Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Peace...on earth?
What a week. I realized that i have been in a kind of weird head space for the last week and a half. I felt a little overwhelmed because Jeromy was working late hours and the kid were getting sassy and i was getting impatient. Than this weekend Jeromy was deer hunting and i felt like it was a looong week with out a real break. Once i sat back and though about why i was feeling so frustrated i realized that the kids were probably feeling the same thing that i was feeling. They missed seeing Jeromy too. We are a family that is very accustomed to our routine. And we all get thrown off when things start to change.
This week i was constantly battling the "flesh" vs. the "spirit" in my head. As a Christian, i feel like it is a constant battle to live like Christ. I want so badly to do it (and for it to be easy), but sometimes i find myself fighting the "flesh". I suppose some of you don't even know what that means, sorry. I describe the feelings of the "flesh" as feeling that we feel as mear humans. Things like anger, selfishness, greed, vengeance and hate, unhappiness and trivial troubles of the world. Things that, in the long run, don't really matter. And they are things that i don't want to waste my time thinking about. There is so much that we have to be thankful for. But as many of you know, when you get to feeling the "flesh" its hard to tell yourself that you should be happy because your kids are healthy or that we aren't persecuted by what we believe. Something that many other cultures and countries deal with on a daily basis.
Basically this is what my brain was doing this weekend. As i drove alone in the car (a true rarity) i turned up the music loud...i mean loud. Cause i think i am still 20 and not driving a mini van. I have on Adam Lambert, of all things. Not encouraging music, but a really great beat. Well, as i listen to him my mind starts to wander and i start to feel a little more independent, and start wanting to put myself first instead of last. Then i start thinking, i want a gym membership. I know i can't afford it, but i want it. Then i could break a sweat and feel healthy and vigorous. Suddenly i didn't want to just do dishes all day. Heck, i think i just wasn't cut out for all of this. Plus, the stresses that my situation bring with it, they aren't things that i deserve to have to deal with, right? ...WRONG. That mind set is exactly what makes me so annoyed at our generation. We are taught to be lovers of self, and we demand instant gratification. We are a people so concerned about our own feelings. You bet we remember who hurt us and why it wasn't fail and how no one treats us right, all the while missing opportunities to "do" for others. If we would just care about others as much as we care about ourselves...what a world we would live in.
After listening to more Adam Lambert as i drive this morning to get last minute groceries for my Moms birthday party that we are throwing at our house tonight, I am feeling a little overwhelmed, and certain that a coffee will make it all better. I got through Walmart and the bakery (for the kids, yes, the kids needed a donut) I drove home feeling the same as i had all week. Not really much of anything. Just a bunch of swirling thoughts in my head. Well, low and behold, as i searched for my CD's i found the one that i had been SEARCHING for for a few days. (that's how i came across my old Adam Lambert Cd too) If i had just kept searching i would have found this one the first time. Its a CD that my wonderfully perfect brother had burned for me last year. It was a mix of some Christmas songs. The first one being my most favorite of all time. Sam had introduced this song to me last year. He makes CD's for me occasionally and they always are amazing and inspiring. This was one was nothing short of that. The song, 'I heard the bells on Christmas Day' by Casting Crowns,just touches my soul, my spirit, it puts me back where i need to be. I joked about it all last year because there is a line that says "there is no peace on earth I said" And i would tell him that that song always came to me as i was doing dishes, just out of the blue i would sing, "there is no peace on earth, i said" ...
Now, here it is a year later that the CD is bringing me back to reality and reminding me of the true beauties in life. The fruits of the spirit, Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Things that i think i lacked this past week. It was like a switch went on in my head and i just said "Thank you God, for the reminder of what we are truly called to be!!" I don't know why it always takes a knock on the head for me to remember my purpose some days, but it does. I feel so refreshed as i ponder all of the wonderful ways that i can support and show love to others. Because the truth is, we are just passing through...This life on earth is a short one compared to an eternity that we are going to spend in heaven with our amazing Father.
My prayer today is, if anyone of you are feeling down, or overwhelmed, or under appreciated, or sad, or selfish, or needy, or any "fleshly" feelings. I just want to encourage you to think not on these trivial things, but on our path to righteousness. Because we are promised that "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." What a wonderful thing! It is when we are at our weakest, that He is at his strongest. And THAT, is something to get excited about. So, i am going to crank up the heavenly tunes and enjoy the renewed strength that i feel. Thankful, that is what i am today. Not because everything is perfect in my life, or that i don't have struggles. I am thankful to be thankful. Just to be reminded in such a peaceful way, that God is my shelter and "I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Phil 4:13) I am thankful for my place, not only on this earth, but in heaven!!
This week i was constantly battling the "flesh" vs. the "spirit" in my head. As a Christian, i feel like it is a constant battle to live like Christ. I want so badly to do it (and for it to be easy), but sometimes i find myself fighting the "flesh". I suppose some of you don't even know what that means, sorry. I describe the feelings of the "flesh" as feeling that we feel as mear humans. Things like anger, selfishness, greed, vengeance and hate, unhappiness and trivial troubles of the world. Things that, in the long run, don't really matter. And they are things that i don't want to waste my time thinking about. There is so much that we have to be thankful for. But as many of you know, when you get to feeling the "flesh" its hard to tell yourself that you should be happy because your kids are healthy or that we aren't persecuted by what we believe. Something that many other cultures and countries deal with on a daily basis.
Basically this is what my brain was doing this weekend. As i drove alone in the car (a true rarity) i turned up the music loud...i mean loud. Cause i think i am still 20 and not driving a mini van. I have on Adam Lambert, of all things. Not encouraging music, but a really great beat. Well, as i listen to him my mind starts to wander and i start to feel a little more independent, and start wanting to put myself first instead of last. Then i start thinking, i want a gym membership. I know i can't afford it, but i want it. Then i could break a sweat and feel healthy and vigorous. Suddenly i didn't want to just do dishes all day. Heck, i think i just wasn't cut out for all of this. Plus, the stresses that my situation bring with it, they aren't things that i deserve to have to deal with, right? ...WRONG. That mind set is exactly what makes me so annoyed at our generation. We are taught to be lovers of self, and we demand instant gratification. We are a people so concerned about our own feelings. You bet we remember who hurt us and why it wasn't fail and how no one treats us right, all the while missing opportunities to "do" for others. If we would just care about others as much as we care about ourselves...what a world we would live in.
After listening to more Adam Lambert as i drive this morning to get last minute groceries for my Moms birthday party that we are throwing at our house tonight, I am feeling a little overwhelmed, and certain that a coffee will make it all better. I got through Walmart and the bakery (for the kids, yes, the kids needed a donut) I drove home feeling the same as i had all week. Not really much of anything. Just a bunch of swirling thoughts in my head. Well, low and behold, as i searched for my CD's i found the one that i had been SEARCHING for for a few days. (that's how i came across my old Adam Lambert Cd too) If i had just kept searching i would have found this one the first time. Its a CD that my wonderfully perfect brother had burned for me last year. It was a mix of some Christmas songs. The first one being my most favorite of all time. Sam had introduced this song to me last year. He makes CD's for me occasionally and they always are amazing and inspiring. This was one was nothing short of that. The song, 'I heard the bells on Christmas Day' by Casting Crowns,just touches my soul, my spirit, it puts me back where i need to be. I joked about it all last year because there is a line that says "there is no peace on earth I said" And i would tell him that that song always came to me as i was doing dishes, just out of the blue i would sing, "there is no peace on earth, i said" ...
Now, here it is a year later that the CD is bringing me back to reality and reminding me of the true beauties in life. The fruits of the spirit, Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Things that i think i lacked this past week. It was like a switch went on in my head and i just said "Thank you God, for the reminder of what we are truly called to be!!" I don't know why it always takes a knock on the head for me to remember my purpose some days, but it does. I feel so refreshed as i ponder all of the wonderful ways that i can support and show love to others. Because the truth is, we are just passing through...This life on earth is a short one compared to an eternity that we are going to spend in heaven with our amazing Father.
My prayer today is, if anyone of you are feeling down, or overwhelmed, or under appreciated, or sad, or selfish, or needy, or any "fleshly" feelings. I just want to encourage you to think not on these trivial things, but on our path to righteousness. Because we are promised that "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." What a wonderful thing! It is when we are at our weakest, that He is at his strongest. And THAT, is something to get excited about. So, i am going to crank up the heavenly tunes and enjoy the renewed strength that i feel. Thankful, that is what i am today. Not because everything is perfect in my life, or that i don't have struggles. I am thankful to be thankful. Just to be reminded in such a peaceful way, that God is my shelter and "I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Phil 4:13) I am thankful for my place, not only on this earth, but in heaven!!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
confessions of a "stay at home mom"
So, here i sit. At the computer. I know i have things pressing, like making dinner, cleaning up before Jeromy gets home, interacting with the kids. The list goes on and on, and yet I find myself here. I am feeling like a bump on a log today. In fact, the last few days. Is it the weather? Is it me? I am not sure, but i don't like it and can't seem to kick it. My husband would call it a "funk" but i call it motherhood.
Some days are just hard. Some days are long. And now with winter fast approaching, the skies are dark by 5 o'clock. I can feel grumpiness and crabbiness luring me in, but i am doing my best to stand strong against it. If I give into it now, its going to be a REAL long winter.
As i was driving home from choir last night, i had this thought. I just want a break from life. (not in the sad depressed kind of way) I just want to get up in the morning and not feel the weight of my responsibility on my shoulders. I guess what i really want is to be 17 again. But just for a day...or maybe two:)
I am tired of the comments people make to stay at home moms. Like "oh, what do you do all day." Or "I sure couldn't do it" One time my husbands boss actually said to him after hearing him and i talking on the phone, (he could hear that i was mad) "What does she have to be so mad about. She gets to stay home?!" I agree that it is a privilege to stay home and i am so thankful that my husband works hard to make that possible, but seriously? i don't think we stay home just to sleep in all day, watch Oprah, do our nails and take naps!! Its hard work. We (at least me) don't do it cause its the easiest or we are natural at it. We do it to benefit out kids. I stay home because I want to do everything that i can to support and raise, and be a part of my kids young lives. Its only 5 years of their life...and then they are gone. 8 hours a day they are in school. Basically being raised by the teachers. We have to make our time count as Moms. There is so much responsibility to teach them, SO much. Sure we are the ones who don't have our nails done, and don't wear the high heals, but that's because we are sacrificing "things" for such a greater good. Actual parenting! Not part time, put them to bed parenting. The real hard stuff. The diapers, the drama, the laundry, the dishes, the dinner, the vacuuming the nap, the unsuccessful nap, the baths, the stories, the changing pee pants in the middle of the night, the "I guess i can go one more day with out a shower" look. Theres not too many kids that say "thanks for changing my diaper", or "you did a great job with dinner Mom, way to go the extra mile"
So, like my blog title. I am going to embrace my place. I am going to get my butt upstairs and cook dinner with a smile. (it may be fake, but its still a smile) I am going to struggle through this difficult time because before i know it, life will be at a whole new pace and i will have missed this glorious stage where the kids need me and like me and think i am funny and want to spend time with me and want to snuggle and want to hold my hand and aren't embarrassed of me...yet.
Some days are just hard. Some days are long. And now with winter fast approaching, the skies are dark by 5 o'clock. I can feel grumpiness and crabbiness luring me in, but i am doing my best to stand strong against it. If I give into it now, its going to be a REAL long winter.
As i was driving home from choir last night, i had this thought. I just want a break from life. (not in the sad depressed kind of way) I just want to get up in the morning and not feel the weight of my responsibility on my shoulders. I guess what i really want is to be 17 again. But just for a day...or maybe two:)
I think as a mother we go through so many different stages and they are ones that ONLY another mother can understand. There should just be a special nod for mothers of multiple young children. Like a crossed eye, shoulder shrug with your tongue out and slightly to the left. ( I am picturing Kathy Lee Gifford doing her thing. Anyone who watches SNL would understand...its funny, people. Funny.) That would be my choice. It wouldn't be cool, but it would express alot in a small gesture:)
I know its the age old argument... I am not saying we have it any harder than anyone else, i am just saying how about a little respect. Just because we don't bring home a paycheck doesn't mean that we are invaluable. Or that we don't want to work because we aren't qualified. We are choosing this road for our kids. No one else. I only hope that i can do it even close to right, so that they turn into wonderfully caring , kind, smart and loving human beings. Because the time is flying by...
So, like my blog title. I am going to embrace my place. I am going to get my butt upstairs and cook dinner with a smile. (it may be fake, but its still a smile) I am going to struggle through this difficult time because before i know it, life will be at a whole new pace and i will have missed this glorious stage where the kids need me and like me and think i am funny and want to spend time with me and want to snuggle and want to hold my hand and aren't embarrassed of me...yet.
So for all of my amazing stay at home friends ...KEEP PRESSING ON, because you are AWESOME!!
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