose their words carefully and never step out of line?  Is it raising little robots who listen and can't think or feel for themselves?  Is it raising crazy kids who have no rules, no bed times, no structure? What, what? What? Some one tell me....what is it?!?

Cause lots of people think they have it figured out. They don't even have to say it, you can feel it when they look at you. And i am tired of it.  I think it is the pettiness of Christians, wait, not just Christians, Mothers.

We all do thing different, but that doesn't mean they are wrong! (can i get an Amen here?)

 I'll tell you today and tomorrow and any other day you ask.(not that anyone has ever asked) I do NOT have anything figured out(which may be a bit obvious, now that i think about it). I second guess everything.(and third and fourth and fifth...) And i get totally frustrated that my kids just KEEP hiding their stinking pajamas in their shirt drawer when they can just as easily put it in the PJ drawer!!!!! They do it to get to me...i just know it!  Wait, now what was i even talking about...?

I blame all bad choices on the influence of television...

Now, i am normally a black and white girl. I don't like the grey areas. They confuse and frustrate me. I want to know the rules and i want to follow them.  God says love one another, then lets do that. Lets obey.  God tells us to honor our Mother and Father, lets do that....


But its the fine print, the unwritten rules of raising kids that is hard.  We are all trying. All moms try.  It just looks different for each of us.  You just might think its more important for your child to ask to be excused from the dinner table and i really hope my kids have rhythm and shake their booties when they hear a good beat...Come on, you all know the beat i'm talking about...the one you can help but shake it to!

So i say this, the core principle is that we are to Love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind and soul. And love our neighbors as yourself. (Mark 12:30) That's the foundation of it. Love. We can't get hung up on stuff that doesn't matter.  And we especially can't get hung up on the "what about me's?" and the "My needs. My dreams...me, me, me, me and me!"

Basically this post is all about rules and no rules all at the same time. That makes sense, right? Anywhooo....

Back to what i have been thinking. Even though my kids make me crazy sometimes, they act out when i really need them to behave. They fight when i just want them to hug.  And they use the word "butt" at any and every chance that presents itself.  (and it seems to present itself alot) 

They know, without a shadow of a doubt that they are loved. They know i love them because i tell them. They know they are loved because they feel it. They know they are loved because they see it.  I love them.  (Now my next blog i will get on my soapbox about the fact that we have to be present in their lives to let them feel this. Not seeking to make our own lives better. Not gone fulfilling our selfish dreams. Actually being with them. Physically there.)

And ya know what, i hope that my kids grow up to have tons to say and are excited about life. Because there is nothing wrong with that.

(Just had to step away quick as Junior came downstair and looked at me and said "I ate no peanut butter. I just ate my soup. But i ate NO peanut butter!)

Oy. Where was I? Oh yes. I am not going to worry about the "icing", if you will, of life. The stuff that doesn't matter. It truly doesn't.  Who cares if people say things that i don't agree with. Who cares if people raise their kids differently than i do. Who cares if they say potato and I say poTOTo.  Lets not do ourselves harm as a body of Christ. Lets not judge each other and fight against our cause. Lets work together to love. Lets show it, do it, act it, represent it, and embrace it so that others can feel it.!

Now, if you'll excuse me, i have to go put on LMFAO and let my kids sing Sexy and I know it, in their underwear....

These are my people.

Like all of my blogs, this one starts just like the others--I've been thinking alot lately--

Thinking about a few of my friends.  I have realized that there are some people, who are just my people.

That's been my saying lately.  Those are my people.  The older i get the more people i run into, form relationships with, see on occasion, should like, or try hard to like.  But as i take inventory, there are a few that deserve recognition. 

Here is my disclaimer--If you are my friend and you are going to read this and find that you are NOT listed on here, it means nothing.  These aren't my only important and loved friends, just one that i want to acknowledge today.  Maybe I'll mention you next time, but lets not rank anyone.  I like everyone reading this.

Jennifer Graham:  If you can even get past her freakish beauty and really get to know her, you would see that she is not only beautiful, but kind, compassionate, caring, sensitive, loving, and generous. She is so generous.  Every time i am with her, i leave happier than when i showed up.  She is a gift. In every account.  I enjoy her so much and think so highly of her. I would recommend if you don't know her that you should get to know her. Your life will be better because of it, i promise. 

Heidi Lynn:  This is my girl. Heidi is great. Through and through. We have been through so much we have had ups and down but nothing will keep me from being her friend.  Not only is she a wonderful example of a Christian wife, mother and friend, but she is always taking inventory of her actions and guessing and second guessing if she is truly representing God in all of her actions. I love her. That's just it. Heidi is more than a friend, she is like a sister.  If i didn't speak to her for 10 years, she would still be my best friend.

Karee Koepp:  You are amazing. Annoyingly amazing, in fact. Not only do you represent all that is good in the world, you do it with class, style, love and humility.  She is the mother we should all strive to be. (well, it wouldn't kill her to rock her babies a little more.. I know she'll love that comment;)  This woman is so set on things from above that it is amazing. She doesn't get distracted by the "junk" of the world. She is an example in everything that she does, and i am so thankful to have her. Truly thankful.  She been my sounding board for many a years now Thank you, Mrs. Perfect.

Angela Weinzetl:  Not only is she my biggest threat across a trench line, but she is one of my biggest allies in life.  This girl is good. That's it. She is real, honest, fun, hilarious, full of knowledge, truthful, wonderful and good.  I enjoy her company every time i see her.  Sometimes we just like to sit together and talk about why we like each other so much--everyone needs that once in a while, right?  Its fun to struggle through things together. That's Age, she's awesome. And i am so glad for her.

Angela Sizer: Who'd a knew this girls would turn out to be so important in my life?  Angela is a beacon of sunshine and she's irresistible. She is such a great listener and encourager. She knows so much about, well, everything!  I just want to sit and listen to everything she has to say (but i just keep interrupting!) She is a great Mom, she cares about the right things in life. Being around her makes me want to be better.  I am thankful for her friendship and our ability to be "real" together.  Angela, YOU rock.

Kelly Rud:  This girl is a talker.  If people think i am chatty, you have never met Kelly. And i love that about her. You never have to wonder what is going on, she tells you. Together we just trip over each other as we try to get all our stories out. She is real. And she will be my friend forever.

Sarah Jungbauer: Sarah, you are my people.  I love how we can be together with out having to guess and second guess what we said or how we said anything.  I also like that you just allow me to talk and talk and talk and you imply (even if you don't mean it) that its interesting. You're good. And i like that.

Dixie Warner: I have seen you once since high school and in that visit, i felt all the love and passion that you have for your adorable daughter and hubby. I love what you represent and think more of this world should take note from you.  You are truly a caregiver to the ones who need it. You put your family first, and i respect and admire that.

Brianna Peterson:  I came to know her through Ruby's school. Her daughter and Ruby were friends in Kindergarten and we volunteered together a few times and actually formed a relationship through facebook (one of the very few good things about it)  Brianna is so great.  In the short time we have known each other we have had so many very good conversations. I know all about her past, her family, her life. And that is what i call a friendship. I love her kindness, caring, sharing and informative spirit. I especially love that she takes me for the scatter brain that i am and she never fails to remind me of the things I forget. With out her, i would have missed many an event! Thank you. I appreciate and enjoy you, always.  I am thankful for her daughter and Ruby's friendship, because it brought us together..


Katie Paxon:  Even though she left facebook. (because its evil in every way;) I am glad that it brought us back into each others lives. I truly enjoy her ever changing and growing way. She is a woman after God's  heart and she is constantly striving to be better.  She doesn't settle for untruths. She searches out what God wants and goes after it. Katie, stay strong and stay off facebook. Love up that daughter and for petes sake, would ya make it to a play date soon!! :)

Lori Alamo: If you know her, you know why i love her.  She is amazing, humble, capable, giving, generous, tough, and honest.  Qualities that make up the perfect friend, in my book. Lori, you make me smile and think and enjoy life.  You are so amazing and you especially need to accept that. If people could be half of what you are, they would be lucky.  Thanks for being such a GREAT friend. I treasure you.


I have been thinking about you all lately and have been grateful for what you represent in life.  Thank you for being good. Because that is what you are, good. You are so good. And i want you to know that.

You lift me up in so many ways, and i wanted to publicly show my appreciation, and gratitude by saying THANK YOU.!!! 

Its such a small word, such an easy word, and yet a word that is so lost in our busy, busy, selfish world.

I love him.

Lately i have been thinking about something, but i am going to have to tell about 5 other stories to get to my point. 

As most of you know, i think my Dad hung the moon.  Literally.  He is wonderful and i have always known, if there was a problem, that my Dad could fix it.  Anything.  In fact in the early years of my marriage, Jeromy used to say the word "Ma'Dad" when ever I talked because he said that i said it so much and so fast that it sounded like one word to him. "Ma'Dad can do it.  Ma'Dad can help. Just call Ma'Dad."  Hahaa, i know we aren't supposed to compare, as wives, our husbands to our fathers. But ya know what, I don't think its bad. What a great man to be measured against?  And i figure Jeromy didn't have a Dad why not let my Dad-I mean, Ma'Dad- teach him too?

Jeromy never said any of it with ill feelings towards my Dad.  He knew my Dad was a fantastic and respectable and strong and honest man. Jeromy respects him as much as i do.  I think Jeromy just wanted me to give him a chance.  But come on...just let Ma'Dad do it! =)

Well as the years went on, i noticed that my husband is pretty amazing too.  It was a slow transition but i could feel it happening.

Jeromy and i have always had an honest and loud relationship.  We joke with/at each other (never with bad motives, we just laugh at ourselves alot).  We argue.  We disagree.  We had a lot of pressure on us when we first got married and alot of obstacles to overcome.  So the beginning was hard. And I mean hard.  And honestly, some times i just wanted (or want) to punch him in the nose. 

I can recall a few years ago, a growth group we were in.  One of my (older) girlfriends had said to me that when she married her husband she was in love with him. (obviously)  But she never imagined that the longer they had been together the more she would love him.  I remember thinking "Yeah right!!"  I didn't understand that.  Not that i didn't love Jeromy(obviously) but that i just didn't get that.  Maybe they just had a better relationship? I didn't know.  But i do know that i have always thought about that conversation.

Well slowly but surly my husband has been quietly sneaking up from behind and quietly and calmly catching up to my Dad.  There were so many times when my hubby would be with my Dad and i would see him do something to help my Dad.  If my Dad couldn't do it (or was tired or worn out) my man started doing it for him.

Ya see, that's Jeromy.  When push comes to shove, his reaction is always kindness. He isn't quick to get hot under the collar.(But he can when he needs to)  He helps strangers. He helps our friends, new and old.  And he always helps out my family. Always.  That's just him.  And he doesn't do things like me. He doesn't do it for the social aspect. He works hard and fast and doesn't quit until the job is done. (which can be real annoying when we work on a project together and i want to break for lunch and chat and he can't even answer me because he is so deep into a project. Drives me bonkers!)

If there is any way to get in good with me, it by being kind to my family. And Jeromy does it. Not for any reason other than that is who he is.  Nice. The funny thing is, i see him doing things for "my " family because he thinks of and loves them like they are "his" family.  And they are.  He doesn't have much to claim from his side. So he holds closely to mine.

A while back Jeromy and i went through this weird phase where i felt scared (remember the hell blog?) and he kind of did too. But just for a moment.

I can't even tell you the stories that have happened or the conversations that have taken place for me to realize this.  But my husband is strong.  And not just like "man " strong.  He is...well, he's strong, strong.

My sister in law and i have nicknamed Jeromy, "The bulldog".  Ya see, Jeromy is so amazing in so many ways, and he is so wonderful, but all we have to do it unhook that leash, like a bull dog, and he's a big ball of crazy!  And we love it.  We know if we ever need it, deep down inside him, its there.  Our fierce and protective bulldog.  Now, i say this with Love. Lisa will understand.(my sister in law). She "gets" it.

A good friend on mine and i were talking about that Cruise ship that crashed/tipped in Italy last month.  We were talking about how terrible it would have been to be separated or in the bottom of the boat. And the size of that thing...can you imagine having to jump from the top down to the water?  Never.  She was imagining how terrible it would be to have had to separate from her husband. When the children and woman got to get into the lifeboats with out them.  She said how scary that would be. And ya know what I thought? Scary? Never. Jeromy would find us. He would get out. And he would save the day. And that's the truth. He would.

Jeromy isn't just strong with muscles. Hes' not just brave. He's not just perseverance. He is all that wrapped up in one with a pain tolerance that goes through the roof.  He is kind of like a super hero.  My super hero.

Now i realize this sounds sappy. But its true. I only speak the truth. And i also love him. Each day, the longer i know him, the more i love him.

So now, when Ma'Dad needs help...i tell him to ask Ma'husband!

Funny how that happens, isn't it?