Happy 6th Birthday Ruby!

                                        
I can not believe that tomorrow i celebrate the 6th birthday of my first born child! Ruby Catherine Carlotta Boone has brought nothing but joy to my life.  May 5th, 2005 was the day that forever changed me. I became a mother! What an amazing blessing.

As i was driving yesterday i was remembering back to that day 6 years ago.  I was doing my PTA Clinical and had been working all day and by lunch time i felt these weird pains start in my stomach and swing around to my back. Quick and sharp, but nothing i thought about.  As i drove home that night, i stopped into Acapulco to see my brother and tell him about my little pain. A little Mexican hostess named Sofia said, "do they start in your stomach and wrap around to your back?"  "Ummm, yep."  She said, "you're in labor."  I was excited, but still didn't believe it. I didn't know what to expect so i didn't get too worried. I mean, the baby wasn't due for 10 more days. But that would make it a Cinco De Mayo baby. 05-05-05...

I went home to our little apartment and did the elliptical (ya, apparently i was much younger and motivated then) and then took a little nap (i can't remember the last nap i have taken since).  When i woke up i though they had gone away. I got up and got ready for Jeromy's softball game. I had told him about the feelings, but we weren't worried.  He came home and we set out for his game at Sand Creek.  I sat with my bestie Heidi, who was also expecting shortly, and told her about the pain, but didn't worry too much about it.  I remember Jeromy hit a home run, so Heidi and I decided to walk and get it and as we were walking her husband hit one out too. So here we are, two big ol prego's getting the balls.  Its a fun memory.  Through out the game i continued to have little pains, but nothing much.

On the way home we stopped to get a Wendy's (haven't had one since) and went to our apartment. I just didn't feel like eating my caesar salad that night. The pain continued until it got a little bad.  I hopped in the tub cause Jeromy thought that would make it better...it didn't.  Eventually i told Jeromy to go to bed and rest and said i would try to sleep too.  Well, obviously that didn't happen. Finally about 10:30 i called my Mom and Dad and said "Mom, this really hurts!"  She thought I should go in just to be safe, so i agreed. 

I woke up Jeromy and we headed in the truck to the hospital. I called my brother Sam on the way and told him where we were headed. I tried to play it down and said i would keep him posted.  Jeromy asked me "on a scale of 1 to 10 what was my pain level?"  He asked it while i was doubled over in pain just waiting for the stop light to turn green, I answered "i think a 10!"  He questioned "10 being the least?"  I didn't think it was funny that night funny and I don't think its funny now:)   We got to the hospital and attempted to make it up to front desk to register.  Of course i had forgotten my stinkin paperwork!! Jeromy got us signed in and we headed up to the 4th floor.  Oh, that fourth floor, how i love it!!

I got changed and they just wanted to see if i was dilated and i remember telling the nurse "I know alot of people probably say this, but this really hurts! Is there anything you can do to make it better?"  Turns out i was dilated to 8 and ready to get into a room and deliver!  Oh, boy! 

Just a side note for those who don't know: We had an ultrasound and were told we were having a baby boy. Sooooo, stay tuned!;)

After i got an epidural (thankfully it took the back pain away) and threw up a few times, out came my beautiful and perfectly healthy little 5 pound 10 ounce GIRL!!  The doctor told us we had a girl and i just felt confused.  Weren't we going to have a boy? Immediately Jeromy said we would call her Ruby Carlotta Boone. I said how about Ruby Catherine (his Mom) Carlotta Boone, and that was it.  Thats all we said about that. We never did have a boy name picked out anyway.  We asked the parents back in and they commented on our beautiful "boy" and we had the nurse open the diaper and announce it was a girl! What a beautiful memory! We HAD it on video, but sadly, my dad taped over it a year later!

That was the day that changed my life forever.  It was an amazing start to an amazing journey. There is no greater love that i have ever felt than the love that i feel for my children.


                                       
                                                Happy Birthday to this beautiful soul, Ruby Boone.

Motherhood

                                 

Early last week i was listening to the latest Pink song and i started to wonder how close she was to delivering her new baby.  Then i though, does she fully understand the journey she is about to embark upon?  Probably not. None of us did.  As i started to ponder motherhood. I  realized that to me, the most defining name we will ever be called is Mother. It is life changing.

Not marriage, education, employment, status, finances, nothing changes a person like becoming a mother. There is not turning back once you have a baby. You are no longer Christina, but Mom. That's pretty powerful. You can switch jobs, get divorced, lose your home, fall flat on your face, all that can change, but you will forever be Mom.  I think we underestimate the power and pressure of that name.  Pink can no longer just live foot loose and fancy free. She is no longer just a woman with ideas, but a Mom who has now inherited the beautiful gift of protecting her child. She no longer comes first. Period. She will forever want better for someone other than herself.

On Earth day/Good Friday i went with my family to see the Disney movie African Cats.  It was a beautiful movie that let you inside the protective barrier of two different mother cats in Africa.  As i watched the Cheetah sitting on her hill, her eyes were acutely aware of her surroundings and she was listening with a keen ear for any sign of harm.  Its like, as i watched the mother Cheetah's body tense with the threat of danger, i felt what she was feeling. Even in the cat world, a mothers first job is to protect.  I just find that so wonderfully amazing! I think of what a huge position that is for all of us Moms that God instilled it in not only us, but the animals too.  When three male cheetahs tried to invade and harm this mother Cheetah (they are the only animal she can not outrun) She distracted them and pranced away from her pups. She was protecting them, even at the cost of losing  her own life.  Later i though, if she hadn't been a mother, she could have just run away and left before and problems arose.  But she couldn't. Her world had changed and her number one priority was to protect her babies.  After a stressful hour of watching the Mothers journey of raising up her little cubs, the Springtime came once again and she had made it through the dissolute winter. As the scene started and the babies were older and stronger, I am not kidding I saw a difference in the Mom. She wasn't sitting as tense. Her eyes weren't as focused and her body wasn't as stressed.  She had made it through the season of life where those baby Cheetahs were helpless and in danger of any predator who came along. Finally her last task was to teach them to hunt and protect themselves before they eventually left on their own.

Of course, our lives as mothers aren't only one strenuous year, but dozens.  Our children needed to be taught, protected, loved, encouraged, disciplined and cared for.  I am amazed as i think of my friends an our conversations.  One friend is wondering how she can get her kids to eat healthier snacks, another battles with sleep issues, some prepare to bring a new baby home, Another wonders if she is "doing it right", One frets about the "right" way to discipline and the other considers the harmful chemicals that could potentially affect her child.  I don't know if anything connects you to a person like being a mother together.Really being in the trenches. Of course there is our Faith. I believe as a body we are one.  But we even battle truths among our fellow Christians.

I have heard so many Moms say it and i remember feeling the change.  You hear about how much you are going to love this child, but until you hold your baby in your arms and experience motherhood, you can't begin to understand its effects.  I specifically remember after having Ruby, my cousin Becky came to the hospital and was holding her and instead of enjoying the moment, i was overwhelmingly worried that my cousin high heels were going to break (cause that happen so often) and she was going to drop my baby girl!  Thankfully, she was a pro. Both at wearing high heels and at holding babies, but i was worried.  I mean, come on, that is like crazy thoughts.

That, indeed is motherhood.

Sure we complain of no sleep and fret over attitudes and personalities and worry about the future. But none of us (hopefully) not even for a second would give it up.  We are forever changed. We can never go back to just being Christina.  I know people argue that their babies are going to fit into their life and not vice versa, but not me. I was happy to give up my name and take on the high pressures of Motherhood.  I have never read more books and questioned my choices as much in life as i have now.  We just want the best for them, but in order to get there, we have to go through many battlefields, many valleys, but God willing, we will come through it intact and look back on our times of trials as life changing and life forming.   We will be better people for having children.  That is my prayer. That i will do it "right". And believe me, each stinking day, i know i fail more than i succeed, but i will never give up and i will never stop trying.

As Mothers Day approaches, i am so glad to participate in it. Not for the material gifts, but for the gifts from God that are my children. We are all blessed to be called Mom, Moooum, Momma, Hey Mo-ooom, Mommy, Mother!, Ma, no matter how its said, its music to our ears...well, most days anyhow;)

Family

The last couple of weeks i have really been thinking alot about the meaning of family.  As a parent i am consciously aware of my kids attitudes towards Jeromy and I and each other. Some days i am so proud and some days i am discouraged. I know they are kids and of course they are learning.  I love that they are learning.  I know some people think i am a little too "law & order" when it comes to parenting and then in the same breath, i error on the side of being too protective and soft.  What a balancing act it is.  Above all else i want my kids to love God. I want them to treat others kindly, i want them to always remember their manner and put others before themselves.  And yet, some days i find that i am harping and harping on them to love one another, share and be patient so much, that i end up yelling it...and when you are yelling "LOVE ONE ANOTHER!"  It doesn't do your cause much justice.

As i am dealing with so many dimensions of my own families dynamics and confused and frustrated and hurt by the sometimes careless acts of life, it reminds me to push hard to remind my kids to always love one another.  And not just the ol' blood is thicker than water kind of love. I want them to actually care about each other. I want them to respect each other. I want them to encourage. I want them to empathize with each other. I want them to protect each other. And not just when the going gets tough, but always.

This last month i have really witnessed a lack of family in a few different situations with a few different groups of people.  In fact i am shocked at the amount of "dysfunction" there is in families.  Mine included.  Why do we not love one another? 

As i watched Parenthood this week i was so touched.  It wasn't the main point of the story, but i was super aware of the longing that i had for a situation those characters were going through.  Someone had been awoken by a phone call saying her daughter had been in a car accident and she had to come to the hospital. Well, that character went to the hospital and one by one her siblings and family showed up to support her and sit with her.  I was just shocked. It is what a family should be, right?  Supportive. Loving.  And I do have that, don't get me wrong...but you know, everyones got something.

                                           

Well, my cousin informed me that that was just television and that not all families are even like that. And she is right. But still, i find myself longing for it and wanting it for so many others. I am very aware that i want my kids to have that. I need them to.

So i have adopted a new saying at the house when the kids are fighting. I immediately stop them and say "Who do we love first?" And they respond "God" and then i say  "and who do we love second?"  and they respond "family".  Yes, i may be acting as a forceful dictator, but i think it is important to remind them that we are family and that its really important. God didn't make a mistake when he stuck us together.  Family is a foundation. Good or bad. We either cling to it and rely on its support, or we learn from it and try to find the lesson in it.  Yes, not all families are like Parenthood, but i want mine to be (in some ways).  I want that for my kids.

Its odd, how one of my brothers in the midst of a rant said something that has stuck with me.  I was discussing a family member who had hurt me and how i was trying to mend that relationship and my brother went on and on and on about forgetting them and moving on. He said i should watch Joe Dirt and went on to tell me why.  Joe spent the whole movie trying to find his parents who had abandoned him. His family and when he did they weren't even worth finding! The moral of the movie was that its not just about the "family" you were born into, "family" is the relationships we build along the way.

Who knew Joe Dirt had so much to offer? :)

I believe family and family we find along the way are all important in shaping us to be who God wants us to be.  It may not be a good situation but we learn from it. It may be a fabulous supportive situation and we grow from it.  No matter how you look at it, we are all right where God wants us to be.

This weekend, especially, i want to remember the One who delicately placed us in our perfect situation.  It is because of His sacrifice on the cross that i can live in eternity with my Father.  My heavenly family is going to embrace me into their arms and its going to be a feeling like no other.............and then hopefully we can have a coffee and discuss what we are gong to be doing for the next thousand years!

 I hope you are all loving and embracing your chosen families today!  Have a Happy Easter, friends!